EMOTIONAL, TIRED, AND PRAISING OUR LORD

As I am sure you can imagine, it has been a MAJOR emotional rollercoaster for me over the past week. There wasn't a single day that past that I could make it without stopping, sooo tired, taking a break, and catching a nap with my precious little lukester sleeping next to me. It was the best feeling in the world, watching his little fingers, flipping his pipeys from hand to hand (ya, I know he's old for them, but I don't care!), just staring at him and reflecting on all the joy he gives my life.

Doesn't help that I have hypothyroidism on top of this, diagnosed in the ER last week, which also makes you very tired.....I knew I was going to get that! Runs in my family so no surprise but just another med that I don't like to take along with the fact that it can make you physically lose your mind! Anyone with thyroid issues will understand.

Everyone keeps asking me, so now what? Whats next? I say, I don't know.....My primary told me that he didn't understand why I wanted a second opinion. Hmmmmm maybe b/c noone really knows what it is I have, and my liver surgeon even admited that he just started doing these surgeries since he met me 2 years ago.....I thought my GI was working on a referal to the Henry Ford hospital liver surgeon in Detroit. Today I found out that isn't true, they didn't even call my insurance, she said my primary has too. Well, thats not true, but I called my primary and like they said, when a Dr's office says they are going to take care of it, we assume they mean it and we don't pursue it. But she said just like everyone else has said for over a week now "we will work on it." Really? Are you? Isn't anyone going to help me???

I got my labs drawn today and was discouraged to find that my hemoglobin is dropping....am I bleeding again? I called my primary, they never called me back. So I sit and wait. WAIT. Wait for what, for me to die? I called my liver surgeon last week at U of M and told him to sign me up for the surgery. He said he wanted to do it this week Wednesday! Um...Ok I said. Steve put me in my place and said no, we need to wait.....again, I am thinking wait for what? For me to die??? What other option do we have? We have to do something!

Then I reflect on the week and I can see the Lords hand everywhere I look. My bleed, even my allergic reaction to the blood transfusion was totally PROVIDENTIAL. Think about it....My liver surgeon told me that I would need a blood transfusion when I have my surgery. If this never happened I would be inti bated, laying at UofM in the middle of a 6 hour surgery, sedated and medicated with who knows what, and NO one would know I was having an allergic reaction to the blood until I probably went into cardiac arrest. How would they have known what it was, what med or reaction I was having when I couldn't physically TELL them what was happening. They would have had to guess. I probably would have died. Now we can be prepared. All in the Lords hands even when we don't understand. Shoot, if I can make it through last week I can make it through anything!

I had a close friend of mine that I have been praying for for years, that doesn't know the Lord, text me that she prayed! Do you know how excited I was!!! If I have to sacrifice myself so that someone else can come and know the Lord like I do, I will! Someone else very special to me hasn't had a sip of alcohol since the day I went to the hospital! I had a household full of friends come for an afternoon to pack up my house and someone from church gave us a storage rental to put it all in!!

I tell you what, most of you know me well that are reading this and you know that I am very strong (WAS) willed and I am NOT one that asks for help. I have always been independent, I can do it, I am superwoman, super mom, go go go go go!!! This has humbled me in the most amazing way and I have opened my arms and accepted help, I have asked for people to help watch my kids, I have asked for meals b/c I can't do it! I am allowing someone else take care of me instead of forcing Lisa to do it all alone and I realize that is what we are all here for!! We need to support, love, and HELP one another b/c we are the hands of christ and that is what we are called to do! We don't have to do it alone! I am not alone and people actually want to help me, it makes me feel sooo overwhelmed with emotion that tears just stream down my cheeks.

The Lord is alive and is with me and I feel his love just surrounding me and it is amazing! This life is not all we have and its time that we all start realizing that as a society, who cares what you drive, what your house looks like, do you think God really cares? Who are you going to live for, God, or the people that you think care but really don't? Oh man am I getting preacherish tonight! :) Sorry but I just can't hold back the Lords movement in my life.

So, I went to work today! I didn't think I would make it, and yes, I cried (surprise!) and I was very tired, and getting very upset about the physicians that I thought cared, but don't seem to want to help. How do people get anywhere with rare diseases and how do you get insurance to listen? I need help people and I don't know where to go and no one will help me b/c no one knows what to do with me!!!! I was so sad.

THEN IT CAME.....driving home, I get a call from my cousin who of all things is a Primary care physician at the cleveland clinic. He says "Lisa, I talked to my friend today who is a liver surgeon here about you, your symptoms, his advice and he said that there is ONE man that you HAVE to see, a man that is older, dedicated his whole medical career to portal hypertension, the bleeding from it, why it happens, the cures, the fixes, which is better, researched for years the surgeries out there for it, absolutely every aspect of it and he will know, his name is ______." BUT he doesn't take new patients. He is retired from research and is the director of the cleveland clinic. BUT I called his office and they agreed to let you see him." OH MY WORD!!!!!!!!!! Someone that knows and understands everything that I have!!! Someone that can help me!!! Someone that can guide me and give me direction!!! PRAISE THE LORD, tears were flowing out of my eyes again!!! People, friends, family....God has answered my prayer and I AM going to cleveland clinic to a man that knows everything about what I have, the ONE. The ONE I have been searching for. I may have to fight insurance to get there but I am going to fight every single day of my life till I get there, I AM SOOOOO EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!PRAISE THE LORD!!!!!!!! The Lord has a plan, He has my life in his hands and that gives me GREAT comfort. I love you all, keep those prayers coming! I am not close to done, I may have one foot in the grave already but I am not dead yet!