It has been one year since I laid at U of M hospital awaiting my liver shunt...Dr. Dasika changed his mind and refused to put one in me. At the time I really didn't understand why, but the more I have learned, that was no coincidence....I shudder at the idea b/c they can cause so many problems that my life could have been forever changed in a very bad way. He may not remember me, but I will always remember him and I know the Lord placed him on my case. I have learned MANY MANY things throughout this whole process.
1. Nothing in life is coincidental but totally providential. God has blessed me in so many ways, the Dr.'s he placed on my case, the procedures I didn't get...at the time I didn't realize how much His hand was in it all. I didn't pick those Dr.'s, I had NO CLUE what I was doing. But He did.
2. I realize now who my true friends are and those that are NOT my friends but only if it is convenient for them or if they gain something out of it. This has been really hard on me b/c I had alot of people in my life I thought were my idea of what a true friend is, and they have obviously shown their true colors. There are some that really DONT care and I thought they did.
3. I realize what really matters in life....SOOOO many things I come across now and I really don't care. My whole perspective has changed b/c theres such trivial things that happen every day and in the end "WHO CARES!" God has your life in His hands and could have your life end at any minute, do we live that way? I admit I struggle too with this, but this has definitely made me more mindful of that fact and Christ is really all that matters.
So I have been without Dr's appointments, tests, scopes, CT's all that for one year and it has been GREAT! I feel good, they gave me a clean slate, back to running and working out, I even ran a few 5ks and got first place! Holy moly can you say to GOD be the Glory for that!!! It seems like a long time ago, fainting memories of terrible times.
Had my year follow up CT. I feel great, no signs, no symptoms, I inject blood thinners daily so I didn't anticipate anything happening in there. It showed a new blood clot going down a different vein, this one the vein that feeds my intestines, and it is coming into that vein that was clotted before going to my liver. It looks like my veins in my stomach and throat are coming back in number and in size too. This was hard.....Why if I am on blood thinners am I STILL clotting? Why if I have NO blood disorder like they say am I clotting? The veins are back that means they could hemorrhage and I could bleed to death being on blood thinners. SOOOO many thoughts running through, I cried all morning at work. Its weird being on the other end of things when you work in a hospital....But it has taught me HUGE sympathy for my patients and we have things in common and I can be a witness to them too.
Back to the drawing board. I called my surgeon at UofM, he is getting the CT in the mail. I go to Cancer and Hematology on tues to talk about what this means and I am sure I will be having a scope done soon to take a peak at those "veins" in my throat. Its such a complicated thing that I have.....So mysterious, I understand it in and out...I have high blood pressure inside of my veins "portal hypertension" not the kind of high blood pressure you and I think about when it is said, this can't be measured except getting inside my veins.
My running days may be done. That will be hard on me b/c I love running and honestly, when I run, I think about all I have been thru and how amazing the Lord has been, its actually a time of worship for me....call me crazy, but I think about HIM the whole time I am running b/c I am alive!!! b/c of HIM!!!
I think of it as Satans attempt to test what Lisa is all about. How strong is her faith and we will see about that! Well, I am ready to take that challenge, I am more prepared, It is what it is, I have a God WAY bigger than he is and I know we can win this battle. I know he places battles in our way each and every day but I am equipped with the knowledge and truth and I will NOT be knocked down. Oh ya, I have my days that I hide at home, I don't want to talk to anyone, I cry and cry b/c of a heavy heart.....But I know I will be ok. He gives me peace, I know where I am going if He decides to take me. I am ready to fight again!
