IT HAPPENED....MY FIRST BLEED

I cannot begin to describe the events that have happened in my life over the past 5 days.....I believe I am feeling alot like those that go through a death or funeral and can't remember anything, it all feels like a dream or a fog, you don't remember seeing people, talking to them, nothing. Its like 5 days of my life were a dream.

Last week I had noticed that I was starting to lose blood, my stool if I must say was turning black, and no one would believe me b/c my lab values were somewhat "normal"....I continued to get weaker and weaker and yes Jillian, delusional huh? I was seriously losing it and her and I knew it. I kept calling my primary dr telling them that I was soo tired, I kept checking my own blood pressure and heart rate, and on Wednesday I even had my friends do an EKG on me b/c I thought I was dying and having a heart attack. On Friday we went to U of M and the whole way I prayed to the Lord that they would take me and admit me, find why I was getting weaker, I looked at Steve, held his hand and said that if I went home I thought I would probably die.

I laid on the table and told my liver surgeon that I was bleeding, he didn't believe me and told us to go home. I slept on the way there, back and 13 hours at night...By Saturday I could barely move, I couldn't take care of the kids, I didn't want to eat and started getting nauseous. I prayed and cried out to the Lord because I knew I was dying. I decided to get in the car, drop the kids off to grandmas and drive to the hospital refusing to leave till they found out what was wrong.

I needed a blood transfusion and had lost over 4 units of blood in a week. I wasn't bleeding fast, one the of the veins in my throat didn't rupture or I would be vomiting blood, but something, somewhere was leaking, probably since I had my veins wrapped on the 14th of January. My disease or whatever it is that I have, is progressing quickly and it is time to take a more aggressive approach. Once you bleed, I am probably going to bleed again. Thank the Lord for my good veins in my arms b/c I am sure that I have had over 30 blood draws and IV's in the past 4 days, we contemplated a pic line, and I am sure that if we had known I would be there that long, we would have done it. I am so used to my blood thinner injections whats a few more pokes huh? When you are at the lowest you could be, you really don't care what they do to you b/c you become numb to it all.

Then wouldn't you know it, I had an allergic reaction to the 2nd unit of blood!! I never knew you could have that. I was in the ICU and within 10 minutes of the 2nd unit, I felt the blood entering my lungs, I could taste it, my chest was tight, I got a rash all over my body and my legs started going numb....I started hyper ventilating I was sooo scared. I kept calling out to the Lord to hold my hand, looking at Steve and trying to calm myself down telling myself that I could make it, that I was in a good place, that they would help me. You can imagine the nurses, dr's, everyone running around with panic...injecting me with with tons of medications to stop the reaction. My poor mom and husband watching it all go down, watching me die. It was horrible, a complete nightmare. After about 10 minutes I became stable, and then I was out, out for the night.....

Anyways, they did a scope on sunday and couldn't really tell where I was bleeding from but I did stop. They stopped my blood thinners the second I arrived and they knew what was happening and my blood levels were coming back up. They wrapped 5 more veins in my throat. I have had consults now with the interventional radiologists on what to do, my liver surgeon at U of M, and GI dr. Everyone has a different opinion and no one knows for sure what is best to do but we all know we have to do something. It was soooo frustrating being in the hospital when the very Dr's that know everything about me didn't even know I was there! They are the only ones that can help me and no one would tell me what was going on b/c no one there knows! Steve called my liver surgeon and was ready to chew him out and trust me, that guy felt like crap when he found out I was in the ICU with a blood transfusion, he couldn't believe it! It is VERY complicated. The "tips" shunt in the liver might not be possible b/c of all my clots, and if we do the other, it might not work or reclot and then we don't have any veins in my abdomen left to do anything else.....Some are only temporary, some have never been tried on a person my age and we don't know how long it will last.

We are working on getting more opinions, wherever it may be, I really don't care, I just need someone to help us. Steve and I finally started begging the Dr's to help us, if they don't know, help us find the people that DO know. We don't know what to do! I dont' know where that expert is, I need my dr's to tell me and they aren't even talking to us. So for now we wait....I have blood draws every day, I will get my veins wrapped again on the 15th, and hopefully by the end of the month I will have the next plan. Today I FINALLY got to talk to my GI dr, the girls in the office wouldn't let me talk to him when I tried to call from the hospital....He FINALLY acted sincere and like he cared and reassured us that he would help us find the person to go to. He obviously doesn't have a crystal ball and I realize that, but he thinks we have time for a second opinion. I know how it feels to bleed now, so if it happens again, we know what to do and everyone at Metro knows us now and they will now know what to do too.

Thank you to everyone for praying for me. I have lived the last few days in a dream fading in and out, and that is when I need your prayers the most b/c I can't. I KNOW the Lord is with me and I know He is sad to see me suffering like this, and He cries with me too. He is all that I have to get me through this, I honestly don't know what people do that don't have the Lord in their life when they have hardship come into their lives....I couldn't do it without Him. I cling to His promises, He has a plan, He has my life in His hands and that is my only comfort. People ask me what they can do? I don't even know what to say b/c all I can do is focus on one day at a time! I have soo much to think about that I don't even know where to begin. I am trying to regain my strength so that I can fight the next battle. Please, keep praying, I cannot tell you how much it means to me. Thank you sooo much for all your love and support,

Lisa