HOPE, Following God's Lead

I look at myself today, and I CANNOT believe that I am the same person that I was 2 weeks ago. I guess in many ways I'm not. This disease has completely changed my life in every way, but so has every little bump, let down, disappointment, and even the days of joy. LIFE, you can say, has had a whole new meaning and the Lord has used each little phase of this to change me, mold me, and yes, Shape me into who he wants Lisa to be. Have I enjoyed it? At the time its happening I have great struggle I will admit, it is definitely the hardest thing I have ever gone thru in my entire life I hope, but if this is how HE wanted to change me into what He wants me to be, then I accept this struggle. I accept the hardships in life and face them with confidence knowing that HE is using it to HIS plan and HIS purpose.

This week was a great week. I look around my house and its almost empty...If you haven't heard, the Lord decided to send that "right" buyer our way a few weeks ago and we have to be out by the end of the month. PERFECT timing....ya right! Then a friend of mine said, maybe it was perfect timing b/c the Lord is going to heal you, your gonna have surgery, come home and get a new home, new life, new start, your going to be able to leave it ALL behind, just the way the Lord had planned. (sooo true!!! I am holding on tight to that outlook!!!) Sometimes I have to laugh b/c I wonder just how much more He thinks I can take. Sometimes I just throw my hands up and say "Lord, I could use alittle break right now, my life is on uncertain grounds, we don't know what we are going to do, where are we going to live?" We leave tomorrow, and you guessed it....My kids started throwing up tonight, fever, and now mommy has to leave. I have no choice, I feel terrible, it breaks my heart! NOW? I can't stay!

HOPE. One word with an amazing impact on your outlook, emotions, passion, excitement. I didn't realize how powerful that word was until this week. The Lord opened the door and led me to a Dr. that specializes in me. My disease, my varicose bleeding veins in my throat, my blood clots, my high pressure inside my body pumping fast thru veins that can't handle the flow. The mess of what my body has become. So many clots in my major veins that we don't have anything left to work with, except create a surgery just for me. When I think about the realness, the seriousness, and mess of it inside my belly it makes me tremble with fear....I could be dead at any moment, and yet I am still here..... I love the Lord with all my heart and soul, why do I have that fear? I DO want to see the Lord, I DO.

Just when I thought I was so strong, ready to stay put together and face my friends at church, my pastor had to leave me with the most powerful message, he was speaking right to me and I cannot tell you how perfect it was for the future, even the past, that I have faced. GOD'S LEADING IN OUR LIVES. How will you and I respond? When you throw those hands in the air and say, what do I do?
1. Remind myself that GOD is always with me, guiding me. He has NEVER left me and even in the midst of this strange disease and the Dr's throwing me around from one to the next b/c they just don't know, I am NOT alone. God has been there holding my hand every single step of the way.
2. He will use me, not as I was, but who I have become b/c of HIM. He is shaping me to HIS purpose, to make Lisa who he wants her to be, and really, isn't that all that matters? I WANT to be who the Lord wants me to be, and if it takes hardships to get there, so be it. I want to be that person not just during those times, not only when I am struggling, but ALL the time.
3. God leads us step by step alittle at a time....there are times he has said, wait, no, shut doors and opened them. GOD has a plan, today and always even when we don't see it or know why, He has the whole picture in his hands.

Can you see why I should have taken a WHOLE BOX of Kleenex into church this morning. I looked like a train wreck walking out of there, I was so emotional and moved that I could hardly breathe!! Little Mrs. Martins told me that Don had a great message for me this morning, but she didn't warn me that I would be pouring tears into my coat! PERFECT. God knew exactly what I needed today just like every day. Don, you gave me the perfect gift, the reminder and faithfulness that God has a plan.

He opened this door to cleveland and I know he won't stop there. What am I going to do when its all done? That my friends is where the fun begins! Its been going so long that I almost can't imagine life any other way, its become who I am...Dr appoints, hospital stays, blood draws, injections, tests, CT's, MRI's, biopsies, scopes, pain....What am I going to do? I am going to be putting my faith into action and its gonna be on fire people! I want serve Him in anyway that my life can bring glory and honor to HIM. Help others, be there, be the friend, help those that are sick, cheer up with meals, watching their kids when they need to take naps, soooo many options and sooo much to do!!!!!!! The Lord gave me a great year of running my first ever 5k's, and not only that but getting firsts, seconds, 3rd. Do I say that thinking I am awesome, no not one bit, I never imagined even placing! But when I finished, I could feel the Lord with me, He gave me the gift of health back and I was running for HIM, and no one else, I could care less if I finish first or last b/c I am alive people!!! I am alive b/c of HIM. I have running shirts being made right now b/c someday I will be back and on the back it will say "TO GOD BE THE GLORY!". That my friends is what it is all about. Who am I? Absolutely nothing without the grace and love of my awesome Lord.

Driving tomorrow with HOPE, with God's lead, to a future that the Lord holds in His hands.