Home, Alive and Free!

My liver surgeon came to say goodbye yesterday and left us with this:

"Don't think that you don't have something seriously wrong with you because you do. Most people with Portal Hyptertension don't have near the extent of internal problems like you have and most of them that have clots, we know why and we can fix them. We could keep doing procedure after procedure to try to "fix" you, trust me, we love these type of "problems", but lets just see what happens naturally. Your portal vein is open and I don't know how but your lucky b/c it looks great in there right now. Try to take it easy when you get home for awhile, but we will follow this situation up with CT's, MRI's, Ultrasounds, and bloodwork for at least a year and hopefully you can lead a normal long life. We will keep you on blood thinners for at least a year, we can't keep you on them forever b/c then we risk something else going wrong. I believe it is from your Pregnancy so as long as you don't do something crazy and get pregnant, you should see your next 50 years."

We left the hospital and the drive was emotional. I just held my husbands hand and cried tears of joy telling him thankyou for being at my side during the past week and a half of this crazy journey in our lives. Everything seemed to take on a new meaning, the trees, being free and being alive!!! I couldn't wait to get home to see my children, hug my mom and dad, and rejoice for being alive. I couldn't stop crying, its just so hard to explain all the feelings and emotions and "stuff" I have been through. Like I said before, my life will never be the same.

I picked my kids up and Karlie just clung to me and it felt wonderful! She kept lifting my shirt b/c she knew I had an owie on my stomach and last time she saw me she was scared to touch me. She was afraid of my IV's in my arms, afraid of hurting me. I told her she didn't have to be afraid anymore b/c mommy is better and she was so happy, and just kept smiling and hugging me. Luke, he just runs around, oblivious to what has been happening in our lives. I am thankful that they will never know and won't remember this time in their lives. To them it was just a big party living at their grandpa and grandma's house's. To me, it felt like an eternity, I missed them so much! I was afraid and thought that I was going to die and never see my children again.

We came home as a family, and it felt wonderful to take a bath! Sleep in my bed with my children in their rooms next to me. I had peace, and I am so happy to be home!!!