THE YEAR OF 2011

What a year it has been! Its hard to believe that it is going to be 2012...actually it is as I write. wow I am getting old! When I think about this past year it brings many different emotions. Feelings of relief. Feelings of sadness (means the kids are getting older too!). Feelings of gratitude. It doesn't even seem real to me when I think of what this year has been, where I have been, what has happened, feels like I am in a dream when I think about it really.....Maybe b/c it was all such a blur...

2011 A YEAR OF TRIALS AND A YEAR OF BLESSINGS!!!

February- Hospitalized for 5 days with my first internal bleed from my esophagus veins growing in my throat. My disease has come back to life with avengence, new clots and bleeding mean it is time to take another step forward in a different direction. something else must be done, but what? Lost 3 units of blood and received my first blood transfusion. Scary! Full of fear. Alone. Allergic reaction to my blood transfusion lands me in the ICU, I almost died. Dr's are confused and don't know what to tell me or where I need to go. They can't help me here. Doesn't anyone care??? Please don't leave me alone to die! If you don't know what to do how am I?

March- got an offer on our house and sold it. Timing= Horrible. But like I said to Steve "We have to take a leap of faith and put our trust in God that He WILL help us through this, we need to let it go". Have to be out by the end of the month. Church and family help us pack and move. Help us find a rental home. Steve and I go to U of M, Cleveland clinic, and Detroit in search of answers, hope, someone that may know what I need to do to save my life. 3 different opinions. Now We must choose.

April- bypass surgery done at Detroit hospital. Artificial Splenorenal shunt placed in my abdomen cut entirely open during a 5 hour surgery. 8 days in the hospital again far away from my kids and family. collapsed lungs, pain and suffering. Why on earth is this happening to ME? What have I done Lord to deserve this road I have been driving for the past 2 years of my life.....Horrible experience.

May-June- recovery. slow. Not able to take care of my own children. living in an adorable rental farm house on 20 acres of peacefulness and serenity. Gaining strength back, thanking the Lord that I am alive...I have made it so far. There were many days that I wanted Him to take me home. I didn't think I had what it took to make it. Loneliness and pain, suffering, fear, doubt....all sink in.

July- bought new home. Time to start anew!! Moving time again. Feeling good and blessed to have my family and friends that love me so much to help me through this far.

August- smash and break my finger, wedding ring cut off due to bloodthinners and complications. Followed by camping and enjoying time alone with my kids, the Lord, filled with gratitude. Luke breaks his arm and has to have his in a cast for 6 weeks. Poor buddy.

Sept-December- settling in to our new home and loving it! Surrounded with family and friends. Karlies in Kindergarten all day and everyday, changing leaps and bounds before my eyes. I wonder if she will ever know how much her momma loves her? That I want to protect her, guide her, and for her to live life to the fullest with a relationship with the Lord! Instead she just rolls her eyes at me and already gives me the shoulder :( Lukes moms little buddy, usually sick with allergies, asthma and bronchitis. Visit to Detroit to see surgeon for 8 month followup. He brings tears and joy. I have come sooo far when we compare to prior CT's when I was really sick. My bypass is OPEN and working well. BUT vessels are enlarging, liver is growing, not as much blood is going thru liver as anticipated, lifelong injections of bloodthinner make me scared....We must wait and see.....Will it stay open? Will bloodthinners cause a catastrophe again of bleeding out, what if we can't stop it? What if its in my brain? I see too much Lisa at work....Put your faith and trust in God. My life is in His hands and only He knows the answers to this all. Live each day as if it were my last. Enjoy my kids and loved ones to the fullest. Spend every day with the Lord and serving Him. My goal. My will. It will be done.

Thank you Lord for my life. Forgive me when I complain about its lumps and bumps :) For blessing me with my friends and family that have been with me through this year, for being there to help with my children when I couldn't be. For giving me the strength I needed to go on, for telling me To fight and keep trying when I have felt like giving up. For holding my hand when I was scared and alone, lying in hospital beds, visiting dr's, and fighting for my life. Thank you for providing us with Dr. Aboujould and providing him with the knowledge, wisdom and skill to see the whole picture and what was needed to fix Lisa, not just another patient. For guiding his hands during the surgery and for allowing all to go well so far. Thank you for our church, the prayers, meals, cards, flowers, the Veltemas and their generous hearts allowing us use of their storage units and their adorable farm house that we could call home while I was recovering and healing while searching for our next home. Thank you for leading us to our new home, it is perfect for us! It is so beautiful and we are so happy there! It will be filled with so many wonderful memories for years and years to come. Thank you for loving me and for sacrificing your life for mine. I pray that I live my life each day to the fullest for you and bring glory to your name for all the goodness, love and mercy you have given. Please help my little light shine to everyone around so they may see the Love I have for you and teach me how to show them the love you have for them so that they may know you too! Thank you for drawing me closer to you through this all. You have blessed me in more ways than I deserve and I am forever grateful for all that you have done. Please, continue to hold my hand in the time that lies ahead however long that may be..... May I always lean on the promises that you have proven to me to be so true. I will Trust in you with all of my heart, and when I am taken home, I know that I will be with you.