BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD

That verse (psalm 46:10) has been popping up and in my face everywhere I turn. I am NOT kidding!!! I cannot even begin to tell you how many times and the places that I have been reading it. Its like every paper I open, every sign I see in the store, every picture I look at, has it on it! The Lord must be telling me to do just that.....So I am. "Be Still and KNOW that I am GOD."...... Renting is an awesome thing. You don't have to do your lawn, you don't have to snow blow/plow, you don't have to buy stuff for the house b/c you really don't want to stick your money into anything short term so you save a ton of money, and if something breaks, someone else has to fix it! Its great! With only one bedroom (ya you read that right! Steve and I sleep in the porch! Its like a 4-season room so its really not as bad as it sounds :) with only 1 bathroom and a small living area, you can clean the place in NO time! Its great! You have all the time in the world to focus on your kids, read your bible, pray, visit friends, hang out with family, and really enjoy and focus on LIFE. Each day is a Gift. I really think that when I have to leave, its going to be harder on me b/c I just love this little place and it has been so special to me b/c I truly feel like its the greatest blessing...Our house sold, we have a cozy place to live, and I can recover after surgery in our comfy little farm house, the Lord KNEW just what Lisa needed and the Veltemas are the most wonderful people and I cannot thank them enough for all that they have done for us. Its been a great adventure and it has made me really appreciate country living and being "away" yet so close to it all. "Be Still and KNOW that I am GOD"......so when are we going to leave? I don't know and I really am in no hurry to do so. I don't care if we stay here for years! Honestly! Ya we have looked. We went through a few homes so far, some in hudsonville and we have seriously contemplated buying already but I just keep thinking about that little verse that the Lord is popping in my face and head and think that He MUST be telling me to wait. Do we want to live in hudsonville or Byron Center? I LOVE my church and that is the only thing that makes me hesitant to leave hudsonville. Karlie is in preschool so I am not afraid of starting a different school system b/c we just started. I LOVE Byron center b/c that is where I was born and raised, it has a special place in my heart. We can really go anywhere! Where does the Lord WANT us to be? Where is that home going to be? Will I KNOW it when I see it? All things that only the Lord knows right now and that is all that gives me comfort . "Be Still and KNOW that I am GOD"....not even 2 weeks away from laying in the hospital to have surgery. We leave this week Thursday to have all my pre-op testing done to make sure my heart can "handle" the surgery which includes: chest xray, bloodwork, MRI, EKG, and meeting with the surgeon and discussing all options and what exactly this is going to me for me come the day of surgery and the time after. What to expect. The closer it gets, the more I cling to that verse....Yes I am scared but at the same time I know that the Lord will be with me and I do believe that He has led us to this decision and that it is the best one for me to do at this time. Will it be "the fix"? Again only the Lord knows that right now and that is the only thing that gives me comfort. One day at a time.....I am afraid of the pain and I am afraid to see my husband or mom worry or cry, they can't stand to see me suffering and we all pray that suffering will end....I am going to miss my kids. I am not afraid to die b/c if I do, oh man, I am going to be singing praises to the almighty Lord and I will finally get to see His glory forever and ever! I will not be sad to say goodbye to this world in which we live today. Karlie and Luke: Mom has to take time to do this right now for MY life and MY health and I can't be the mom I want to be..... someday I know they will understand and I can tell them about the Lords faithfulness to us and show them how much he blessed us thru this time of struggle and trials. 12 days to go....I cling to the promise I have in the Lord "Be Still and KNOW that I am GOD!!"