FARM HOUSE

BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD

That verse (psalm 46:10) has been popping up and in my face everywhere I turn. I am NOT kidding!!! I cannot even begin to tell you how many times and the places that I have been reading it. Its like every paper I open, every sign I see in the store, every picture I look at, has it on it! The Lord must be telling me to do just that.....So I am. "Be Still and KNOW that I am GOD."...... Renting is an awesome thing. You don't have to do your lawn, you don't have to snow blow/plow, you don't have to buy stuff for the house b/c you really don't want to stick your money into anything short term so you save a ton of money, and if something breaks, someone else has to fix it! Its great! With only one bedroom (ya you read that right! Steve and I sleep in the porch! Its like a 4-season room so its really not as bad as it sounds :) with only 1 bathroom and a small living area, you can clean the place in NO time! Its great! You have all the time in the world to focus on your kids, read your bible, pray, visit friends, hang out with family, and really enjoy and focus on LIFE. Each day is a Gift. I really think that when I have to leave, its going to be harder on me b/c I just love this little place and it has been so special to me b/c I truly feel like its the greatest blessing...Our house sold, we have a cozy place to live, and I can recover after surgery in our comfy little farm house, the Lord KNEW just what Lisa needed and the Veltemas are the most wonderful people and I cannot thank them enough for all that they have done for us. Its been a great adventure and it has made me really appreciate country living and being "away" yet so close to it all. "Be Still and KNOW that I am GOD"......so when are we going to leave? I don't know and I really am in no hurry to do so. I don't care if we stay here for years! Honestly! Ya we have looked. We went through a few homes so far, some in hudsonville and we have seriously contemplated buying already but I just keep thinking about that little verse that the Lord is popping in my face and head and think that He MUST be telling me to wait. Do we want to live in hudsonville or Byron Center? I LOVE my church and that is the only thing that makes me hesitant to leave hudsonville. Karlie is in preschool so I am not afraid of starting a different school system b/c we just started. I LOVE Byron center b/c that is where I was born and raised, it has a special place in my heart. We can really go anywhere! Where does the Lord WANT us to be? Where is that home going to be? Will I KNOW it when I see it? All things that only the Lord knows right now and that is all that gives me comfort . "Be Still and KNOW that I am GOD"....not even 2 weeks away from laying in the hospital to have surgery. We leave this week Thursday to have all my pre-op testing done to make sure my heart can "handle" the surgery which includes: chest xray, bloodwork, MRI, EKG, and meeting with the surgeon and discussing all options and what exactly this is going to me for me come the day of surgery and the time after. What to expect. The closer it gets, the more I cling to that verse....Yes I am scared but at the same time I know that the Lord will be with me and I do believe that He has led us to this decision and that it is the best one for me to do at this time. Will it be "the fix"? Again only the Lord knows that right now and that is the only thing that gives me comfort. One day at a time.....I am afraid of the pain and I am afraid to see my husband or mom worry or cry, they can't stand to see me suffering and we all pray that suffering will end....I am going to miss my kids. I am not afraid to die b/c if I do, oh man, I am going to be singing praises to the almighty Lord and I will finally get to see His glory forever and ever! I will not be sad to say goodbye to this world in which we live today. Karlie and Luke: Mom has to take time to do this right now for MY life and MY health and I can't be the mom I want to be..... someday I know they will understand and I can tell them about the Lords faithfulness to us and show them how much he blessed us thru this time of struggle and trials. 12 days to go....I cling to the promise I have in the Lord "Be Still and KNOW that I am GOD!!"

LIFE ON THE FARM

It has been an insane year, the year of 2011 has been a life changing one. I look back and I cannot believe how much has happened, changed, places I have been, things done....

I found out that I was sick again, I was in the hospital at metro for 4 days, experienced my first internal bleed, traveled to U of M for a consult with liver surgeon #1, traveled to Cleveland Clinic in Ohio for a consult with liver surgeon #2, and traveled to Henry Ford Detroit for a consult with liver surgeon #3. I am still mind boggled that 3 Dr's all had different views and opinions! Along with 3 scopes to look at my varicose veins in my throat, meaning sedation, and along with it comes pain, no eating, and a few days out of commission. And then on top of that, within a month and a half, we sold our house, signed, closed, moved out and moved into a farm house. Oh my goodness, no wonder I feel like I have been living life in a whirlwind!! There are days that I don't know where I am going or what I am doing!

Finally things seem to be settling down, and I can sit back and feel peace. Our home is gone, and I leave it with no sad feelings. That makes me feel good. Its not that I didn't love our home, I really did and I pray that I find one that I love as much as it. It was just time....Time to move on, and find the home to raise our kids for the rest of their lives and one not on a busy road, one with sidewalks, and hopefully many new friends. I am still sitting here with boxes all around and clothes piled on the floor, not knowing where to go with most of it. If you know me, I do not like disorder. Ya, I have some OCD but I am getting better in my old age :) I will always like things organized and clean but I am learning to let stuff go too, you start to realize it really DOESN'T matter and whats clean one minute is dirty the next. I have too many other things that ARE important to focus on.

So far I have successfully locked myself out of this little farm house 3 times. Day one, leaving for work for the first time. Let our dog out, 6 am, locked out. Knock on the front window and THANKFULLY sleeping king actually woke up and let me in. Turn around and try to open the garage door, stuck shut. Try to go back in the house, left the only key on the table, locked out again. THANKFULLY it was STEVE that decided it would be brilliant to close a 75 year old garage door that probably has never moved in 75 years. The springs snapped and wires went flying scraping my whole length of my car and smashing my windshield which now has a crack going all the way across my view. (if it would have been me that did this to HIS truck, oh my, I would never hear the end of it!) I have fallen, banged and knotted every muscle in my body, moving and lifting things to get us "settled" Only proves to me that I am definitely getting old and I better only have to move one more time in my life, why do we have sooo much unnecessary stuff!!!!

Karlie and Luke think this place is awesome. I asked if they missed our house and they screamed NO!!!! Luke says "I like our farm house!" They love sharing a room and think we are on a great adventure. Karlie refuses to take a bath or shower b/c she says there is dirt in the water. I will admit, I am sure she over hears me, and I don't think I will ever be taking a bath here, even went back to mom and dads to take one at their house, it was wonderful! City water!! Do you ever outgrow your mom and dads house? I feel like I still live there sometimes and I am 34 years old!!! Don't worry, I am clean, I do take showers here :)The dishes...Actually I have learned that its not that bad living without a dishwasher. Steve and I have bonded quite often over the dishes and tonight we were washing and drying the dishes together jamming away to Styx on the Ipod player. He keeps telling me that he is going to turn me into his little country girl yet. :)

I like it here. I feel at home. Now all I have to do is wait. Wait for surgery which hopefully will be happening soon and I will find out in the next few days. Wait for the house to hit that market that will be our HOME. Am I anxious? No. I am content. I am learning to appreciate even more, living simple, and loving it. I could rent this place for the rest of my life, eventually I will have to get used to the water! :) Do not be anxious about anything but by prayer and petition and with thanksgiving present your requests to God. (phil.4:6) The Lord will always take care of us, I have no fear, no anxious desires. I just love the Lord my God with all my heart and I am not afraid to tell anyone about it! Lead me, help me Lord to be the woman, the wife, mom, daughter, sister, and friend that you have called me to be. Fill my heart with your truth, and show me how to glorify you in all that I do. Amen.

NEW EMAIL ADDRESS

So I was really mad this week when I discovered that my email account was closed without any warning. We moved and comcast isn't available where we moved too and when you cancel cable and internet, it takes away your email account as well. Did NOT know this and was NOT told this when I called to cancel. They said I was supposed to read it in the literature when I signed up 8 years ago! I was NOT happy. So all my contacts, favorite emails, doctor reports, you name it are GONE! If you have emailed me in the past week chances are that I did NOT get it. Resend or contact me at lisa.jongsma@yahoo.com Thanks! Sorry!

CONSULT #3 DETROIT HENRY FORD HOSPITAL

So, I am running out of energy tonight and I should be going to bed, but I thought I better give an update. I said goodbye to our home of 8 years yesterday and I really felt good about it and had amazing peace about the whole thing. I wasn't sad at all! I wonder why? I guess b/c I know its not the home I want to stay in, I long to be in the area safe for the kids and school and be closer to church too. It was a great home and I loved it but it was time to go. I am ready for that next step, the next phase of life, hopefully to land in the home to raise our kids for the rest of their lives while at home with us. Its a new hope, new beginning and I am ready.

So we are in our cute little farm house. Its working well, I don't know where to go with all of our stuff, but it will work. I can tell you a few things already, 1. I don't like the smell of well water! GROSS!! Luke took a bath on saturday and I told steve that I didn't know if I could make it here. :) The water barely came out and it took almost an hour to fill the tub. The shower was much better and I am trying to keep an open mind. 2. I miss my dishwasher.
Other than that, I love my new kitchen, TONS of cupboards, pantry, storage and it is so homey and comfy and I just love it here! I do think that I could handle staying awhile and steve is already anxious to fire up the dirtbikes and hit the land and make trails for Luke and himself. We are all adjusting well and the kids are in LOVE sharing a room and think we are on a great adventure! Karlie tells everyone that we live in a barn and luke wants to know why it isn't red. :)

Henry ford in Detroit. I arrived and lets just say, the place doesn't give a very good impression. It looks really old, run down, dirty, and there are tons of people standing everywhere. We arrived a little early to make sure we found it ok and it was an awesome experience. The nurse was so great. She helped put me at ease and told me that the Dr. was awesome and that HE could figure out what to do. She said that in the past 10 years she has never seen a case like mine. She told me that he was going to figure me out and he would know exactly what to do.
She was right. Dr. Abouljoud was awesome! We spent an hour and half talking, he showed us diagrams, explained the body, most of which I already knew but I appreciated the fact that he was talking right to STEVE and showing him and telling him, so that everyone understood. He drew us pictures and talked about the different surgery options and why he didn't agree with them. Like he said, its not a matter of CAN they be done? We all know that each surgery suggested can be done but SHOULD it be done? We can't look at my case and figure out why this happened, its very complicated case, but we CAN take care of what has happened and get an action plan. IF he had to guess, it was from pregnancy and my delivery of luke, separating and breaking my back. (I KNEW THAT KID SHOULD HAVE BEEN TAKEN C-SECTION!!!) He said "its like the chicken and the egg, what came first?" (THIS WAS MY LINE!!! IF YOU LOOK AT MY PREVIOUS BLOG, I THINK I SAID THE EXACT SAME THING!!!) I loved him right away. He gives speeches to other doctors around the country b/c most Dr's want to place patients in either an "A" or "B" category, but we cannot do that to patients and HE suggests that you look at the patient as an individual and do what is best for them in their situation, a unconventional approach at creating the surgery to the patients needs. He didn't say anything bad about the other institutions but by explaining WHY their approach wasn't the best for me, it TOTALLY made sense and it was like writing on the wall. He KNEW me better than any dr. I have ever gone too and usually we are the one teaching the dr what is wrong and this time he showed us what is wrong and what we need to do about it.

We don't remove the spleen b/c my body needs it and major vessels have now attached themselves to that spleen and depend on it for their blood supply, we cannot take it out b/c we might have taken away a very important piece in my situation, we don't know how important it might be in there and we have to leave it.

We don't want to put a shunt in my liver "TIPS" b/c for one, the way it is usually done can't be done b/c that vein has a clot in it. So they would have to do it a non traditional way and that vein has too much of an angle to it and more than likely will not stay open long. Plus we bypass a healthy liver and we don't need to do that. "Some Dr's love the acknowledgement of creating papers and publicizing documents and books and thats great" he says, "I want to save peoples lives by getting in them, and actually DOING the surgeries. I know what works. Do I have all the literature and documents to prove it, no. I could have published millions of papers, but that is not what I was called to do."

We leave all the body parts, organs, and vessels where they are and create an artificial bypass "shunt" between my splenic vein and kidney vein. Essentially close to what U of M had proposed but not removing my spleen and using its vein to create the bypass but putting a fake one in. This way, we are NOT using one of my own veins and then if this clots or doesn't stay open we are not any worse off than we are today. We have OPTIONS. We leave the door open to what God forbid my happen years down the road. We don't know how long it will last, it could last forever but if it doesn't we still have many other options, we haven't clotted off a real vein and now are left without that one too! He put one in a patient similar to me, not with all the clot burden, but she has had hers for over 5 years and is doing well. He left telling us to think about it, talk, call him if questions, and he said he would call my GI and thank him for the "easy" referral. (wink).

Steve and I loved him. It was the answer we had been looking for, something that made 100% sense and something I have complete confidence in. Yes its surgery, yes I have to do something he says and I agree with that, but it could fix the problem forever and if something does happen, I am not worse off, it just means we are back to where we are today....We would have to find something else. I am doing it. I am ready. Big incision, 4-7 days at Henry ford, 6-8 weeks recovery. Ultrasounds and CT's monthly, spread to yearly, and if we reach 5 years, we might be done!

I will call tomorrow. Cancel my surgery at Cleveland clinic and schedule the new one. I am ready. I KNOW the Lord is going to take great care of me. I KNOW he is here holding my hand right now and loving me, I know he wants to see this come to an end just as much as I do. I KNOW that my relationship with him is all that matters in life and in death and that my friends is amazing comfort and peace when you TRULY know and understand how amazing he is. This life has taught me that it is FULL of disappointments, sadness, trials, struggles, let downs, friends and family will all hurt you at times, there is no guarantee in life but ONE, HIM. I have Him and my relationship to him is all that matters!!