TIME TO MOVE AND FIGHT!

I will admit it, I have really struggled this time. I have grieved more this time around than the first, or second. Maybe b/c I know that we haven't resolved anything like I thought, maybe b/c I know the pain that is to come and I am fearful of going through it again, or maybe b/c I realize that I am no better today than I was 2 years ago and I thought I was. I am not sure but boy has Satan had a hayday tearing me down. I think I cried all day this past Thursday and I was at work too! My surgeon from U of M sent me an email the night before saying that he had talked to my GI Dr. and to anticipate and plan for surgery. Thats all it said. No details, no this is what I am thinking, just the words Surgery.

So on my way to work I was talking with God, praying, and we had an amazing time together, the songs that came on my radio were like He was talking right to me! Even the songs from my blog came on! It made me cry even more b/c I knew and could feel He was with me and talking with me.
Satan has been putting so much doubt, fear in my head but I think I am over it now. Today I am ready to fight. I am ready to hit this head on and I KNOW that God is going to help me through it. There is No doubt in my mind that I can do this....I have done it before, and I am ready to do it again. I have cried enough and I am only going to look up, the Lord has me in his hands, I know he has cried and grieved with me, and we are going to do this!

I had an Ultrasound on friday revealing that most of the main blood vessels ARE flowing in the right direction. (this is good) BUT I have soooo many veins that are NOT supposed to be there, those new veins created to go around the clots, and those are the ones flowing in the wrong direction (not good). I have tons of clots, some of my vessels will never be open again. One of my lobes of my liver is almost gone, but the other one has grown bigger to compensate for the loss of the other. My spleen is getting even bigger! It is huge! Couldn't even fit it on the screen for measurement but we think it is over 21 cm, it was 18 last time, categorized as Extreme splenomegaly. (not good)

Game plan: Thursday I meet with the interventional radiologists from Spectrum/Metro/Holland and they will discuss what they think we should do. I am thinking that my liver surgeon wants to put a liver shunt in me like we had talked about before, but I want 2nd opinions. I am not having nothing done until we ALL feel confident about it b/c I don't want to just "guess" at the fix and suffer lifelong consequences for a bad decision. I was supposed to get one of those shunts before but that Dr wouldn't do it. Why? If he didn't, why do I want one now?
Friday I meet with my surgeon at U of M. He sent me another email after the results of the Ultrasound and says he has a "plan".
So I am excited for what the week has in store. Exploring the options, hearing what everyone out there is thinking. Maybe getting some answers. I may still go to Mayo with my case, we will see.
Till then, I am living one day at a time, loving my little bundles of JOY, thanking the Lord for each new day and giving God the glory for all the blessings in my life! Someday, this will all be a distant memory...................I praise you Lord for I am wonderful and fearfully made, even if I am "complicated" :)