6th SCOPE/BANDING OF VEINS

I cannot sleep. Yes, I took a nap when I got home b/c I was so sedated, but I normally sleep fine at night. I have a ton of things running through my brain and cannot slow it down. I woke up with pain and unless I stay on top of my meds, the pain is unbearable.

It takes a whole day to recuperate and then some for me. All for 6 minutes of a procedure!!! How is that possible? I arrive 1 hour early, stay in the surgical room about 30-40 minutes, and then 2 hours in recovery. Come home and sleep the sedation off, and if they do banding, remain on as much drugs as I can and rest....Its terrible. Especially for me b/c I am NOT one to sit around and I never take naps. I felt completely withdrawn from my kids all day b/c I couldn't really do anything with them. I saw them, but its just not the same.

Dr. Serini was really quiet. Hardly spoke a word to me. I think its b/c there is nothing else he can do. He doesn't know why this is back, why it happened, and he doesn't know what they are going to do. He is a colon dr. not a blood vessel doc. He is dealing with the consequences of a primary condition and doing what he can to keep me alive in his realm of his specialty.

He said he has to band me again in a month.....Man it hurts! I have a high pain tolerance but this sucks. I don't know how they do it but somehow they wrap rubber bands around the root of the vein to kill off the blood supply and prevent it from getting larger and eventually hemorrhaging. Isn't that amazing?

He did say he spoke with Englesbe, my liver surgeon to tell him what he saw last week and that my varices are back. I wonder what Englesbe is going to do. I think it means a big surgery, a risky surgery, one that I could die from, b/c thats why we didn't do that option first. We were all hoping that this first attempt would work. I know they can't do nothing b/c I can't live like this. Realistically my veins will eventually hemorrhage and kill me, or the clots will kill me so what choice do I have.....

I know I shouldn't speculate b/c who knows...Maybe it won't be that bad. I just don't want to be away from my kids again. Last time it was 10 days for me and that was really hard on me. They would come to see me in the hospital but they didn't even dare touch me b/c they were scared off all the IV's in mom and Karlie was afraid she would hurt me. It made me cry.
Ok, I guess I will try to sleep again.