I have to say that I am acting like nothing has ever happened. Do I think about my health and what happened alot? Absolutely. Am I worried? Absolutely. I can't believe that I am the same person sitting here today that I was 2 weeks ago laying in a hospital bed in so much pain and so much mental frustration wondering what to do with myself when it seemed no one else did either.
I don't know if I am done with "stuff"....I wish I was. I feel pain in my chest every now and then and start to worry, wondering if its normal. Sometimes I lay in bed wondering if I am going to die. Will I live to see my 40th? 50th? My kids get married? Only the good Lord knows. Sometimes I struggle with the thought of death and I am afraid of it, I will admit that I am weak when it comes to the idea of leaving this earth behind, my family. Even though I KNOW I am going to such a better place! I know that no one knows when our time on this earth is done, but it gives me fear....I don't want to die. I tell you what, I sure think about the saying a whole lot more "live each day as if it were your last!" I have changed and I am glad. This has all made me such a better person. I can't even begin to describe it but I have so many feelings and so many thoughts running around, things I want to do, people to see, just living and enjoying LIFE!
I have another banding procedure in a week, I cancelled it and pushed it off a few days b/c I just don't want to go! I don't want to do anything else.....But I know I have to. Maybe he will be happy with what he sees. Maybe I won't have to have these "veins" wrapped anymore. That would be so nice!
My kids are awesome. Sometimes Steve comes home and asks me why I go everywhere and do so much with them? Why not? I want them to experience life, I want to explore, see the world through their eyes, be together, and enjoy every moment I have with my kids! I don't care if we are home or away, I just can't get enough of them. God made me a mom and for that I feel so blessed!
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