Back to Henry Ford

It has officially been 3 years since my bypass surgery at Henry Ford!!!  I cannot believe it has been that long!!!  It seriously seems like yesterday to me in my mind.  Praise be to God that all looks well on the inside, for the most part.  I think that is the thing the blows me away the most, I look totally fine and maybe no different than I ever did before on the outside but on the inside I am completely new, in my heart and in my belly.... A new highway of vessels and now a new little buddy that was glowing on my most recent CT scan (my artificial bypass connecting 2 main vessels to open up the flow)....I truly am an amazing vessel inside :)  I found a new favorite song which I LOVE!!!!!

These scars- by Mandisa
How the Lord reached down and healed me and remind me of Gods amazing faithfulness and all that He has brought me through.  How He reached down and made me new, and thanks be to God for His amazing hand in it all.  The pain, the reflections in the mirror of my scared body are a reminder of Gods faithfulness and I can always look at them and thank God for so many things!!  Christ took scars for me too!

One thing didn't look so good and that is my incisional hernia that has resulted for my surgery.  They cut my belly with a 10 inch sideways incision and it never came together very good from the very beginning.  I kept going to the Dr and telling them that it wasn't healing and they said to give it time.  Well, 3 years later it is definitely getting worse.  The muscles on the whole left side of my belly have completely died.  The Dr thought they would come back together but they never have and he is surprised at this.  By the end of the night I can measure my stomach and it is 3-4 inches bigger than in the morning.  Basically my guts are falling out.  I need an internal mesh/girdle :)  The only problem is, how are we going to attach it and to what when all the muscles on one side have died.  Grafting of muscles from another body source?  (don't like that)....

Can we leave it?  The dr. said that it is getting worse and if I want to remain active, I need it fixed.  He said that it could lead to getting colon entrapment (colon falling into the hernia pocket) and then we would be in a MUCH bigger and complicated position.

My surgeon told me that he would look into finding me a Dr. here locally to get it fixed.  A month later he called me and said that the more he thought about my situation and my history, he wants me to come to Henry Ford.  I am completely ok with that!  I told the nurses that right from the beginning that if it meant coming that way I would.  The last thing I want to do it have complications here in a local hospital and they will not know what to do.  I have been there.....Remember I laid at metro for 4 days before being asked to send me away by ambulance to U of M....I just don't want to go down that road again.  My surgeon said that he will be there to assist the new surgeon if needed and they need the Henry Ford Hematology group involved to pull me OFF blood thinner, long enough to have the surgery safely, but yet NOT long enough to clot my bypass.....very critical timing with keeping my blood flowing safely, and the LAST thing we want to jeopardize is my bypass.  I trust Henry ford and I am comfortable there.

Soooo, Off we go!!!  Friday May 5 we will be headed back to Henry ford in detroit for a CONSULT only.  we do NOT know what this surgeon will say, HOW he will fix me, and this surgery will be MUCH less scary to me than the first.... the length or depth of surgery involved or recovery and who knows, he may even say" no way" we are leaving it alone and why rock the boat if the boat isn't broke".

At first I cried for a few days....Flashbacks, thinking what if this, what if that, what about my kids, why did this happen, didn't I suffer enough, will my suffering ever end, why me....BUT then I got a grip on myself and my thoughts and took them captive and reflected on the promises of God. I CAN do this!  Through Christ ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE.  He gave me the most amazing strength I have EVER felt in my entire life.  I could have never made it without Him. He will never leave nor forsake me, He has my life in his almighty hands, Not a hair falls from my head without Him knowing, and He loves me far beyond anything I could ever imagine.  Trust in the Lord for there is NO other way.  I allowed my kids to see my fear but then used it as a great teaching opportunity b/c this time they ARE old enough to understand what mom is going though. They do understand.  I tell them all the time that mommy was very very sick and almost died several times but that it was the best thing that ever happened in mommies life b/c I found Jesus and Jesus kept me here today with them to help show them the way!!  I want them to know that we have a great God and to not be in fear.  That mommy is going to be ok and that God's Will, will be done and we can be CONFIDENT that He will be with me and carrying me through this all the way.  Honestly, if its my time to go, I am ok with that now, the first time I couldn't say that because I didn't have Christ in my life or KNOW Him and have a relationship with Him like I do today.  I have a new trust, hope and confidence in Christ that I never had the first time.

Prayers would be great!!! Wisdom and knowledge for the surgeons involved on how to fix me "again"....