The Planner

Ya I will admit that I am pretty ADD, I have moments of ADHD, or OCD whatever you want to call it, type-A, planner.....you know the type.  But I really honestly think that it is starting to change....and I am LOVING it!!!! Call it growth, getting old, maturity, as my walk with the Lord gets stronger, as I cling to Him more and more, and say goodbye to self, life seems to be changing greatly, in more ways than I can even recall over the past few months....I really wish that I would have started a list, (there's my OCD showing again) ;) or journal the ways that the Lord has been working b/c I just love sitting back and looking with awe at the hand of the Lord in visible and tangible ways.  So often I think that I know what is best for our lives, the way I want things to go, and yet God's ways have ALWAYS proven to me that His ways are sooooo much better.  I don't want to plan anymore.  I haven't been planning anything!  Don't tell my husband, he would probably fall off his chair dead.

I guess b/c the more I realize, who cares, the less I care....maybe thats a bad thing?  BUT I see the good in it too in many more ways.  Started with bible study....Will I be a leader again?  I couldn't say.  I can say yes, no....I don't know what lies ahead for my life.  I am starting to just live one day at a time.  Steve and I decided to keep Luke home next year (not homeschooling!!!) but 3 full days of kindergarten rather than every day.  Karlie did every day all day, but with Luke its different.  He's my last little one, he doesn't like school as much as Karlie, and he wants to stay home too.  What are my priorities?  I am allowing God to run them now instead of me and I am just loving it!!! Its been soooooo freeing, I greatly encourage you to do the same, and let GOD steer my life and not yourself.  When I try, it only makes things worse.  When I give the reigns to Him, it makes it better.  Hello???  Why wouldn't I do this.  B/c I am type A, ADD, OCD, and stubborn, trying to steer my own life, I have to be in control, women have to do it all, I have to be the everything for everyone else.  But I don't want too anymore.  I tried steering my own life 5 years ago and thought I was doing it fine, but I was miserable....God led me thru situations that I was brought to the bottom of all life, and I lifted my hands and said "ok Lord, take this from me, I give my all to you, I can't do life without You.  I have been trying and I am miserable."  That was the first step....I said all.  I didn't let go of all....It is an every day, process, every single minute surrender.

Maybe you can relate.  I make lists, plan my week, plan my day....I got this and that to do....BAM, Luke gets sick, Karlie, Steve needs me to do something else, I get a flat tire (ok, so this has never happened) but the whole point is, I would get mad, frustrated, that I didn't get to do what I wanted to do, and then I would take it out on everyone else.  Selfishness it what it comes down too.  Instead, I am now choosing to make "general" agenda's but if something comes up, my sister calls for coffee or a great friend, someone needs a meal or my son gets sick for 5 days, I don't care, I choose to say "thank you Lord" for slowing my life down, for interrupting my schedule, my plan to take an opportunity to see you and see what YOU have planned for my life.  It goes so much better!!!  Problems will always arise, kids will always get sick, there will always be laundry to do, groceries to get, but instead of getting upset that they don't get done on Lisa's schedule and timeline, its ok.  Let go and let God....Its just that simple.  :)