Ya I will admit that I am pretty ADD, I have moments of ADHD, or OCD whatever you want to call it, type-A, planner.....you know the type. But I really honestly think that it is starting to change....and I am LOVING it!!!! Call it growth, getting old, maturity, as my walk with the Lord gets stronger, as I cling to Him more and more, and say goodbye to self, life seems to be changing greatly, in more ways than I can even recall over the past few months....I really wish that I would have started a list, (there's my OCD showing again) ;) or journal the ways that the Lord has been working b/c I just love sitting back and looking with awe at the hand of the Lord in visible and tangible ways. So often I think that I know what is best for our lives, the way I want things to go, and yet God's ways have ALWAYS proven to me that His ways are sooooo much better. I don't want to plan anymore. I haven't been planning anything! Don't tell my husband, he would probably fall off his chair dead.
I guess b/c the more I realize, who cares, the less I care....maybe thats a bad thing? BUT I see the good in it too in many more ways. Started with bible study....Will I be a leader again? I couldn't say. I can say yes, no....I don't know what lies ahead for my life. I am starting to just live one day at a time. Steve and I decided to keep Luke home next year (not homeschooling!!!) but 3 full days of kindergarten rather than every day. Karlie did every day all day, but with Luke its different. He's my last little one, he doesn't like school as much as Karlie, and he wants to stay home too. What are my priorities? I am allowing God to run them now instead of me and I am just loving it!!! Its been soooooo freeing, I greatly encourage you to do the same, and let GOD steer my life and not yourself. When I try, it only makes things worse. When I give the reigns to Him, it makes it better. Hello??? Why wouldn't I do this. B/c I am type A, ADD, OCD, and stubborn, trying to steer my own life, I have to be in control, women have to do it all, I have to be the everything for everyone else. But I don't want too anymore. I tried steering my own life 5 years ago and thought I was doing it fine, but I was miserable....God led me thru situations that I was brought to the bottom of all life, and I lifted my hands and said "ok Lord, take this from me, I give my all to you, I can't do life without You. I have been trying and I am miserable." That was the first step....I said all. I didn't let go of all....It is an every day, process, every single minute surrender.
Maybe you can relate. I make lists, plan my week, plan my day....I got this and that to do....BAM, Luke gets sick, Karlie, Steve needs me to do something else, I get a flat tire (ok, so this has never happened) but the whole point is, I would get mad, frustrated, that I didn't get to do what I wanted to do, and then I would take it out on everyone else. Selfishness it what it comes down too. Instead, I am now choosing to make "general" agenda's but if something comes up, my sister calls for coffee or a great friend, someone needs a meal or my son gets sick for 5 days, I don't care, I choose to say "thank you Lord" for slowing my life down, for interrupting my schedule, my plan to take an opportunity to see you and see what YOU have planned for my life. It goes so much better!!! Problems will always arise, kids will always get sick, there will always be laundry to do, groceries to get, but instead of getting upset that they don't get done on Lisa's schedule and timeline, its ok. Let go and let God....Its just that simple. :)
Saturday, March 23, 2013
Friday, March 8, 2013
pics of Dads hospital stay
Cause or Allow? It doesn't matter, IT is finished.
Oh the question that has been weighing on my heart for years, cause or allow....Does God cause bad things to happen or allow them? I know can see that it really doesn't matter what the answer is to that question b/c ultimately GOD has a meticulous plan that only He has designed and His ways are not mine, His thought are not mine, and as long as He knows the end, it doesn't matter to Lisa, I must simply follow and grow.
We are studying Ruth in Bible Study right now and what an amazing book in the bible, the short 4 chapters have SOOOOO much detail that it is absolutely mind boggling. How on earth a person can not see how the bible relates to "real life/today situations" is beyond me b/c at any time, certain pieces of the bible can become alive and speak to me, my situation, my life, Gods will for me. Like someone said, How can I know what God's will for me is and live a life for Christ if I never read the bible? His amazing plan of bringing Ruth and Naomi widowed, back to their homeland, to meet Boaz, who in turn marries Ruth which ultimately leads to the line of Jesus....By chance? There is NO way anyone but God could think of a plan and have the events happen like they did, to all point us to the life of Christ that wasn't even going to take place for many years and lifetimes to come!!! Do you think Ruth could have ever imagined that her lineage would lead to the Birth of a Lord? I just love the saying "God loves to make a somebody out of a no body'' He used her and he can use us according to His ultimate will and plan.
Have you ever looked back on your life and shook your head in disbelief at the circumstances and events that lead you to the life you are living today and see Gods hand all along the way? I sure have and can!!! Its so important to take time to reflect and see Gods hand and give Him the praise that even tho we like Ruth, couldn't see all that the future had in store for her life, He was always there and she simply obeyed and followed and He lead her to such a beautiful place and promise. God can and will do that for us too!! Like my proverbs 31 devotion today, he uses events and trials to come into our lives to refine us to make us into what HE wants us to be, to teach us things that we never may have known before. I have NO doubt that God had a plan for me and still does....Even when I struggle to understand what it is, I know He loves me and He wants me to become all He wants Lisa to be. Not someone else. Lisa. I can't wait to teach that to my kids and have them trust the events in their own little lives b/c God always knows and He is always there with a great plan. I always tell them, Mom loves you soooooo much. Luke says, Yup, but someone else loves me more. I have to say: who? He smiles and says, God. You got it Luke!!! Always, always remember that. Sometimes the path is hard, sometimes easy, but we must always stay in His will and Not Lisa's. Oh man, that only leads to disaster!!!
For the past 6 weeks my family has been sent thru a deep valley and great trial....Wednesday January 23 I got a call from my mom while at work, and she said that dad was very bad that he was brought by ambulance to Spectrum with severe back pain. He has been having struggles ALL year long so this didn't surprise me, but it made me very worried. I finished work (even tho I wanted to leave sooo bad) and came home to find out that dad had gone home too, ER said it was a kidney stone. Few! Thats not so bad, so I watched tv and when nothing was on Steve suggested that we turn on Charles Stanley to see what he had to say (no this is NOT a normal occurrence in our home and I almost hit the floor when he asked. I was so happy!!!) Sure I will!!! (I record all his sermons b/c I love him, he is a pastor on tv, ya, but he is real!) subject "Jesus our prince of PEACE" and how we can always come to Him and that He is the only answer we will ever find in life that can offer that "PEACE". (remember I am writing the book finding your missing "Peace". Anyways, it was such a God thing that He lead us to watch it that night b/c only He knew what was about to be coming our way.....
it lead to the morning with a phone call saying that dad had gone back to the hospital and this time they said he did NOT have a kidney stone but that it was a severe case of alcohol withdrawl....Dad had decided to quit drinking which I thank God for, but little did I or anyone in our family know what that would mean or lead into. 20 days later he left the hospital. 20 LONG and hard, scary, life clinging days......He experienced shaking, vomiting, aspiration of his vomit into his lungs which lead to pneumonia, which landed him in the ICU 2xs, which elevated his blood pressure at one point to 245/115 which caused a bleed in his spinal canal and also a bleed in his brain.....I have NEVER in my life seen him in such agony and suffering. We spent every single day there, taking rounds of the clock, even sleeping with him there so that someone knew what was going on and what to do. we were left with so many questions and unmet answers....The only thing we could do is pray. And pray.....And pray....and that is when it dawned on me that I was praying selfish prayers (take this pain away, Lord heal my dad, please stop this Lord, please help us, Stop his pain....) I should have been praying instead: Despite this pain and suffering Lord, please reveal to us YOUR will, Your ultimate plan, What are you trying to teach all of us and where do we need to grow? This has happened for a reason but I am still wondering what it is? Was it to teach us trust? Bond us together as a family? We had many laughs, many tears, many stories and quality time spent one on one with our dad hearing stories about his life, army, cars, mom, his brothers and sisters...stories we have NEVER heard and made dad who he is today. Was it to unite us as a team and shower him with Love? Teach us unconditional love? Yes we ALL have sin but I can say it doesn't matter b/c i am a sinner too and I love him anyways b/c he is my dad. Shouldn't I have that unconditional love for everyone even if they are not my dad? Some people think "sins" are to be ignored or covered up and run from, never talk about them b/c that means you have problems!!! oh my!!! but shouldn't we embrace each other b/c trust me, I have many too and in Gods word, NONE is greater than another. I am not ashamed and I know that Dad wants to use this to help someone else if it can. We are still struggling today but we know and have the assurance of Gods love and that He has a plan for all of us....even if we never see why. I kept clinging to the promises we can find in Him and only in Him. That missing peace that can only come from Christ. It seemed that every time the radio would be on, it was a song that spoke right to me, right to our situation. One of my favorite songs during this time and a song that I could picture my dad singing when he got out was:
"I am redeemed"
Seems like all I could see was the struggle
Haunted by ghosts that lived in my past
Bound up in shackles of all my failures
Wondering how long is this gonna last
Then You look at this prisoner and say to me "son
Stop fighting a fight it's already been won"
I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, now I'm not who I used to be
I am redeemed, I'm redeemed
All my life I have been called unworthy
Named by the voice of my shame and regret
But when I hear You whisper, "Child lift up your head"
I remember, oh God, You're not done with me yet
I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, now I'm not who I used to be
Because I don't have to be the old man inside of me
'Cause his day is long dead and gone
Because I've got a new name, a new life, I'm not the same
And a hope that will carry me home
I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, 'cause I'm not who I used to be
Another one "Hold on to the promises"
Sometimes it's hard to keep believing
In what you can't see
That everything happens for a reason
Even the worst life brings
If you're reaching for an answer
And you don't know what to pray
Just open up the pages
Let His word be your strength
And hold on to the promises (Hold tight)
Hold on to the promises (Alright)
Jesus is alive so hold tight
Hold on to the promises
All things work for the good
Of those who love God
He holds back nothing that will heal you
Not even His own Son
His love is everlasting
His faithfulness unending
Oh, if God is for us who can be against us
So if you feel weak
Neither life, nor death
Could separate us
From the eternal love
Of our God who saves us
Aren't those just GREAT songs!!! I love them!!! They (songs) like the word of God can speak to you differently at every stage of life you are in. You never know when it is going to be applying to you and the words on the page just jump right out at you and say "Lisa, this is the Lord speaking to you, wake up!!! Listen up!!! Believe and trust in me, I got this." Love God
Thank you so much Lord. Thank you beyond words could ever say. Mercy: NOT getting what we deserve and Grace: getting what we DONT deserve!!! Amen and thank you Jesus!!!
We are studying Ruth in Bible Study right now and what an amazing book in the bible, the short 4 chapters have SOOOOO much detail that it is absolutely mind boggling. How on earth a person can not see how the bible relates to "real life/today situations" is beyond me b/c at any time, certain pieces of the bible can become alive and speak to me, my situation, my life, Gods will for me. Like someone said, How can I know what God's will for me is and live a life for Christ if I never read the bible? His amazing plan of bringing Ruth and Naomi widowed, back to their homeland, to meet Boaz, who in turn marries Ruth which ultimately leads to the line of Jesus....By chance? There is NO way anyone but God could think of a plan and have the events happen like they did, to all point us to the life of Christ that wasn't even going to take place for many years and lifetimes to come!!! Do you think Ruth could have ever imagined that her lineage would lead to the Birth of a Lord? I just love the saying "God loves to make a somebody out of a no body'' He used her and he can use us according to His ultimate will and plan.
Have you ever looked back on your life and shook your head in disbelief at the circumstances and events that lead you to the life you are living today and see Gods hand all along the way? I sure have and can!!! Its so important to take time to reflect and see Gods hand and give Him the praise that even tho we like Ruth, couldn't see all that the future had in store for her life, He was always there and she simply obeyed and followed and He lead her to such a beautiful place and promise. God can and will do that for us too!! Like my proverbs 31 devotion today, he uses events and trials to come into our lives to refine us to make us into what HE wants us to be, to teach us things that we never may have known before. I have NO doubt that God had a plan for me and still does....Even when I struggle to understand what it is, I know He loves me and He wants me to become all He wants Lisa to be. Not someone else. Lisa. I can't wait to teach that to my kids and have them trust the events in their own little lives b/c God always knows and He is always there with a great plan. I always tell them, Mom loves you soooooo much. Luke says, Yup, but someone else loves me more. I have to say: who? He smiles and says, God. You got it Luke!!! Always, always remember that. Sometimes the path is hard, sometimes easy, but we must always stay in His will and Not Lisa's. Oh man, that only leads to disaster!!!
For the past 6 weeks my family has been sent thru a deep valley and great trial....Wednesday January 23 I got a call from my mom while at work, and she said that dad was very bad that he was brought by ambulance to Spectrum with severe back pain. He has been having struggles ALL year long so this didn't surprise me, but it made me very worried. I finished work (even tho I wanted to leave sooo bad) and came home to find out that dad had gone home too, ER said it was a kidney stone. Few! Thats not so bad, so I watched tv and when nothing was on Steve suggested that we turn on Charles Stanley to see what he had to say (no this is NOT a normal occurrence in our home and I almost hit the floor when he asked. I was so happy!!!) Sure I will!!! (I record all his sermons b/c I love him, he is a pastor on tv, ya, but he is real!) subject "Jesus our prince of PEACE" and how we can always come to Him and that He is the only answer we will ever find in life that can offer that "PEACE". (remember I am writing the book finding your missing "Peace". Anyways, it was such a God thing that He lead us to watch it that night b/c only He knew what was about to be coming our way.....
it lead to the morning with a phone call saying that dad had gone back to the hospital and this time they said he did NOT have a kidney stone but that it was a severe case of alcohol withdrawl....Dad had decided to quit drinking which I thank God for, but little did I or anyone in our family know what that would mean or lead into. 20 days later he left the hospital. 20 LONG and hard, scary, life clinging days......He experienced shaking, vomiting, aspiration of his vomit into his lungs which lead to pneumonia, which landed him in the ICU 2xs, which elevated his blood pressure at one point to 245/115 which caused a bleed in his spinal canal and also a bleed in his brain.....I have NEVER in my life seen him in such agony and suffering. We spent every single day there, taking rounds of the clock, even sleeping with him there so that someone knew what was going on and what to do. we were left with so many questions and unmet answers....The only thing we could do is pray. And pray.....And pray....and that is when it dawned on me that I was praying selfish prayers (take this pain away, Lord heal my dad, please stop this Lord, please help us, Stop his pain....) I should have been praying instead: Despite this pain and suffering Lord, please reveal to us YOUR will, Your ultimate plan, What are you trying to teach all of us and where do we need to grow? This has happened for a reason but I am still wondering what it is? Was it to teach us trust? Bond us together as a family? We had many laughs, many tears, many stories and quality time spent one on one with our dad hearing stories about his life, army, cars, mom, his brothers and sisters...stories we have NEVER heard and made dad who he is today. Was it to unite us as a team and shower him with Love? Teach us unconditional love? Yes we ALL have sin but I can say it doesn't matter b/c i am a sinner too and I love him anyways b/c he is my dad. Shouldn't I have that unconditional love for everyone even if they are not my dad? Some people think "sins" are to be ignored or covered up and run from, never talk about them b/c that means you have problems!!! oh my!!! but shouldn't we embrace each other b/c trust me, I have many too and in Gods word, NONE is greater than another. I am not ashamed and I know that Dad wants to use this to help someone else if it can. We are still struggling today but we know and have the assurance of Gods love and that He has a plan for all of us....even if we never see why. I kept clinging to the promises we can find in Him and only in Him. That missing peace that can only come from Christ. It seemed that every time the radio would be on, it was a song that spoke right to me, right to our situation. One of my favorite songs during this time and a song that I could picture my dad singing when he got out was:
"I am redeemed"
Seems like all I could see was the struggle
Haunted by ghosts that lived in my past
Bound up in shackles of all my failures
Wondering how long is this gonna last
Then You look at this prisoner and say to me "son
Stop fighting a fight it's already been won"
I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, now I'm not who I used to be
I am redeemed, I'm redeemed
All my life I have been called unworthy
Named by the voice of my shame and regret
But when I hear You whisper, "Child lift up your head"
I remember, oh God, You're not done with me yet
I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, now I'm not who I used to be
Because I don't have to be the old man inside of me
'Cause his day is long dead and gone
Because I've got a new name, a new life, I'm not the same
And a hope that will carry me home
I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, 'cause I'm not who I used to be
Another one "Hold on to the promises"
Sometimes it's hard to keep believing
In what you can't see
That everything happens for a reason
Even the worst life brings
If you're reaching for an answer
And you don't know what to pray
Just open up the pages
Let His word be your strength
And hold on to the promises (Hold tight)
Hold on to the promises (Alright)
Jesus is alive so hold tight
Hold on to the promises
All things work for the good
Of those who love God
He holds back nothing that will heal you
Not even His own Son
His love is everlasting
His faithfulness unending
Oh, if God is for us who can be against us
So if you feel weak
Neither life, nor death
Could separate us
From the eternal love
Of our God who saves us
Aren't those just GREAT songs!!! I love them!!! They (songs) like the word of God can speak to you differently at every stage of life you are in. You never know when it is going to be applying to you and the words on the page just jump right out at you and say "Lisa, this is the Lord speaking to you, wake up!!! Listen up!!! Believe and trust in me, I got this." Love God
Thank you so much Lord. Thank you beyond words could ever say. Mercy: NOT getting what we deserve and Grace: getting what we DONT deserve!!! Amen and thank you Jesus!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)