Have you Ever?

Today for some reason, I woke up grieving that I can't have any more kids....I wonder why today?  I try to tell myself to be thankful to the Lord for the 2 amazing beautiful blessing that He gave me, but then I start feeling sorry for myself and my heart longs to know why it (my disease) had to happen to me...I would love to have more.  Maybe its b/c I had to work yesterday and with school starting the kids were in bed and sleeping before I made it home.  This makes my heart so heavy b/c I go a whole day without seeing them!!!  So I just sit on the side of the bed and just stare at their beautiful little faces, so peaceful, so precious, and I pray over them, thanking God for them and praying for His grace and wisdom to fill their little hearts for a life for Him.  Parenting isn't about Me, its about God, and the Lord knows I need all the grace and wisdom to do it well for Him. 

Maybe it is is because Lukester goes to school this week.  My little buddy that I LOVE to have home with me, that I can't stand to be away from, hardly ever are unless its work, I will now be alone.  Some of you might think I am crazy and enjoy the time alone, but I don't, I know I will adjust, but its just different.  My kids are what I invest my time in, and I love being there for them.  I often think about quitting my job just so that I can be there for them all the time, so I can take them to school every day, pick em up, wait for em by the bus stop and see their smiling faces....It is a God given role and responsibity to be #1 a mate for Steve and his helper #2 to raise my children #3 to take care of the home.  I never want one of those areas to suffer because of a job.  If you fill it with too much of one thing, something else will suffer, I don't want it to be my family.

Then I have been thinking about the word: assumptions/judgement/ and just plain old differences.  We are all different, all have different upbringing, all have had different situations, paths, interactions....you name it.  Assumption: An assumption is something we take for granted or presuppose. Usually it is something we previously learned and do not question. It is part of our system of beliefs. We assume our beliefs to be true and use them to interpret the world about us.  There are a variety of possible meanings to the situations around us, but yet MANY think that their way is right.  For example, am I “relaxing” or “wasting time, who decides what wasting time is?” Am I being “determined” or “stubborn?” Am I “joining” a conversation or “butting in?” Is someone “laughing with me” or “laughing at me?” Am I “helping a friend” or “being taken advantage of?” Every time we interpret our actions and the actions of others we do so on the basis of our assumptions. Humans make hundreds of assumptions without knowing it---without thinking about it.  We don't take the time to think outside ourselves!!!!  Trust me, I am not saying that I am not guilty of making assumptions or passing judgement onto others wrongly, I have.  But I try my best, with the Lords help, to look at others as a "whole", dig alittle deeper into their personality before assuming the way they are, just by outward appearance.  Trust me, when I have done that in the past, I have missed opportunity to meet and make friends with some amazing people I am sure!

For example: Have you ever rolled your eyes at a mother of 1 or 2?  Maybe even 3 or 4 depending on how many You have?  It amazes me to hear the things that people "say" verbally or non, when they ask "how many kids do YOU have?" if its any less than they have, you can sometimes see the eyes rolling b/c YOU have it so much easier than they do.  What about the great old saying "you have the perfect family, one of each or two of each..."  I would love to say, "Oh because if the Lord gave me 2 or 4 of the same our family would be seen as less in His eyes?"  Please....What if that mother wants more and can't have em, have you ever thought about that?   Or have you ever rolled your eyes at the woman for ordering a salad and eating healthy b/c it is important to them or b/c they have diabetes, while you think its all about being skinny and because you don't order that way?  So since when is ordering a salad a bad thing?  You could too, and if you had diabetes you would be forced to eat differently.  What about thinking someone is so perfect and secretly hating them or wishing that something bad would happen to them.  Believe me, I KNOW their are people out there that are this way b/c they have told me!  No one is perfect.  We all have our problems, you have no idea what goes on in their lives or what they have been through.  Have you ever talked bad about someone else or purposely tried to be "less nice" to them just b/c they have it better than you do, at least that is what you think?  Is this what Christ would do? Who's standards are you comparing it too?

I am sorry but lately I just think the world is losing it.  It is getting further and further away from the Lord and people are selfish, the world revolves around them only, they are rude, mean, and all for reasons that are usually ridiculous.  Grow up.  Get God in your life people!  Sometimes I don't know how people survive out there when they seem soooo stressed out!  Life is hard.  Nowhere will you ever see it written that life is going to be easy.  I absolutely LOVED this bookmark that my mom just gave me, it says,

 "If you want rainbows, you have to have rain.  In a perfect world everything would go right and life would be filled with sweet warm and fuzzy feelings. But how would we know if things are good if we had no comparison?  Without the darkness would we appreciate the light?  Seem to me if we want rainbows, we have to have rain, the trick is, to look for the good in every situation so go and find some puddles and play in the rain!"in Order to have rainbows, you must first have rain.  If you don't experience bad times how would you know when things are really good?  As Christians, lets jump in the puddles together.

If life went exactly the way YOU wanted it too, would you really need to depend and know God?  This world would be even worse, I can't imagine my life any other way, God planned it, Not me, Thank the LORD!!!!

Your life is completely different than mine, and yours from mine, but it is the path that God has lead each of us on.  Why be mad about it?  Do you think that is going to help the problem?  Why keep wishing your life was this way or that way....Be where you are today.  Thats where God wants you to be, and what are you going to do with it?  Thats enough for today..... :)