TURNING TRIALS INTO GLADNESS AND PRAISE?

It is hard to believe that I am back to life, working, mom, wife, we even bought a house! When I think about this year, it is probably the most changing year I have ever experienced. At least I hope it is!! Bleed, hospitalizations, selling our house, moving into the farm house rental, and major surgery, now buying a new house! Wow!

Tomorrow it will be 10 weeks since my surgery and it already seems like years ago. I believe that is the way the Lord protects your mind and memory of the painful times. Look at us moms (or should I say SOME of us that didn't get it easy) we give birth sometimes taking 20+ hours, breaking our pelvis, almost dying and then we decide to do it all over again! The mind tries to erase those memories and time heals....

Have you ever thought about thanking God for sending trials or struggles in your life? Last week was one of the best feeling weeks I had. Really minimal pain and I even was going for walks with the dog and kids, and I had to admit that I am glad that the Lord brought me thru this and got my "attention". Wake up Lisa!!!

You see, for years I think us women spend wasted time and energy, stress and worry about things that DO NOT MATTER! We look at other "things" to fill the voids in our hearts that the Lord puts there for a reason in EVERYONE but that only HE can fill. I was looking for mine in my boyfriends, wishing I was prettier, skinnier, ex-fiances (ya 3 of them:) I call myself the runaway bride and when they didn't make me happy I would toss them aside) my husband, kids, job, friends, and even my own family and when they would let me down I was down. I often wondered why life had to be so hard? I never turned to God in those times NEAR like I should have but thats b/c I didn't really know Him. You can call yourself a christian all your life but if you don't have a relationship with Him, its no good, your life will still be looking downward and you will constantly be chasing something whatever it is, to fill that void.

I can honestly say that I don't have that anymore today. Because I have learned to fill that void with God. Friends have let me down and will contiune to do so, some friends come, some go, jealousy? Envy? Anger? Arguements? I don't know why, but it is a fact of life, women are so hard to get along with! I think that many of them are unhappy. That is why someday I want to write a book called "FINDING YOUR MISSING PEACE" and the cover will be displayed with puzzle pieces. You can look all over this world for that piece: clothes, shopping addictions, alcohol, spouse, children, friends, job success, the cars you drive, the house you live in, the perfect wife, CONSTANTLY trying to impress people. Who cares???? Do You think that if you died tomorrow you would care? Do you think anyone would remember you by that "stuff"? I know they won't! You can try to find all different pieces trying to put your life "together" perfectly, but it will never happen....Until you find the piece "GOD". That my friends is what makes your life complete and will change your life forever, that is when you will experience PEACE. It is awesome!!! You won't care about all the things you used too, and when your spouse lets you down, you will be ok b/c He isn't there to be your everything, quit putting him on a pedestal to fill your every need, God is. When your kids fail, and trust me, no one has perfect little bumbeenos, you will be OK, b/c our God loves you anyways and we aren't measured by what accomplishements we make in life in Gods eyes. Moms are never going to be perfect, we all will have our failures, but we can still keep going with a positive heart b/c we have each other and we have a Lord that loves us more than anything.

I honestly have had a complete transformation of my heart through this whole experience and for the first time ever, I actually said "thank you" to God for allowing it to happen. Some of you reading this might be rolling your eyes and thinking "ya right, whatever", and thats ok! I used to do the same thing when others would talk about the Lord and what He is to them, b/c I didn't understand. Roll your eyes all you want, you don't know me, you don't know my heart and my relationship with the Lord. It is something personal, something that must happen to each person in their own special way, and its possible thru a wide arrange of occurances in your own life if you recognize it! I am a better Lisa, wife, friend, sister, daughter, worker, because of it. Oh sure, I will have my failures, my faults, my sins, I will disappoint others, I am by no means telling you that I can now be perfect and I don't want to be. I want people to accept me for who I am on the inside, Don't judge a book by its cover, you know the saying.... b/c you just might be surprised what you actually find inside if you just allow yourself to try! I will have my struggles, and I will have to work constantly at staying close to the Lord but this time I WANT too. B/c when I am with Him I have peace and it is something that nothing in this world could ever give. I pray that I never forget this journey and what has been done, and the blessings the Lord has shown to me, to try my hardest not to take a day for granted, fill it with complaining, or being "down" b/c I have absolutely NO reason too, but rejoice! Look to the positive in all situations.

Yes I once wondered Why God allowed this to happen to me, It will forever and always be a part of me that I pray will keep me alive, but I know He did it for me b/c He loves me and I needed to learn to love Him. With the Lord we always have Hope. It taught me to rely on Him b/c really we have no one else. Only He can do all things and He reveiled himself to me in soooo many ways that there was no way that I could deny him any longer. I know that I will fail and have valleys again but I also know that I will make it through anything as long as I rely on Him. Where will this journey lead me? No one knows but Him but I believe that the Lord will use this experience for good. I am going to do my best to Share my experience, Serve Him and others (from my patients on my table, to friends, family, church and more), Grow more intimate with Him each day, and allow Him to move me in the direction He wants me to go.

You can do it too! find that missing Peace if you don't have it today! I will help you! Read the truth in the bible b/c it will never let you down, whatelse in this world can do that? All it takes is a single prayer...He will do the rest if you allow Him too.

PRAISE THE LORD FOR ANSWERED PRAYERS!!!!

Thursday May 26 Steve and I left for Detroit for my 1st official followup at Henry Ford to have a CT and meet with my surgeon. I have to admit that pulling in was very eeery and I did not like it. It brought back tons of flashbacks of memories I never want to think about, something I hope and pray I never have to do again. I looked up at the patients windows, some of them looking out and thought, that was me not very long ago....The world keeps on going even when your a patient trapped inside the walls of the hospital for weeks, life goes on. I walked the halls and it felt so weird to be on the "outside again" to be a visitor. I saw some transporters and even the one from my terrible trip to xray and it made me want to cry. Steve asked if I wanted to go see my floor and nurses and I said NO. I never want to see it again. I hated going in that place b/c it filled me with a fear that I have never felt before.

I had my CT and bloodwork done and then came the news, things looked BEAUTIFUL!!!! I have the advantage b/c I can read CT's myself and know what they are supposed to look like and what they are NOT supposed to look like and when my surgeon had my "before surgery" and "post surgery" CTs pulled up on the screen it was the most beautiful thing I have seen since my son was born 3 years ago.

My edges of my liver are now sharp and not hazzy due to the decompression of all the pressure going thru my liver, it is now "breathing" and looking happy. My spleen is shrinking and therefore my left kidney now has a whole new home of its own, b/c before my spleen was sooo large that it was smashing my left kidney b/c it didn't have anywhere to go. My varices "veins in the esophagus" are now disappearing. My surgeon cut the vein feeding my throat therefore those large varicose veins that always needed to be wrapped and scoped (I am sure I had at least 10 scopes done where they go down your throat to look for these "varicose" veins and wrapped them if they looked like they were going to hemorrhage) are almost all gone!!! My artificial shunt/bypass was brightly enhanced with contrast meaning that it is WIDE open :) and as an extra bonus one of the large clots in my main abdomen vein is completely GONE!!! (he said he would charge extra for that one with a wink).

Can you say to God be the glory???!! It was amazing the difference now that the "dam" has been opened and things are flowing as they should be. He decreased my internal pressures perfectly and everything is going back to normal. I have no doubt in my mind that he was pleasantly if not shockingly surprised at how good everything looked inside. I told him that I had tons of people praying for me and that God answers prayer and he didn't know what to say. I have the proof right in front of his very own eyes!!! You cannot tell me that as a surgeon who cuts people open cannot have somewhat of a sense that there must be a GOD out there. Look how amazing we are made, NO ONE exactly the same, each one special in their own way with unique situations, and NO ONE can explain or create the human being but the amazing Lord. To say the least my surgeon was very happy. He looked at my scar, said it looked good, and told me he would see me in 6 months for another MRI this time (reduce the radiation) and see how things are going. I bought him a card and gave him words of thankfulness that the Lord brought him into my life and my case for giving him the knowledge and wisdom to do what it took to "fix" me. I told him that I thanked God for finally leading us to the one that knew what it took and for his compassion and love he showed to me and for taking the time for me, explaining it all so well to me and my loved ones. For the confidence that we were making the right decision...I think he thinks I am a nut job but I don't care!!! Yes I hugged him!

I got in the car and just bawled my eyes out with tears of overwhelming JOY. Praise be to the Lord for healing me, for how beautiful my body looked on the inside. He answered my and many others prayers. I just couldn't begin to even find the words to thank HIM enough, it was a VERY humbling moment for me b/c all I could do is submit my life to the Lord and say thankyou for everything. For keeping me alive, for holding my hand through this terrible journey, thru all the trials and hardships, there was only one promise and that was that God is always good no matter what. If I didn't have that faith, I could have never survived. I am forever grateful to Him for my life, for keeping me on this earth for alittle longer, for placing his almighty healing hand on my body when I thought that I was going to die and would never make it. It was the WORST time of my life I have ever gone thru, and yet here I was 6 weeks after and I was healing and alive, turning around and starting to feel like Lisa again.

I could do nothing but cry tears of Joy and thankfulness. That huge clot is gone? It looked WAY better than I could have ever imagined. I have so much to be thankful for.....trust me, life will NEVER be looked at the same again. It is such a HUGE eye opener that it forever changes who you are and for the better!!

This song brings tears to my eyes all the time, gave me chills the first time I heard it, and is my prayer forever. It could not have come at a better time and this will be my life song of praise and glory to the Lord for helping me through this journey.....It is my life, my heart, WORD FOR WORD....I couldn't say it more perfectly.

Laura Story: Blessings
We pray for blessings, We pray for peace, Comfort for family, Protection while we sleep.
We pray for healing, For prosperity. We pray for your mighty hand to ease our SUFFERING.
All the while YOU hear each spoken need.
Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things.

Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops?
What if your healing comes through tears?
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know YOUR near?

What if trials of this life are YOUR mercies in disguise?

We pray for wisdom, YOUR voice to hear. We cry in anger when we cannot feel YOU near.
We doubt YOUR goodness, we doubt YOUR love. As if every promise from YOUR word is not enough. All the while, YOU hear each desperate plead, the longer we have Faith to believe.

Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops, what if your healing comes through tears? What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know YOUR near?

What if trials of this life are YOUR mercies in disguise?

When friends betray us, when darkness seems to win, we know the pain reminds this heart that this is not, This is not our home, its not our home!!!

Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops? What if your healing comes through tears? What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know YOUR near? What if my greatest disappointments were the aching of this life is their revealing of a greater thirst this world CANNOT satisfy? And what if trials of this life, the rain that storms, the hardest nights..........
Are YOUR mercies in disguise???