Dec.28, 2009 In U of M hospital

today was a very emotional day for me. Steve and I were scheduled to arrive at 7:30am, we spent the night in fear of a long drive and weather. I was "supposed" to be getting a biopsy and a shunt placed in my liver called a TIPS. We arrived and were told that the radiologist scheduled to do my procedure did NOT want to do a tips. The reason we were told on arrival is b/c it was his first day back from vacation and only my liver surgeon thought it was possible. He never really showed it to the radiologist like we had thought, and today was the first time he saw my CT follow up since the last procedure he had done.
Like he said, why put a permanent thing inside of you when your liver isn't failing. People that get these have liver failure and by by-passing my liver we only set you up for future problems. You are young, you are a mother, and I do NOT think this is the best interest for you. Do I know what is? No. We need to have a biopsy and test your pressures and see what is going on today and wait for the results of your biopsy and then we can determine what the next step will be, but only by consulting with your liver surgeon, me (the radiologist), and hematology.
So finally around 11am I went into the cathlab. They went down my jugular vein in my neck, did a biopsy and measured the internal pressures within my veins. I got out at 12:30pm.
Very very bad news he said.
From the CT one month ago, you are majorly worse and severely clotted in almost ever single vein within my liver. My Portal vein is almost completely clotted again. Right now they have no idea what to do.
So the plan:

• Wait for my liver biopsy results
• consult hematology again b/c we MUST get to the bottom of my clotting problem
• in a week I will be back here at U of M and either have a a major surgery, intense recannalization of all my veins (again, this is what we did last time, cleaning out the veins) or put a TIPS shunt in if indeed my liver is now failing b/c of all the blockage to my liver

I had a breakdown a few times throughout the day. One, b/c my family physician told me to go off my coumadin and it looks like during that time, I threw more clots, I can NEVER go off blood thinners. My PC doesn't take me or this disease serious and I feel like no one is listening except when I am here at U of M. Two, WHY is this happening!! What is wrong with me? Something MUST be wrong for me to clot like this. Like Cheryl my friend said, this is no longer the "fluke from Luke". This is VERY very serious. Not only serious but sooooo confusing and no one knows what to do!

Then go figure, I take some pain meds when I get to my room b/c my neck incision hurts so bad...Well, about 3 hours later I am dry-heaving and puking in the bathroom b/c I didn't eat with the meds and they made me sick. This ripped open my incision in my neck and I started bleeding all over. Talk about pain now! This time I am dealing with the pain and I will stay away from pain meds. I had to change rooms b/c my neighbor is so loud, talks on her cell phone and has it ringing NON stop, talks about diarrhea and runs to our bathroom every 10 minutes. I didn't ask, my Nurse actually couldn't take it anymore and decided I needed my own room. I was grateful :)

I have no idea what to think. I think about my awesome husband by my side, and my beautiful children at home. I WILL survive, I will be there for them someday 100%! I think about all my friends and family and the good Lord that holds my hand each day. Without the strength of the Lord I honestly don't know how I would make it. I think about giving up, but I can't.....Somehow, someway, this will come to an end, and I pray that it will be but a distant nightmare...

Goodnight. I am going to take some Ambien now and knock myself out for the night.