It is absolutely unbelievable to me that in 2 months I will be "celebrating" the 4 year anniversary of my bypass. It seems like just yesterday. Life has been great and I have absolutely nothing to complain about. Kinda scary to me to be on the top of the hill......I always wonder whats ahead, when am I going to go to the bottom again? I honestly can admit 100% that I never will again hit "ROCK BOTTOM" like I did in 2011. Oh sure, life isn't going to be easy, Christ never said that it would be. I have my struggles just like everyone else does. I have my moments of wondering if I am being a good wife, good mom, am I going to ruin them with terrible parenting :)...friendship struggles and friction with family but all of that is manageable when you are holding the hand of Christ. THAT my friends in the BIGGEST difference in my life. I can honestly say that when I "died" on the surgery table in 2011, I was born again in Christ. I have learned sooooo much since that day and I am rejoicing in His grace and His promises, His hand that held me through the entire time and I just enjoy passing along what I have learned in hopes that just ONE will be touched by my life by the power of Christ.
I am so happy to say that I have officially been injection free for 4 months!!!! YIPPEEEEE!!!! My stomach is rejoicing. The new blood thinner seems to be working well and I don't notice any side effects, so I am so happy to be free from shots after 5 years. In another month I will have my "yearly" CT scan to see if my bypass has been safe and protected as well with the new blood thinner.
I think about my situation all the time. Sometimes sad, sometimes I get emotional, but overall I rejoice b/c I see Gods hand in my life the whole time. I just LOVE looking back on life and seeing how all the little pieces fit that were already planned from the day I was born. When I didn't have a clue what I was doing or where I was going, when I didn't know who to marry, what job to get, where to live....God knew. God intervened and had it planned.
One big thing I have discovered through it all is that I encourage people NOT to do it alone like I did. I don't want to say that family and friends were not there, but for the most part, I didn't let them in, I didn't let them know how emotionally devastated I was, I didn't let them "know" how sick I was, how lonely I was, you see....when someone is sick its hard for outsiders to understand, we aren't saying that you don't care, but its different.....I suffered alone and maybe that was my fault but I also believe it was Gods plan. I didn't have anyone else so I HAD to rest and trust in Him. The unfairness, hopelessness, and darkness can be overwhelming....and I had to surrender my life to Christ, I couldn't make it any other way. I was broken. I was convinced my life was bad and that I was never going to be happy again. That God was punishing me for the sins that I committed and I will be honest to say, I was struggling and wrestling with God in giving up the control. I was weak and God wanted to show me WHO He was and grow me spiritually to be used for Him and His purpose down the road. I could have thrown it all away and chose to turn my back on God but thanks be to Christ, I accepted it, recognized my part, and grew from it all, determined to make it back, and make it back totally transformed to share HIM with others in ways I could have NEVER done before. Suffering is NEVER for nothing. Let go, Let God. God is enough. LEARN to love HIM more than anyone or anything else.
Being able to move from brokenness to acceptance to victory is no easy process. There were many days that I was at the end, ready to throw in the towel and curl up in the fetal position and close the door, I thought it would be better for me to die having a pity party all by myself! It took day by day stepping forward, sometimes back, to bring me to a place where God brought JOY. My faith was small, but it was growing!!! I thought I had my life all figured out, then I discovered I had to hand a blank piece of paper to God to rewrite my story and make it HIS. I could hear Him saying "why can't you trust me???" I sure did fight for that control!!! Trust and obey, for there's no other way.....
We live in a world that things can happen in an INSTANT, instant gratification....with God its a process and He often tells us we must wait.....That is why my testimony summed up 100% can be found in the Poem "WAIT" by Russell Kelfer....... it can be slow but its so worth it b/c you will start to grow! I wanted to be healed and fixed now. Why wasn't He healing me? Why did I have to suffer? How long must I suffer, stop this pain Lord!!! During those 3 years, He was definitely teaching me patience and I am so glad!!!!
Psalm 27:14 "Wait for the Lord, be strong and let you heart take courage, YES wait for the Lord"
Pain cannot be avoided, you must walk through it and we cannot RUN through it. Ask God to turn it into something good. The pain will NOT last forever....life can be good again, its alittle frightening and sometimes I feel guilty for being happy again. God lifted the burden, opened my eyes and started me on a new and better path I could have NEVER found on my own. How can I say I will never hit rock bottom again? B/c when suffering and pain or trials come my way again, I will walk through it never again alone but WITH Him. Things were not going well for me in life when I was in control, I was making an absolute mess of it. No clue what I was doing nor did I care as long as I had the controls. Now, my favorite thing is my relationship with Him, and bringing honor and glory to Him for all that He has done. I am learning to walk in His will and helping or encouraging others that can have the same! Don't forget Gods power and promises. I encourage you, wherever you are on your journey to allow God to turn it into something worthwhile. Give Him the control and He'll do the same for you. Believe me, as one who held out for years and years, it was foolish to do so!!!!
1 Chron 16:11 "Look to the Lord and HIS strength, Keep your face on Him always."
Saturday, January 31, 2015
Sunday, September 14, 2014
Saying goodbye to Injections.....Please!!!
Last night was hopefully my last injection after over 3,000 of them, over the past 5 years when it all began. I have to admit that I am alittle nervous, alittle worried, and aprehensive to even begin something new. Last time the drs put me on an Oral, Coumadin, it failed and I reclotted some of my veins. I DON"T have that option this time. I don't want to clot my new bypass or clot a different vein b/c to be honest with you, I don't have that many veins left to clot and if they do, it will be time to really get creative....pulling veins from different body parts....I really don't even want to think about it.
My kids both got to inject me one last time, Luke, then Karlie and they both were SOOOOO happy, Karlie even had tears in her eyes and was overwhelmed with emotions. I never knew it bothered them. I guess for the past 5 years I just dug in, I don't have a choice, inject or die. I guess I put myself in the shoes of all the diabetics out there that have to inject themselves all the time and you "kinda" get used to it. Does it hurt? Absolutely. Do I have a bruised waist all the time? YUP. Do I have hard rocks of scar tissue underneath my skin from injecting over and over in the stomach? YUP but its never bothered me. I just do it. Like my surgeon always tells me, I should be the girl on the Nike commercials b/c my moto always is: Just do it. I have no other choice. I could complain and grumble and be angry, but what good is that gonna do me or anyone else? Its my way of life. I adapted.
I sure hope this works....I heard some bad things (side affects) from this new drug and I am going to be positive and hope that I am different. Every drug reacts differently to every person. I just don't have any from the injections. Our insurance changed and I have been paying $200/mo out of pocket for injections. There is a new drug on the market and its oral, and it doesn't require all the blood draws like coumadin, and it is $40 a month. My hematologist told me I could try. I was given the option about 6 months ago but then our inurance was different and my injections were $15 and the new oral was $80 so I decided to keep on the injections b/c I KNOW it works, and I DON"T have any side effects "why mess with something if it ain't broke". Well.....Maybe now things are different and I have to give it a try. To not inject 2 times every day! That would be awesome!!! Saving $160 month awesome!! Its definitely worth a try...If I don't like it, I can always go back.
So lets keep praying to our great Lord that this is the plan that works. If not, I am ok with it. I will go back. I have nothing to lose....at least lets pray not.
Its been a GREAT summer and I have had an amazing time with my family. Probably the best one that I will ever have in my life! My kids are wonderful and at such fun ages and they still want me!!! We went camping several times to the Conference Grounds and OakGroove, we went to Mullet Lake near the Mackinaw bridge for a week in a cottage with friends, we went to Brooks lake for a week in a cottage with family, discovered the fun of fishing, the kids saw Mackinaw bridge and we went over, the weather was amazing (cool, low70-80s) water temp was FREEZING and the kids swam in it a few times, but thankful for the pools and that they could ride bikes, play on the playgrounds, go to the parks and actually PLAY on the equipment b/c it wasn't so hot. I loved it! I treasure every moment with my kids and hubby. We actually took FAMILY vacations, hubby included. I savor every moment b/c I know that too quickly they will be gone.....anyone of us could be, ya never know. My relationship with the Lord has grown soooo much, I even cried the other day in unexplainable comprehension of how much my life has changed because of HIM. I couldn't imagine it any other way!!! To see the person I was, grieve that person and who she was, and how unhappy she was....to the Lisa today!!! oh man, its just the most amazing thing ever and its all b/c of the GRACE OF GOD!!! It can happen to anyone of us at any time, and it is my sincere prayer for everyone I know and don't know that God somehow, someway, opens their eyes too if they are not already. Life isn't a bowl of cherries but life is so much better b/c you have HIM. He is all that matters. Worldliness, materialism, image, "stuff" all starts to fade.....Its a beautiful thing!!!
My kids both got to inject me one last time, Luke, then Karlie and they both were SOOOOO happy, Karlie even had tears in her eyes and was overwhelmed with emotions. I never knew it bothered them. I guess for the past 5 years I just dug in, I don't have a choice, inject or die. I guess I put myself in the shoes of all the diabetics out there that have to inject themselves all the time and you "kinda" get used to it. Does it hurt? Absolutely. Do I have a bruised waist all the time? YUP. Do I have hard rocks of scar tissue underneath my skin from injecting over and over in the stomach? YUP but its never bothered me. I just do it. Like my surgeon always tells me, I should be the girl on the Nike commercials b/c my moto always is: Just do it. I have no other choice. I could complain and grumble and be angry, but what good is that gonna do me or anyone else? Its my way of life. I adapted.
I sure hope this works....I heard some bad things (side affects) from this new drug and I am going to be positive and hope that I am different. Every drug reacts differently to every person. I just don't have any from the injections. Our insurance changed and I have been paying $200/mo out of pocket for injections. There is a new drug on the market and its oral, and it doesn't require all the blood draws like coumadin, and it is $40 a month. My hematologist told me I could try. I was given the option about 6 months ago but then our inurance was different and my injections were $15 and the new oral was $80 so I decided to keep on the injections b/c I KNOW it works, and I DON"T have any side effects "why mess with something if it ain't broke". Well.....Maybe now things are different and I have to give it a try. To not inject 2 times every day! That would be awesome!!! Saving $160 month awesome!! Its definitely worth a try...If I don't like it, I can always go back.
So lets keep praying to our great Lord that this is the plan that works. If not, I am ok with it. I will go back. I have nothing to lose....at least lets pray not.
Its been a GREAT summer and I have had an amazing time with my family. Probably the best one that I will ever have in my life! My kids are wonderful and at such fun ages and they still want me!!! We went camping several times to the Conference Grounds and OakGroove, we went to Mullet Lake near the Mackinaw bridge for a week in a cottage with friends, we went to Brooks lake for a week in a cottage with family, discovered the fun of fishing, the kids saw Mackinaw bridge and we went over, the weather was amazing (cool, low70-80s) water temp was FREEZING and the kids swam in it a few times, but thankful for the pools and that they could ride bikes, play on the playgrounds, go to the parks and actually PLAY on the equipment b/c it wasn't so hot. I loved it! I treasure every moment with my kids and hubby. We actually took FAMILY vacations, hubby included. I savor every moment b/c I know that too quickly they will be gone.....anyone of us could be, ya never know. My relationship with the Lord has grown soooo much, I even cried the other day in unexplainable comprehension of how much my life has changed because of HIM. I couldn't imagine it any other way!!! To see the person I was, grieve that person and who she was, and how unhappy she was....to the Lisa today!!! oh man, its just the most amazing thing ever and its all b/c of the GRACE OF GOD!!! It can happen to anyone of us at any time, and it is my sincere prayer for everyone I know and don't know that God somehow, someway, opens their eyes too if they are not already. Life isn't a bowl of cherries but life is so much better b/c you have HIM. He is all that matters. Worldliness, materialism, image, "stuff" all starts to fade.....Its a beautiful thing!!!
Tuesday, June 17, 2014
Don't WASTE your SUFFERING
Suffering......You don't have to look far and you will see it EVERYWHERE. I see it on a weekly basis most clearly at my job because they can't hide. They come to the hospital b/c they need help, some worse than others but none the less, they are ALL in NEED. Last week I cried behind our scanning window for the 30 year old filled with cancer.... He had not a clue what he was about to endure or experience b/c it was his first test.....(I cried b/c the Lord convicted me in what I thought I had a bad day, sometimes we think we have it bad!!! here I was stressing about money b/c of vehicle problems....Really Lisa??? But God why? Its so hard to understand why?) Here this nice young married boy with most of his life to go and he will probably not even make it one year fighting for his life. WE HAVE NOTHING TO COMPLAIN about people!!!! Get over yourself!!!
Another, a father to a 5 day old, who fell asleep and rolled on top of his child, killing her. Today, a patient's mother had a stroke yesterday and is in the ICU and at night her moms house also burned down (I even looked it up in the sentinel and it was true!) The boyfriend and girlfriend in surgery b/c of a motorcycle accident that wasn't his fault, the 26 year old that got pushed of the dock at the lake and broke his neck and is now paralysed, the man so disfigured by burns from a chemical spill that you couldn't even tell what he used to look like, the decaying 20ish year old female found in a park after being there dead for a week with an unknown name.... I can look at the list of patients in the ER any single day at any single hour and see that many of them are visiting for overdoses, depression and panic attacks, suicide, miscarriage, abuse, cancer, eating disorders, diseases, accidents, trauma's, and death. I have seen thousands laying on my table in pain and suffering and it can happen at ANY time and ANY age....The world is FULL of sadness and suffering......
A great friend of mine recently mailed me a CD from a sermon she had heard at church that reminded her of me, and I am so grateful that she listened to the prompting of the Holy Spirit to follow through and send it to me. It has been by far the best sermon on suffering that I have heard and it has blessed me so much that I can't keep it in. So I thought I would bring it here.
Sometimes I leave work and ask God, Why? Why do the things so bad that I see have to happen? Why would a God allow it too? I have only come to one conclusion and that is that God is Sovereign and sometimes we just "don't know." I do know this: That God is good, He WANTS us to spend time with Him and know Him, He wants us to allow HIS will to be done and not our own, and He can see a greater plan that we cannot. I can only speak for myself and say that for me, it was the BEST thing that has ever happened to me. I want to use the WORST time of my life and turn it into good for Him. He taught me who He was through it. He taught me to give up my control. He taught me such INCREDIBLE life lessons that I could NOT have learned ANY other way. He KNEW that what I needed when I clearly did not. I NEEDED Him and I wasn't living that way. Now, was it punishment as some might say? Maybe so, sometimes it is. I also believe that God hates sin and is a JUST God, we live as defiant children trying to run away from our Father, and He will punish His children just like a father and mother have to discipline and punish theirs when we are out of line. But I also know that it happens for something we can only place our faith in God that He does know. Maybe it is to make us more like Him. Christ HIMSELF suffered more than any one of us could ever imagine and He did NOTHING wrong. God allowed it to happen in my life, to be used for HIM and to praise and worship Him, that is why we were created and for 30 YEARS I was missing out on the greatest peace and joy in my life b/c I was living it without Him. I want and long to help others through maybe the same type of situation or understand those that suffer in other areas as well. To bring comfort to them, BY Him and for Him. I figure even if I can help ONE person, if I can reach and put a smile one ONE of my patients, or bless ONE in any way, I am blessed as well. Its got nothing to do about me. It is His will to use suffering and I will follow His will, Not mine.
The Lord has taught me so much over the years, that it is absolutely mind blowing to me to see who I am today compared to 2008 just before my trial that brought about the greatest changes that I could ever experience so far. I learned alot and I could have learned even more if I had known what I know today but isn't that whats great about God's goodness and grace, He loves me and knows, I am a work in progress.
Some of these words are mine, and some of them from the pastor at Calvary Church. "DON"T WASTE YOUR SUFFERING".
From 2009-2011 I suffered silently and quietly. I didn't tell even my closest friends or even family, not even my spouse, what suffering I was going through both physically and emotionally. I put myself in survival mode, hurting secretly, going through each new day with my own strength and my own will, which at times, I hardly had anything left to give to my family. I didn't want them to see me suffer. I didn't want them to think that I couldn't do it. I thought I could do it. Knowing now what I know, I was completely wrong. I missed out on some of God's greatest blessings because I didn't allow others know or help. When Jesus left this earth He left his Holy Spirit in the church, to help comfort those in need. Others WANT to help. Others HAVE been there. You see Satan is the great deceiver and told me: Lisa, no one cares, no one understands, no one has time for you, you can do it on your own, you don't need other people.....And I listened to him. The truth is that others HAVE been there, others HAVE been in the valley and some of them have made it through to the other side and it gives them no greater joy than to help those currently in the valley. We ALL have trials and suffering and just b/c your a Christian doesn't mean it won't come. EXPECT it to come. It will come!!! In different ways, we ALL have seasons of suffering whether thru divorce, affairs, broken homes, difficult spouses, the wayward and difficult child, abuse, bankruptcy, job loss, losing their homes, losing a child, spouse.....The church should be the place we CAN and want to go to for help b/c we are ALL broken in our own way. We can be there for each other. Please Don't suffer alone!!!!
God doesn't always answer us right away or answer the way that we long for either. If God had healed me right away, and I have NO DOUBT that God can and promises to answer for if we ask, we will receive....But that doesn't mean in OUR time. I would have missed out on learning soooo much more about God's character. I wouldn't have learned what perseverance means....there were days that I swore I would never make it. There were many days that I almost died and thought "Yup, this is the end." I am done. I needed to learn: patient Endurance. God gave me the strength to keep going and get back up again. He said to me "Lisa....you must wait, I have so much more planned for you in this." Wait? But I want to be better now Lord!!! "Lisa, I want you to KNOW me..... To know the depth of my love for YOU, the power I give you when you are weak, to trust in me just knowing that I am there with you, that I will never leave nor forsake you, to know the joy of resting in me alone when darkness and silence are all that you can see. To experience My fullness of love and peace, comfort that I give you late into the night, the depth that's beyond getting just what you ask from an infinite God who is making what you have and who you are, last. He said "Lisa, yes your dreams and prayers could be answered by me instantly but Oh, the Loss, if you missed what I am DOING in YOU!!! God was helping me learn to have the faith in Him to make it through ANYTHING else that may come my way. He was building me to last....
Isaiah 40:31 Those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 5 For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. 6 If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. 7 And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.
9 Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. 10 He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us again. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, 11 as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many.
2 Corinthians 1
I peter 2:21 "For God called you to do good, even if it means suffering, just as Christ suffered for you. He is your example, and you must follow in his steps."
John 16:33, “You will have suffering in this world.”
Romans 8:18: “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.”
Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope ..." Romans 5:3-4
John Piper emphasizes that “God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him.” But when serious trials hit, we are susceptible to Satan’s temptation to doubt God’s love and goodness towards us. We ask why God, why me? We are so focused on the trial and the suffering that we are feeling that we feel like God has left us, alone.
When we are driving through the storm and our window wipers are flying back and forth trying to see God, to see His purpose in it all, and what He wants from US through it, we easily forget how great He is. If only we would stop and look in the rear view mirror and see ALL the places that He HAS been. That He HAS been with us the entire time and that He promises to NEVER leave nor forsake us. HE is good all the time. The trial is producing PATIENT endurance to keep fighting and going in this life and finish well b/c God knew I wouldn't do it well in the condition I was in before it!!! Don't take your eyes off God!!
"Don't waste your suffering"
1. DON'T SUFFER ALONE
2. DON'T MISS OUT ON BEING COMFORTED BY THOSE THAT HAVE BEEN THERE
3. COMFORT OTHERS IF YOU HAVE MADE IT THROUGH THE VALLEY AND THE OTHER SIDE
4. THERE IS NO POINTLESS SUFFERING
5. DON'T PUSH GOD AND HIS PEOPLE AWAY AND TRY TO DO IT ON YOUR OWN.
6. WHEN IT HAPPENS AGAIN, REMEMBER THE PROMISES AND TRUTH YOU LEARNED FROM GOD TO MAKE IT THROUGH AGAIN. WE ARE NEVER PERFECT, WE ARE ALL WORKS IN PROGRESS AND IT WILL KEEP REDEFINING YOU
Another, a father to a 5 day old, who fell asleep and rolled on top of his child, killing her. Today, a patient's mother had a stroke yesterday and is in the ICU and at night her moms house also burned down (I even looked it up in the sentinel and it was true!) The boyfriend and girlfriend in surgery b/c of a motorcycle accident that wasn't his fault, the 26 year old that got pushed of the dock at the lake and broke his neck and is now paralysed, the man so disfigured by burns from a chemical spill that you couldn't even tell what he used to look like, the decaying 20ish year old female found in a park after being there dead for a week with an unknown name.... I can look at the list of patients in the ER any single day at any single hour and see that many of them are visiting for overdoses, depression and panic attacks, suicide, miscarriage, abuse, cancer, eating disorders, diseases, accidents, trauma's, and death. I have seen thousands laying on my table in pain and suffering and it can happen at ANY time and ANY age....The world is FULL of sadness and suffering......
A great friend of mine recently mailed me a CD from a sermon she had heard at church that reminded her of me, and I am so grateful that she listened to the prompting of the Holy Spirit to follow through and send it to me. It has been by far the best sermon on suffering that I have heard and it has blessed me so much that I can't keep it in. So I thought I would bring it here.
Sometimes I leave work and ask God, Why? Why do the things so bad that I see have to happen? Why would a God allow it too? I have only come to one conclusion and that is that God is Sovereign and sometimes we just "don't know." I do know this: That God is good, He WANTS us to spend time with Him and know Him, He wants us to allow HIS will to be done and not our own, and He can see a greater plan that we cannot. I can only speak for myself and say that for me, it was the BEST thing that has ever happened to me. I want to use the WORST time of my life and turn it into good for Him. He taught me who He was through it. He taught me to give up my control. He taught me such INCREDIBLE life lessons that I could NOT have learned ANY other way. He KNEW that what I needed when I clearly did not. I NEEDED Him and I wasn't living that way. Now, was it punishment as some might say? Maybe so, sometimes it is. I also believe that God hates sin and is a JUST God, we live as defiant children trying to run away from our Father, and He will punish His children just like a father and mother have to discipline and punish theirs when we are out of line. But I also know that it happens for something we can only place our faith in God that He does know. Maybe it is to make us more like Him. Christ HIMSELF suffered more than any one of us could ever imagine and He did NOTHING wrong. God allowed it to happen in my life, to be used for HIM and to praise and worship Him, that is why we were created and for 30 YEARS I was missing out on the greatest peace and joy in my life b/c I was living it without Him. I want and long to help others through maybe the same type of situation or understand those that suffer in other areas as well. To bring comfort to them, BY Him and for Him. I figure even if I can help ONE person, if I can reach and put a smile one ONE of my patients, or bless ONE in any way, I am blessed as well. Its got nothing to do about me. It is His will to use suffering and I will follow His will, Not mine.
The Lord has taught me so much over the years, that it is absolutely mind blowing to me to see who I am today compared to 2008 just before my trial that brought about the greatest changes that I could ever experience so far. I learned alot and I could have learned even more if I had known what I know today but isn't that whats great about God's goodness and grace, He loves me and knows, I am a work in progress.
Some of these words are mine, and some of them from the pastor at Calvary Church. "DON"T WASTE YOUR SUFFERING".
From 2009-2011 I suffered silently and quietly. I didn't tell even my closest friends or even family, not even my spouse, what suffering I was going through both physically and emotionally. I put myself in survival mode, hurting secretly, going through each new day with my own strength and my own will, which at times, I hardly had anything left to give to my family. I didn't want them to see me suffer. I didn't want them to think that I couldn't do it. I thought I could do it. Knowing now what I know, I was completely wrong. I missed out on some of God's greatest blessings because I didn't allow others know or help. When Jesus left this earth He left his Holy Spirit in the church, to help comfort those in need. Others WANT to help. Others HAVE been there. You see Satan is the great deceiver and told me: Lisa, no one cares, no one understands, no one has time for you, you can do it on your own, you don't need other people.....And I listened to him. The truth is that others HAVE been there, others HAVE been in the valley and some of them have made it through to the other side and it gives them no greater joy than to help those currently in the valley. We ALL have trials and suffering and just b/c your a Christian doesn't mean it won't come. EXPECT it to come. It will come!!! In different ways, we ALL have seasons of suffering whether thru divorce, affairs, broken homes, difficult spouses, the wayward and difficult child, abuse, bankruptcy, job loss, losing their homes, losing a child, spouse.....The church should be the place we CAN and want to go to for help b/c we are ALL broken in our own way. We can be there for each other. Please Don't suffer alone!!!!
God doesn't always answer us right away or answer the way that we long for either. If God had healed me right away, and I have NO DOUBT that God can and promises to answer for if we ask, we will receive....But that doesn't mean in OUR time. I would have missed out on learning soooo much more about God's character. I wouldn't have learned what perseverance means....there were days that I swore I would never make it. There were many days that I almost died and thought "Yup, this is the end." I am done. I needed to learn: patient Endurance. God gave me the strength to keep going and get back up again. He said to me "Lisa....you must wait, I have so much more planned for you in this." Wait? But I want to be better now Lord!!! "Lisa, I want you to KNOW me..... To know the depth of my love for YOU, the power I give you when you are weak, to trust in me just knowing that I am there with you, that I will never leave nor forsake you, to know the joy of resting in me alone when darkness and silence are all that you can see. To experience My fullness of love and peace, comfort that I give you late into the night, the depth that's beyond getting just what you ask from an infinite God who is making what you have and who you are, last. He said "Lisa, yes your dreams and prayers could be answered by me instantly but Oh, the Loss, if you missed what I am DOING in YOU!!! God was helping me learn to have the faith in Him to make it through ANYTHING else that may come my way. He was building me to last....
Isaiah 40:31 Those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 5 For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. 6 If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. 7 And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.
9 Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. 10 He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us again. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, 11 as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many.
2 Corinthians 1
I peter 2:21 "For God called you to do good, even if it means suffering, just as Christ suffered for you. He is your example, and you must follow in his steps."
John 16:33, “You will have suffering in this world.”
Romans 8:18: “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.”
Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope ..." Romans 5:3-4
John Piper emphasizes that “God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him.” But when serious trials hit, we are susceptible to Satan’s temptation to doubt God’s love and goodness towards us. We ask why God, why me? We are so focused on the trial and the suffering that we are feeling that we feel like God has left us, alone.
When we are driving through the storm and our window wipers are flying back and forth trying to see God, to see His purpose in it all, and what He wants from US through it, we easily forget how great He is. If only we would stop and look in the rear view mirror and see ALL the places that He HAS been. That He HAS been with us the entire time and that He promises to NEVER leave nor forsake us. HE is good all the time. The trial is producing PATIENT endurance to keep fighting and going in this life and finish well b/c God knew I wouldn't do it well in the condition I was in before it!!! Don't take your eyes off God!!
"Don't waste your suffering"
1. DON'T SUFFER ALONE
2. DON'T MISS OUT ON BEING COMFORTED BY THOSE THAT HAVE BEEN THERE
3. COMFORT OTHERS IF YOU HAVE MADE IT THROUGH THE VALLEY AND THE OTHER SIDE
4. THERE IS NO POINTLESS SUFFERING
5. DON'T PUSH GOD AND HIS PEOPLE AWAY AND TRY TO DO IT ON YOUR OWN.
6. WHEN IT HAPPENS AGAIN, REMEMBER THE PROMISES AND TRUTH YOU LEARNED FROM GOD TO MAKE IT THROUGH AGAIN. WE ARE NEVER PERFECT, WE ARE ALL WORKS IN PROGRESS AND IT WILL KEEP REDEFINING YOU
Thursday, May 1, 2014
Back to Henry Ford
It has officially been 3 years since my bypass surgery at Henry Ford!!! I cannot believe it has been that long!!! It seriously seems like yesterday to me in my mind. Praise be to God that all looks well on the inside, for the most part. I think that is the thing the blows me away the most, I look totally fine and maybe no different than I ever did before on the outside but on the inside I am completely new, in my heart and in my belly.... A new highway of vessels and now a new little buddy that was glowing on my most recent CT scan (my artificial bypass connecting 2 main vessels to open up the flow)....I truly am an amazing vessel inside :) I found a new favorite song which I LOVE!!!!!
These scars- by Mandisa
How the Lord reached down and healed me and remind me of Gods amazing faithfulness and all that He has brought me through. How He reached down and made me new, and thanks be to God for His amazing hand in it all. The pain, the reflections in the mirror of my scared body are a reminder of Gods faithfulness and I can always look at them and thank God for so many things!! Christ took scars for me too!
One thing didn't look so good and that is my incisional hernia that has resulted for my surgery. They cut my belly with a 10 inch sideways incision and it never came together very good from the very beginning. I kept going to the Dr and telling them that it wasn't healing and they said to give it time. Well, 3 years later it is definitely getting worse. The muscles on the whole left side of my belly have completely died. The Dr thought they would come back together but they never have and he is surprised at this. By the end of the night I can measure my stomach and it is 3-4 inches bigger than in the morning. Basically my guts are falling out. I need an internal mesh/girdle :) The only problem is, how are we going to attach it and to what when all the muscles on one side have died. Grafting of muscles from another body source? (don't like that)....
Can we leave it? The dr. said that it is getting worse and if I want to remain active, I need it fixed. He said that it could lead to getting colon entrapment (colon falling into the hernia pocket) and then we would be in a MUCH bigger and complicated position.
My surgeon told me that he would look into finding me a Dr. here locally to get it fixed. A month later he called me and said that the more he thought about my situation and my history, he wants me to come to Henry Ford. I am completely ok with that! I told the nurses that right from the beginning that if it meant coming that way I would. The last thing I want to do it have complications here in a local hospital and they will not know what to do. I have been there.....Remember I laid at metro for 4 days before being asked to send me away by ambulance to U of M....I just don't want to go down that road again. My surgeon said that he will be there to assist the new surgeon if needed and they need the Henry Ford Hematology group involved to pull me OFF blood thinner, long enough to have the surgery safely, but yet NOT long enough to clot my bypass.....very critical timing with keeping my blood flowing safely, and the LAST thing we want to jeopardize is my bypass. I trust Henry ford and I am comfortable there.
Soooo, Off we go!!! Friday May 5 we will be headed back to Henry ford in detroit for a CONSULT only. we do NOT know what this surgeon will say, HOW he will fix me, and this surgery will be MUCH less scary to me than the first.... the length or depth of surgery involved or recovery and who knows, he may even say" no way" we are leaving it alone and why rock the boat if the boat isn't broke".
At first I cried for a few days....Flashbacks, thinking what if this, what if that, what about my kids, why did this happen, didn't I suffer enough, will my suffering ever end, why me....BUT then I got a grip on myself and my thoughts and took them captive and reflected on the promises of God. I CAN do this! Through Christ ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE. He gave me the most amazing strength I have EVER felt in my entire life. I could have never made it without Him. He will never leave nor forsake me, He has my life in his almighty hands, Not a hair falls from my head without Him knowing, and He loves me far beyond anything I could ever imagine. Trust in the Lord for there is NO other way. I allowed my kids to see my fear but then used it as a great teaching opportunity b/c this time they ARE old enough to understand what mom is going though. They do understand. I tell them all the time that mommy was very very sick and almost died several times but that it was the best thing that ever happened in mommies life b/c I found Jesus and Jesus kept me here today with them to help show them the way!! I want them to know that we have a great God and to not be in fear. That mommy is going to be ok and that God's Will, will be done and we can be CONFIDENT that He will be with me and carrying me through this all the way. Honestly, if its my time to go, I am ok with that now, the first time I couldn't say that because I didn't have Christ in my life or KNOW Him and have a relationship with Him like I do today. I have a new trust, hope and confidence in Christ that I never had the first time.
Prayers would be great!!! Wisdom and knowledge for the surgeons involved on how to fix me "again"....
These scars- by Mandisa
How the Lord reached down and healed me and remind me of Gods amazing faithfulness and all that He has brought me through. How He reached down and made me new, and thanks be to God for His amazing hand in it all. The pain, the reflections in the mirror of my scared body are a reminder of Gods faithfulness and I can always look at them and thank God for so many things!! Christ took scars for me too!
One thing didn't look so good and that is my incisional hernia that has resulted for my surgery. They cut my belly with a 10 inch sideways incision and it never came together very good from the very beginning. I kept going to the Dr and telling them that it wasn't healing and they said to give it time. Well, 3 years later it is definitely getting worse. The muscles on the whole left side of my belly have completely died. The Dr thought they would come back together but they never have and he is surprised at this. By the end of the night I can measure my stomach and it is 3-4 inches bigger than in the morning. Basically my guts are falling out. I need an internal mesh/girdle :) The only problem is, how are we going to attach it and to what when all the muscles on one side have died. Grafting of muscles from another body source? (don't like that)....
Can we leave it? The dr. said that it is getting worse and if I want to remain active, I need it fixed. He said that it could lead to getting colon entrapment (colon falling into the hernia pocket) and then we would be in a MUCH bigger and complicated position.
My surgeon told me that he would look into finding me a Dr. here locally to get it fixed. A month later he called me and said that the more he thought about my situation and my history, he wants me to come to Henry Ford. I am completely ok with that! I told the nurses that right from the beginning that if it meant coming that way I would. The last thing I want to do it have complications here in a local hospital and they will not know what to do. I have been there.....Remember I laid at metro for 4 days before being asked to send me away by ambulance to U of M....I just don't want to go down that road again. My surgeon said that he will be there to assist the new surgeon if needed and they need the Henry Ford Hematology group involved to pull me OFF blood thinner, long enough to have the surgery safely, but yet NOT long enough to clot my bypass.....very critical timing with keeping my blood flowing safely, and the LAST thing we want to jeopardize is my bypass. I trust Henry ford and I am comfortable there.
Soooo, Off we go!!! Friday May 5 we will be headed back to Henry ford in detroit for a CONSULT only. we do NOT know what this surgeon will say, HOW he will fix me, and this surgery will be MUCH less scary to me than the first.... the length or depth of surgery involved or recovery and who knows, he may even say" no way" we are leaving it alone and why rock the boat if the boat isn't broke".
At first I cried for a few days....Flashbacks, thinking what if this, what if that, what about my kids, why did this happen, didn't I suffer enough, will my suffering ever end, why me....BUT then I got a grip on myself and my thoughts and took them captive and reflected on the promises of God. I CAN do this! Through Christ ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE. He gave me the most amazing strength I have EVER felt in my entire life. I could have never made it without Him. He will never leave nor forsake me, He has my life in his almighty hands, Not a hair falls from my head without Him knowing, and He loves me far beyond anything I could ever imagine. Trust in the Lord for there is NO other way. I allowed my kids to see my fear but then used it as a great teaching opportunity b/c this time they ARE old enough to understand what mom is going though. They do understand. I tell them all the time that mommy was very very sick and almost died several times but that it was the best thing that ever happened in mommies life b/c I found Jesus and Jesus kept me here today with them to help show them the way!! I want them to know that we have a great God and to not be in fear. That mommy is going to be ok and that God's Will, will be done and we can be CONFIDENT that He will be with me and carrying me through this all the way. Honestly, if its my time to go, I am ok with that now, the first time I couldn't say that because I didn't have Christ in my life or KNOW Him and have a relationship with Him like I do today. I have a new trust, hope and confidence in Christ that I never had the first time.
Prayers would be great!!! Wisdom and knowledge for the surgeons involved on how to fix me "again"....
Saturday, February 22, 2014
My Testimony: What God has done in my life, I am new.....
Yes, I grew up in a Christian home, a married mom and dad, went
to church every Sunday attended bible studies and Calvinettes, lived by the
rules for the most part (I assumed drinking, smoking and tattoos were something
every young adult did and it was ok). I
got straight A’s, had a lot of friends, and I called myself the run-away bride
b/c I did that 3 times. YUP, I am THAT
kind of girl, as someone once told me in shock.
How the Lord brought my husband to the nerve to ask me to marry him, is
only by the grace and power of Him b/c God had a plan for my life, God picked
him for me, even if I gave no regard to the power or control of God in it at
that time. I was searching for
happiness, and I thought I had life all figured out.
I got married, had 2 kids, a brand new home and I didn’t
ever ask for help because I claimed I didn’t need any, after all, doesn’t the
world and everyone else teach you that what is important is perfection? HA! I had
everything I needed according to the worldly checklist, I could do all things
and if something didn’t make me happy, I would move on to the next
thing….Searching. What I didn’t have was
real love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness
or self control. I couldn’t find what
made Lisa happy. I even did this with my
marriage, and traveled close to a dangerous path where if Steve couldn’t make
me happy, maybe I deserved someone else,
Lord, maybe I made a mistake. If He
loved me he would do ____, if he loved me he wouldn’t do ______, why is marriage
so hard, why is being a mom so hard, why are friendships so hard…. Buying into Satan’s lies he was telling me to make me believe that I
deserved more, I deserved better, I deserved happiness. Satan knows the games
to deceive and longs for us to live a life of deception and lies. I was RIDICULOUSLY self-righteous and
self-focused. Thank the Lord I never
traveled down the road that ever destroyed my marriage, it could have easily. Life just didn’t add up and that is when I
pulled off the side of the road in 2008 with tears streaming down my face and prayed
“Lord, if You are real I need to know, If you are there and if there is something I am
missing, I NEED you to show me"
I knew all the rules,
I knew about God, but I didn’t KNOW God, I didn’t seek Him b/c I didn’t think I
needed Him. God wasn’t a distant ruler
in my life EVER, I just chose not to acknowledge Him. God let me keep on
praying because He wasn’t going to bend to MY WILL. It wasn’t like He was gone, He
just let me be. I would go to church and
feel nothing. I would pray and heard only
silence. To be honest, God’s silence never bothered me
because in this world, we live with options, lots of options and self gratifying
tools, you can fill the silence up with other things or people…..
And THEN God
decided to answer…..
In 2009 I became sick one year after giving birth to my
son. It took me scanning myself (by the
hand of God again, through my job as a CT tech.) because no one else would listen to me. The next day I was admitted to the hospital for 5 days and in the Dr’s
office I was told with my husband “if you don’t do anything within one year,
you WILL die.” We left with instructions to move within 5 minutes of the local hospital and to cancel vacation plans because if I started hemorrhaging from my mouth NO ONE would know what to do with me and I would die quickly. I had developed blood
clots in my abdomen and to this day, no one knows why. By the time we discovered the blood clots ½
of my liver was destroyed and my body developed a whole new blood vessel system
to get the blood from another source wrapping like branches around my throat. Think about a plant, if a branch is killed, (in my case with a blood clot) its going to start growing new branches to get to the stream. This
lead to 30+ hospitalizations, and wouldn't you know it, we sold our house while laying in one hospital after trying to sell it for a year and left it to the Lords will to carry us through the process without having any other home in mind. Our church stepped in and moved our house contents and someone had a rental we could use. I had my first ambulance ride which was 2 hours long after laying in a hospital for 5 days with no one knowing what to do with my situation, a blood transfusions
with a rare allergic reaction to the blood in which blood pooled into my lungs
and I could feel myself drowning and my life almost ended, hundreds of procedures to clean out the
clots, liver biopsies, wrapping of the veins in my throat to reinforce them
from hemorrhaging, testing and more testing, knocking on deaths door 2 times in different ICUs, visits to U of M
several times, Cleveland clinic, and Henry Ford hospital in Detroit. I inject myself daily with 2 shots of blood thinner and am currently at 3,000+. Finally,
after being left with 3 different choices from 3 different hospital
organizations we were left alone to decide....How would we "fix" me? The Lord lead us in the decision to a 7 hour abdomen bypass surgery in 2011. Cut wide open from top to bottom the doctors discovered a new highway system inside and my veins were as thick as ropes from all the blood pressure going through them over the years....How long had they been there? No one knows. I give thanks to God for bringing me through my deliveries and for the precious two bundles that I have because instructions were to NEVER get pregnant again. During those 3 years I was also trying to be
a wife and mother to a 1 and 3 year old. For 3 years I traveled a very dark, lonely, and
scary, path. I wept in anguish. I cannot describe to you the pain and anguish of my heart..... no one
understood and no one seemed to care, but the whole time I knew that Jesus was
also there with me, weeping with me, and holding my hand.
You see God does LISTEN, God does ANSWER....Is it always the way that we would have chosen, absolutely not but He will reveal who HE is, if we ask Him too. He proved to me during that time that I am NEVER alone, that He loves me more than I could ever imagine, that His ways are amazing and not a detail left untouched by His hand. Do I believe this just b/c I was "fixed"....NO! I believe this b/c I have and seen God.
You see God does LISTEN, God does ANSWER....Is it always the way that we would have chosen, absolutely not but He will reveal who HE is, if we ask Him too. He proved to me during that time that I am NEVER alone, that He loves me more than I could ever imagine, that His ways are amazing and not a detail left untouched by His hand. Do I believe this just b/c I was "fixed"....NO! I believe this b/c I have and seen God.
My life has and always will be forever changed in so many
ways. God saved me both physically and
spiritually through this valley of my life and had greater plans for me. Today I am doing things I would have NEVER
imagined doing before b/c I have something new, true love, joy, and peace in
ALL things. I am new in Christ and live for Christ and want to tell everyone
what He has done for me. I was once
lost, but now am found. I can look back
on the events in my life and it is absolutely amazing to me to see that God
loved me the whole time and never let me go….He was leading Lisa into true life
today with Him. I never had a personal
relationship with the Lord and now I can’t wait to keep learning more and more
about Him.
Let me leave off saying to you this:
Testimonies don’t require an interesting story, nor is it necessary
to make Christianity look good by living a perfect life. Life is Hard. We ALL will have trials and valleys, and struggles on this side of eternity. Perfect people don’t exist so quit trying to
be, you will be forever unhappy if you keep trying! Its just about telling others about Jesus,
about what God has done in your life. Testimonies don’t win someone to Jesus,
only He can and I have learned that God doesn’t pull us from the muck and mire
to sit us on the sidelines, He wants me to Dance and shine! Marriage is going
to be hard b/c you are doing it with 2 very imperfect people, including yourself.
I look back now and see myself asking God “what are you thinking Lord?” the
question should have been, what was I thinking!!! People will love me, surprise me, fail me,
and amaze me and I will do the same for them. Things are not on this earth to
make YOU happy all the time, everything on this side of eternity promises ONE
thing, to disappoint or fail. Life is
NOT about me, its about God. Hang tight to the TRUE promises and something that
never fails, God. His promises are found in the Bible. Start reading it, before I knew the Lord, I
read it, but it meant nothing to me b/c I was reading it on MY understanding,
MY time was precious and I had things to do…
I used to believe that God won’t give you anything you can’t
handle….(that’s just bad theology) Of coarse God gives us things we can’t
handle b/c that is His way of telling us to get the heck out of the driver
seat!!!
I needed a wake up, to recognize my need of HIM, His Holy
Spirit, not the power of Lisa. Life is
to make us holy and more like Christ, and be a shining light for Him to give
him the glory in all we do and say. Trials,
journeys, being alone, depression, marriage struggles, friendships that have
you confused, children and kids, whatever you are struggling with…It might just
be the greatest blessing in disguise b/c God always has a plan. Leave the details of that plan to Him. It is MUCH greater than the plans you have. He brings good out of the mess in ways we
could have NEVER imagined!! The plan He
had for my life looked NOTHING like what I had planned, but EVERY single day I
give thanks to Him for saving my life, both physically and spiritually, b/c it
has now affected my life in more ways than I could ever explain and it has had
tremendous impact on my marriage, relationships, friendships, family, my
ability as a mother and increased my passion for my kids spirituality to
understand the WHY they Need Christ.
There is only ONE thing on this earth that can ever give you pure joy
and peace and that comes from knowing and having a relationship with the only
perfect one, CHRIST!!!
Start looking at yourself, your life, your marriage, your
kids, friends, and family the way God does.
My belly is a disaster on the outside, covered with bruises and scars
and yet I can look at them confidently in the mirror and say “I am His
masterpiece, every detail of my life was filtered thru His hands of AMAZING
GRACE AND LOVE, I am beautiful and made in His image! He doesn’t care what we look like on the
“outside” He sees inside and trust me, you can’t fake Him, I tried! God alone
saves, God is enough and just alittle FYI, people aren’t attracted to perfect
people anyways. Be real, Be you, be
transparent and allow God to shine in areas of weakness. I wish I would have learned that a LONG time
ago. God wants us to know our
testimonies, and He wants us to know that He’s not done writing them.
Psalm 40:5
Many, LORD my God, are the wonders you have done, the things
you planned for us. None can compare with you; were I to speak and tell of your
deeds, they would be too many to declare.
Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for
you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you
and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future
2 Corinthians 12: 8-10
My grace is sufficient for you, for my power
is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will
boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest
on me. 10 That is why, for
Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in
persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Isaiah 55:8-9
For my thoughts are not your
thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways
higher than your ways and my thoughts than your
thoughts.
John 3:30
He must become greater; I must
become less
Saturday, June 1, 2013
Go and Make Disciples (Matthew 28)
I am not sure why, I really think it all happened because of the TV series that came out: THE BIBLE. Did you watch it? A series about the Bible made into picture, by the guy that developed Survivor! Its a pretty brave move to do in todays society and I was so excited b/c it brought ALOT of attention....To me, it was fabulous. I LOVED it and I still put them on and watch them over to pick up parts that I missed and things that I never knew before!! I really learned alot and now when reading my bible (not that I want to picture it how this guy portrays it, but it does help relate to me better with that visual) How sad is it that the man that wrote the majority of the New testimate I knew so little about!! I got to get movin!!! I can't seem to get enough lately!!! So much to learn....
Lately the Lord has definitely been putting it on my heart to "Go and make disciples of all nations" Its one of His greatest commands and VERY FEW left behind actually believed, Many disowned his teachings and they saw Him and were with him!! He left His Disciples to do the rest of His work, leaving them with all He had taught them in his very short 3 years! So I thought I would pray to the Lord to help me be more bold in my faith, to talk MORE about Jesus and not hide, tell about who Jesus is to me and what he has done for me not because I am so much better than everyone else, but because I am now alive and made new in Christ. I have changed, I am so free now, I was living a life in bondage. I was not living a life for the Lord nor did I SEEK Him in return. I have no doubt He had my life in His hands, but that doesn't mean I gave any account or recognition to Him like I should have!! No one knows what it is going to take to believe in Him or what He has planned for our lives, I am just saying that for me, I am forever grateful to my Lord and savior for sparing my life when Satan would have rejoiced if I died when I was sick between 2009-2011 when I came to Christ. I didn't claim Jesus. I didn't know Him. I didn't have a relationship with Him. I didn't go to biblestudy, if I did, I had a hard time understanding it and didn't REALLY believe....can't it just be a story? No, it is Not. I know this to be true by Faith alone. Can I prove it to you, Nope. Can I make you believe? Nope. Can I make my kids and husband, family saved and believe? Nope. It is all about Me and My relationship with God and I didn't have one.
Little did I know that God would test me with that whole "go and make disciples" idea sooner than I thought. Within a month I had 2 huge encounters. One, a great friend of mine whom I LOVE dearly and pray for often that she will come to know the Lord. I just opened my mouth one day when it felt "right" and asked her if she knew about the bible, what it said, what she believed, if she believed in God, if she was afraid of being wrong, that God sent His son to die for our sins b/c of love...Let me tell ya, she is smart and she had alot of defense and alot of questions that left me standing there with a big old "DUH......". I had no clue!!!
I had no clue how to "defend" God, how to convince her, I drove home feeling like a complete failure and beating myself up b/c "I blew it". THAT my friends is where satan will plan his attack and play with my emotions. THAT was step one in realizing that 1. I can't make her believe 2. I don't need to defend and prove that I am right 3. Its NOT about me, its about God and God must choose her and move her with His Holy Spirit on His timing, not mine, no matter how much I love and care for her. It brought up topics of study for me about (the holy spirit, elect, O.T believers vs N.T, faith...) I realized that its good to question my faith b/c it helps me grow.....It DID show me that if I want to claim Jesus and talk about Him like I know him, How can I if I am not daily in His word and read what He has told me. It DID give me questions in my own faith and show me that I needed to go back to the bible and find my answers and there is nothing wrong with that. I will NEVER have all the answers nor will I try to believe or act like I do b/c I don't. I am an infant in this whole relationship with God but I am willing to grow, I am willing to try, I want to try, I want to be a better person b/c of Him.
2nd one: An alcholic at the park. YUP....Me and Luke, by ourselves and one other person (elderly lady walking around the lake). I pass her, she stops me to ask if I saw the guy. Yes, I did. She told me that he fell backwards while sitting at the table. I asked if she checked on him? No. Well, I will. I go to him, laying on the floor, legs still up on the seat, hes breathing...."sir?" Eyes open. "are you ok, do you need help, do you want me to call someone for you?" He says, You must believe in Jesus. I look at him in a shocked stare... and said, "well, yes I do love Jesus and I care about you and want to make sure you are ok." Thats when he asked me to pray for him. I have NEVER prayed for a stranger. Never. I don't even like praying out loud and I used to get nervous...I just let God take over. I kneeled down and held his hand and prayed for him. I have no idea what I said, I was praying on top of praying that God would fill me with his Spirit and his words :) When finished he said, will you tell me some scripture? There it was again a bid old "DUH.......". I couldn't think of ANYTHING!!!!! Whats wrong with me!! I talked to him for a good 1/2 hr, and yes, I called the cops but that was only to give him a ride b/c I didn't want to take him home myself like he asked and he would have never made it there alone. The cop swore to me that he would bring him home, he was doing no harm, I just wanted him to get home. Jeff, if you read this someday, I hope you now know the Lord loves you, alcohol and all, we all have our sins and He can help you be redeemed. I hope I see you someday on "the voice". (Yup, the tv show...took me awhile to figure that out, I don't watch it but steve does and I told him to watch out for Jeff) :)
Again, I went home thinking, what an idiot....I blew it! I had the chance, I couldn't think of ONE verse and now a million are popping into my head!!! Again, I had to sit back and reflect....Satan wants me to feel bad, He wants me to think that I can't witness, but I can. I can love others, I can be who I am, where I am and still witness thru the actions of my life. Its not always about doing but being. I want to "do" b/c I love God so much and want others to learn from what mistakes I have gone through and hopefully show them that life with Christ is so much greater and life on earth is so short....
My list of books on my shelf has grown in the past few months to so many, seriously.... I will never get to them all over the summer but I can't wait to jump in. This is coming from someone who HATES TO READ!!!!
1. Confessions of a raging perfectionist (so far, I am in LOVE with this book...trying to find worth in lists/to-dos/image/things, total type A. I think if most women would admit, we all have a part of us that wants everything to be perfect and under OUR control. The problem is, nothing will ever be perfect and we are never in control as hard as you try. There will ALWAYS be a bigger, better, more organized, beautiful home. There will ALWAYS be a prettier woman than you. There will ALWAYS be someone who runs faster than you, kids better than you.....Quit working towards an unattainable goal. Life will NEVER be perfect. Learn to let go!!!)
2. Who do you think you are? (Until you know WHO's you are, you will never know WHO you are....you will continue to pursue and chase after a life full of things and people to make you happy....guess what? ALL will fail....All but One.) What a great series!!! Check out Marshill.com and Mark Driscoll and find awesome videos, sermons...
3. No more perfect moms (Believe it or not but yes I am leading a bible study this summer every friday at different parks with any mom that wants too) This book is easy and fun and real and true. I was that mom that wanted the perfect family, the perfect kids, the perfect body....SUPRISE they are all un attainable!!! No one is perfect and I don't want to act like I am, I am who I am, the way God made me and I find incredible freedom from it. God loves me mistakes, wrinkles and rolls, problems, and all. There is nothing that drives me more crazy than FAKE people. DRIVES ME CRAZY!!!! Who do you think you are kidding? Hypocrits. You want Money? Go ahead, have it. You work out 2 hrs a day, Great! Your kids have straight A's and go to Christian school? Great! You see a beautiful woman, skinnier than you, prettier hair than you, Great!! Why get so bent out of shape about it? Does that mean you have to hate them? Its about the heart people....Its about God, and you. No one else. Do you really think that in the end you are going to care?
Do you ever find people on their death bed saying...."can you go see how much money I have in the bank? Are you sure my car is parked in the back row where no one will ding the doors and everyone can see it? Do you think this outfit makes my butt look big?"
4. Grace walk (being shipped right now, sister says "must read")
5. Unglued (just entered...My favorite all time author Lysa b/c again she is real!! We have problems, we all do, embrace them and claim freedom b/c God wants so much more and planned our lives for so much more, Who knows what He has planned for us! Does the mommy monster come out in my house? Yup. Do I yell at my kids and then feel bad about it? Yup. But I am not alone...God knows and understands and most of the time I have something to learn thru the whole situation if I am willing to admit it.
6. God empowered wife- Haven't started....Think this is going to be a good one...Came across it who knows where. I read the line "The problem is not that I expect too much from my husband but that I expect too little, therefore not giving him the respect and appreciate he deserves". Ooouch!!! That one hurt. Because its true!! At least for me. I don't know anyone out there that wouldn't like to improve your marriage or be a better wife, its the 2nd most important relationship, do I treat him that way? I love the book Sacred marriage b/c like this book, its not just about being a better wife, Its about becoming a servant and living a life for Christ THRU my marriage.
7. David Platts- Radical and videos/sermons on YouTube. Man this guy has passion and I love it!! Will I be a radical? Probably not going out all over the world and selling all I have and living in a box....could I live with much less, absolutely. We are spoiled americans. We don't know what sacrifice is or means b/c we don't have too! Pride, Humility, and selfishness...Root of all sin for me. I want to constantly deny Self and claim Him.
There are a MILLION ways to grow if you really want too....The internet can be a beautiful thing!
So much to do, so much to see, so much life to live...maybe....You know, I like lists. But like I just read in one of my books :) the problem is not my lists. The problem is the significance I put on those lists. If I do them, I feel good, I feel worth something, I feel loved....If I don't do them, I feel bad, say I am no good, unworthy....I do NOT want to be that way and I want to continue to grow and let go. I am learning to let go of the lists. I am praying that God slows me down so that I enjoy my little bundles at home b/c I am going to blink and they will be gone. I am learning that my list doesn't bring me my worth....what I get done or don't get done doesn't make me any better of a person. Someone said to me once "Say you have a chart of "chores" at home and Karlie does them all, and Luke doesn't. One day Luke is in the yard and a dog attacks him, what are you going to do and why? your going to run and save him right? Your gonna do it b/c you love him right? But he didn't do anything....so? Does that make my love for him less? No. Does that make me love Karlie more? No. So it is with our awesome father....I am his kid! God loves me, God knows my heart and I am so glad that I can do all things Thru Christ, but also according to His will, not mine. :) Thank the Lord for that!!!
Lately the Lord has definitely been putting it on my heart to "Go and make disciples of all nations" Its one of His greatest commands and VERY FEW left behind actually believed, Many disowned his teachings and they saw Him and were with him!! He left His Disciples to do the rest of His work, leaving them with all He had taught them in his very short 3 years! So I thought I would pray to the Lord to help me be more bold in my faith, to talk MORE about Jesus and not hide, tell about who Jesus is to me and what he has done for me not because I am so much better than everyone else, but because I am now alive and made new in Christ. I have changed, I am so free now, I was living a life in bondage. I was not living a life for the Lord nor did I SEEK Him in return. I have no doubt He had my life in His hands, but that doesn't mean I gave any account or recognition to Him like I should have!! No one knows what it is going to take to believe in Him or what He has planned for our lives, I am just saying that for me, I am forever grateful to my Lord and savior for sparing my life when Satan would have rejoiced if I died when I was sick between 2009-2011 when I came to Christ. I didn't claim Jesus. I didn't know Him. I didn't have a relationship with Him. I didn't go to biblestudy, if I did, I had a hard time understanding it and didn't REALLY believe....can't it just be a story? No, it is Not. I know this to be true by Faith alone. Can I prove it to you, Nope. Can I make you believe? Nope. Can I make my kids and husband, family saved and believe? Nope. It is all about Me and My relationship with God and I didn't have one.
Little did I know that God would test me with that whole "go and make disciples" idea sooner than I thought. Within a month I had 2 huge encounters. One, a great friend of mine whom I LOVE dearly and pray for often that she will come to know the Lord. I just opened my mouth one day when it felt "right" and asked her if she knew about the bible, what it said, what she believed, if she believed in God, if she was afraid of being wrong, that God sent His son to die for our sins b/c of love...Let me tell ya, she is smart and she had alot of defense and alot of questions that left me standing there with a big old "DUH......". I had no clue!!!
I had no clue how to "defend" God, how to convince her, I drove home feeling like a complete failure and beating myself up b/c "I blew it". THAT my friends is where satan will plan his attack and play with my emotions. THAT was step one in realizing that 1. I can't make her believe 2. I don't need to defend and prove that I am right 3. Its NOT about me, its about God and God must choose her and move her with His Holy Spirit on His timing, not mine, no matter how much I love and care for her. It brought up topics of study for me about (the holy spirit, elect, O.T believers vs N.T, faith...) I realized that its good to question my faith b/c it helps me grow.....It DID show me that if I want to claim Jesus and talk about Him like I know him, How can I if I am not daily in His word and read what He has told me. It DID give me questions in my own faith and show me that I needed to go back to the bible and find my answers and there is nothing wrong with that. I will NEVER have all the answers nor will I try to believe or act like I do b/c I don't. I am an infant in this whole relationship with God but I am willing to grow, I am willing to try, I want to try, I want to be a better person b/c of Him.
2nd one: An alcholic at the park. YUP....Me and Luke, by ourselves and one other person (elderly lady walking around the lake). I pass her, she stops me to ask if I saw the guy. Yes, I did. She told me that he fell backwards while sitting at the table. I asked if she checked on him? No. Well, I will. I go to him, laying on the floor, legs still up on the seat, hes breathing...."sir?" Eyes open. "are you ok, do you need help, do you want me to call someone for you?" He says, You must believe in Jesus. I look at him in a shocked stare... and said, "well, yes I do love Jesus and I care about you and want to make sure you are ok." Thats when he asked me to pray for him. I have NEVER prayed for a stranger. Never. I don't even like praying out loud and I used to get nervous...I just let God take over. I kneeled down and held his hand and prayed for him. I have no idea what I said, I was praying on top of praying that God would fill me with his Spirit and his words :) When finished he said, will you tell me some scripture? There it was again a bid old "DUH.......". I couldn't think of ANYTHING!!!!! Whats wrong with me!! I talked to him for a good 1/2 hr, and yes, I called the cops but that was only to give him a ride b/c I didn't want to take him home myself like he asked and he would have never made it there alone. The cop swore to me that he would bring him home, he was doing no harm, I just wanted him to get home. Jeff, if you read this someday, I hope you now know the Lord loves you, alcohol and all, we all have our sins and He can help you be redeemed. I hope I see you someday on "the voice". (Yup, the tv show...took me awhile to figure that out, I don't watch it but steve does and I told him to watch out for Jeff) :)
Again, I went home thinking, what an idiot....I blew it! I had the chance, I couldn't think of ONE verse and now a million are popping into my head!!! Again, I had to sit back and reflect....Satan wants me to feel bad, He wants me to think that I can't witness, but I can. I can love others, I can be who I am, where I am and still witness thru the actions of my life. Its not always about doing but being. I want to "do" b/c I love God so much and want others to learn from what mistakes I have gone through and hopefully show them that life with Christ is so much greater and life on earth is so short....
My list of books on my shelf has grown in the past few months to so many, seriously.... I will never get to them all over the summer but I can't wait to jump in. This is coming from someone who HATES TO READ!!!!
1. Confessions of a raging perfectionist (so far, I am in LOVE with this book...trying to find worth in lists/to-dos/image/things, total type A. I think if most women would admit, we all have a part of us that wants everything to be perfect and under OUR control. The problem is, nothing will ever be perfect and we are never in control as hard as you try. There will ALWAYS be a bigger, better, more organized, beautiful home. There will ALWAYS be a prettier woman than you. There will ALWAYS be someone who runs faster than you, kids better than you.....Quit working towards an unattainable goal. Life will NEVER be perfect. Learn to let go!!!)
2. Who do you think you are? (Until you know WHO's you are, you will never know WHO you are....you will continue to pursue and chase after a life full of things and people to make you happy....guess what? ALL will fail....All but One.) What a great series!!! Check out Marshill.com and Mark Driscoll and find awesome videos, sermons...
3. No more perfect moms (Believe it or not but yes I am leading a bible study this summer every friday at different parks with any mom that wants too) This book is easy and fun and real and true. I was that mom that wanted the perfect family, the perfect kids, the perfect body....SUPRISE they are all un attainable!!! No one is perfect and I don't want to act like I am, I am who I am, the way God made me and I find incredible freedom from it. God loves me mistakes, wrinkles and rolls, problems, and all. There is nothing that drives me more crazy than FAKE people. DRIVES ME CRAZY!!!! Who do you think you are kidding? Hypocrits. You want Money? Go ahead, have it. You work out 2 hrs a day, Great! Your kids have straight A's and go to Christian school? Great! You see a beautiful woman, skinnier than you, prettier hair than you, Great!! Why get so bent out of shape about it? Does that mean you have to hate them? Its about the heart people....Its about God, and you. No one else. Do you really think that in the end you are going to care?
Do you ever find people on their death bed saying...."can you go see how much money I have in the bank? Are you sure my car is parked in the back row where no one will ding the doors and everyone can see it? Do you think this outfit makes my butt look big?"
4. Grace walk (being shipped right now, sister says "must read")
5. Unglued (just entered...My favorite all time author Lysa b/c again she is real!! We have problems, we all do, embrace them and claim freedom b/c God wants so much more and planned our lives for so much more, Who knows what He has planned for us! Does the mommy monster come out in my house? Yup. Do I yell at my kids and then feel bad about it? Yup. But I am not alone...God knows and understands and most of the time I have something to learn thru the whole situation if I am willing to admit it.
6. God empowered wife- Haven't started....Think this is going to be a good one...Came across it who knows where. I read the line "The problem is not that I expect too much from my husband but that I expect too little, therefore not giving him the respect and appreciate he deserves". Ooouch!!! That one hurt. Because its true!! At least for me. I don't know anyone out there that wouldn't like to improve your marriage or be a better wife, its the 2nd most important relationship, do I treat him that way? I love the book Sacred marriage b/c like this book, its not just about being a better wife, Its about becoming a servant and living a life for Christ THRU my marriage.
7. David Platts- Radical and videos/sermons on YouTube. Man this guy has passion and I love it!! Will I be a radical? Probably not going out all over the world and selling all I have and living in a box....could I live with much less, absolutely. We are spoiled americans. We don't know what sacrifice is or means b/c we don't have too! Pride, Humility, and selfishness...Root of all sin for me. I want to constantly deny Self and claim Him.
There are a MILLION ways to grow if you really want too....The internet can be a beautiful thing!
So much to do, so much to see, so much life to live...maybe....You know, I like lists. But like I just read in one of my books :) the problem is not my lists. The problem is the significance I put on those lists. If I do them, I feel good, I feel worth something, I feel loved....If I don't do them, I feel bad, say I am no good, unworthy....I do NOT want to be that way and I want to continue to grow and let go. I am learning to let go of the lists. I am praying that God slows me down so that I enjoy my little bundles at home b/c I am going to blink and they will be gone. I am learning that my list doesn't bring me my worth....what I get done or don't get done doesn't make me any better of a person. Someone said to me once "Say you have a chart of "chores" at home and Karlie does them all, and Luke doesn't. One day Luke is in the yard and a dog attacks him, what are you going to do and why? your going to run and save him right? Your gonna do it b/c you love him right? But he didn't do anything....so? Does that make my love for him less? No. Does that make me love Karlie more? No. So it is with our awesome father....I am his kid! God loves me, God knows my heart and I am so glad that I can do all things Thru Christ, but also according to His will, not mine. :) Thank the Lord for that!!!
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Our Family Georgia Trip 2013
So we decided to go to Savannah GA to see Aunt Angie, Devon and Carson, and Uncle Mark too :) They have been stationed there for 2 years and we still haven't gone there to see them!!! I had surgery, we bought our new house, just didn't have any money to go....But they got their next location to ALASKA and will only be in GA for 3 more months. We packed up the van and went the week of Spring Break.
Our first problem was traffic. Lots of traffic. I have NEVER traveled during spring break, maybe when in high school but not with children. BIG difference. I probably will never travel on spring break again, does everyone in the upper states leave? I didn't think it was gonna be a big deal, guess I was wrong. I was playing in the back with the kids and pulled up my map on my phone and noticed Steve was going a completely different way than I had planned. COMMUNICATION would be good here. You would think I would know that now after 10 years. Guess the map I had made that was BIG with highlighted roads didn't get seen by him.... So we are now over 2 hours off track heading in a different direction. We travel for over 10 hours on day one and make it 1/2 way. Booked a hotel on priceline, found out it has no pool...Kids are devastated. Thankfully I got out of it, but it took a long call and was a fight. Kids were doing great and thought it was the best thing ever! They were sooooo excited to see mountains and springs come out of them. I had surprise gift bags they got to open ever 2 hours to help with the trip and make it exciting, each filled with markers,crayons, books, crafts, candy, cars..... PEFECT and I will definitely do that again if we ever drive again, they looked forward to it.
I got sick the day we left. Sore throat, ears plugged, TIRED, cough. Then Karlie got sick 1/2 into the week, temp 103, lasted 2 days, then Steve got stung by a bug and his ear swelled up and he didn't feel good and was down and out for an entire day, then on the day we leave, Luke got the flu. I say flu b/c it was coming out BOTH ends and we were trying to yes...drive home. 4 hours into the trip he throws up all over the van, all over the sleeping bags, pillows, blankets, windows, carseats....Steve and I are yelling at each other, hes telling me to get a bucket (where, my butt? we are in the van!) I wanted him to pull over a long time ago but NOoooooo, we need to keep going. I thought he wanted to "take his time" traveling and sight see, no rush, no travel agenda.....This also changed, he was petal to the metal and his only one mission was to get from A to B as fast as possible. So we had to stop at the laundry mat and wash and dry all, clean the van...yup, another 2 hours gone.
The day we decided to do the trolley tour was raining. Aunt Angie gives us the directions to the trolley spot to go...we pull up in the hood, its the garage for STORING the trolleys, no tickets, no boarding. we finally find the spot and I (trying to save money and be $ conscious, I swear I don't know why I try b/c I am TERRIBLE at it.) ask if it is cheaper to buy the tickets on line? Yup....so, I go on my phone and buy the tickets. Go to the desk, he starts laughing...sorry lady but that isn't for this place, its down the road. Oh my! I got the look of DEATH from my husband. So we get back in the van and find the place I did buy the tickets from. Then we are off. Can't see anything out the windows b/c they are steamed from the rain and people. Get off at a stop, THIS is where they trick ya....telling you that every 20 minutes a trolley will come. What they don't tell you is that if its full, you have to wait another 20, and if that ones full you wait another 20....And then when mom goes to get her tickets, they are gone. They fell out of my bag. Can't get on....Go back and re-route my steps and ask the guy in the store, he thinks I am crazy, keep looking and I FIND them on the floor!!! Thank you LORD!!!!! Get on the trolley...If this one is full, I am going to turn into the mommy monster and they are gonna hear it b/c I am losing it!!! We paid how much for this? Kids are whining, they want to go home, this "isn't that much fun" says Karlie. Go to the van and don't see much.
Head for home, get to first hotel, again, this is at 10 pm, our goal was 6pm, b/c we spent 2 hours in a laundry mat washing puke...we sleep, and head for the van. Then there is Karlies hermit crab on the seat....DEAD....She starts crying. We forgot hermie in the car, he can't get under 65 degrees, it was 40 that night. It was just as much steves fault b/c I can't remember everything!!!!!!!!!!!!
We had to drug Luke to get him to sleep b/c he was moaning and crying with his stomach, we didn't know how we were EVER going to get home. Needless to say, SOMEDAY Lord, I said, I will laugh about this and think of this disaster and miss the memories, but NOT right now. I still feel sick, still have a cough, still can't hear....everyone got sick, whatever could go wrong did.....This is making me crazy!!!! :) We have a saying that goes "IF it can happen to the Jongsma's it WILL".
BUT over all I have to say, there were ways to look to the good in every situation. I got to be with my sister and i have no idea when I will again....I got to spend time with the boys, play cards and games with family, the kids had a great time playing and had a ball, went in pools swimming, to the beach,...No we didn't get to see alot of stuff but that wasn't my plan, I just wanted to be with family and I was. We had a great ride down there, the kids kept saying "this is awesome, this is amazing, this is so much fun!!!" When you are little, the little things mean soooooo much more to you and you can find complete joy in anything, they reminded me of that. We got to see God's beauty, we witnessed 13 baptisms by submersion at angie and marks awesome church service EASTER morning and feel the amazing power of the holy spirit. We got to feel the warmth and the sun. Trust me, I am glad to be home, but I am also glad that we had the many experiences....
Leads me with this thought, my mom gave it to me on my bible bookmark:
IF YOU WANT RAINBOWS, YOU GOTTA HAVE RAIN
In a perfect world, everything would always go right ,and life would be filled with sweet, warm and fuzzy feelings. But how would we know if things were good if we had no comparison? Without darkness and trials would we appreciate the light? Seems to me if we want rainbows and blessings we gotta have rain. The trick is to look for the good in every situation. So go on, find some puddles and play in the rain!!!
Our first problem was traffic. Lots of traffic. I have NEVER traveled during spring break, maybe when in high school but not with children. BIG difference. I probably will never travel on spring break again, does everyone in the upper states leave? I didn't think it was gonna be a big deal, guess I was wrong. I was playing in the back with the kids and pulled up my map on my phone and noticed Steve was going a completely different way than I had planned. COMMUNICATION would be good here. You would think I would know that now after 10 years. Guess the map I had made that was BIG with highlighted roads didn't get seen by him.... So we are now over 2 hours off track heading in a different direction. We travel for over 10 hours on day one and make it 1/2 way. Booked a hotel on priceline, found out it has no pool...Kids are devastated. Thankfully I got out of it, but it took a long call and was a fight. Kids were doing great and thought it was the best thing ever! They were sooooo excited to see mountains and springs come out of them. I had surprise gift bags they got to open ever 2 hours to help with the trip and make it exciting, each filled with markers,crayons, books, crafts, candy, cars..... PEFECT and I will definitely do that again if we ever drive again, they looked forward to it.
I got sick the day we left. Sore throat, ears plugged, TIRED, cough. Then Karlie got sick 1/2 into the week, temp 103, lasted 2 days, then Steve got stung by a bug and his ear swelled up and he didn't feel good and was down and out for an entire day, then on the day we leave, Luke got the flu. I say flu b/c it was coming out BOTH ends and we were trying to yes...drive home. 4 hours into the trip he throws up all over the van, all over the sleeping bags, pillows, blankets, windows, carseats....Steve and I are yelling at each other, hes telling me to get a bucket (where, my butt? we are in the van!) I wanted him to pull over a long time ago but NOoooooo, we need to keep going. I thought he wanted to "take his time" traveling and sight see, no rush, no travel agenda.....This also changed, he was petal to the metal and his only one mission was to get from A to B as fast as possible. So we had to stop at the laundry mat and wash and dry all, clean the van...yup, another 2 hours gone.
The day we decided to do the trolley tour was raining. Aunt Angie gives us the directions to the trolley spot to go...we pull up in the hood, its the garage for STORING the trolleys, no tickets, no boarding. we finally find the spot and I (trying to save money and be $ conscious, I swear I don't know why I try b/c I am TERRIBLE at it.) ask if it is cheaper to buy the tickets on line? Yup....so, I go on my phone and buy the tickets. Go to the desk, he starts laughing...sorry lady but that isn't for this place, its down the road. Oh my! I got the look of DEATH from my husband. So we get back in the van and find the place I did buy the tickets from. Then we are off. Can't see anything out the windows b/c they are steamed from the rain and people. Get off at a stop, THIS is where they trick ya....telling you that every 20 minutes a trolley will come. What they don't tell you is that if its full, you have to wait another 20, and if that ones full you wait another 20....And then when mom goes to get her tickets, they are gone. They fell out of my bag. Can't get on....Go back and re-route my steps and ask the guy in the store, he thinks I am crazy, keep looking and I FIND them on the floor!!! Thank you LORD!!!!! Get on the trolley...If this one is full, I am going to turn into the mommy monster and they are gonna hear it b/c I am losing it!!! We paid how much for this? Kids are whining, they want to go home, this "isn't that much fun" says Karlie. Go to the van and don't see much.
Head for home, get to first hotel, again, this is at 10 pm, our goal was 6pm, b/c we spent 2 hours in a laundry mat washing puke...we sleep, and head for the van. Then there is Karlies hermit crab on the seat....DEAD....She starts crying. We forgot hermie in the car, he can't get under 65 degrees, it was 40 that night. It was just as much steves fault b/c I can't remember everything!!!!!!!!!!!!
We had to drug Luke to get him to sleep b/c he was moaning and crying with his stomach, we didn't know how we were EVER going to get home. Needless to say, SOMEDAY Lord, I said, I will laugh about this and think of this disaster and miss the memories, but NOT right now. I still feel sick, still have a cough, still can't hear....everyone got sick, whatever could go wrong did.....This is making me crazy!!!! :) We have a saying that goes "IF it can happen to the Jongsma's it WILL".
BUT over all I have to say, there were ways to look to the good in every situation. I got to be with my sister and i have no idea when I will again....I got to spend time with the boys, play cards and games with family, the kids had a great time playing and had a ball, went in pools swimming, to the beach,...No we didn't get to see alot of stuff but that wasn't my plan, I just wanted to be with family and I was. We had a great ride down there, the kids kept saying "this is awesome, this is amazing, this is so much fun!!!" When you are little, the little things mean soooooo much more to you and you can find complete joy in anything, they reminded me of that. We got to see God's beauty, we witnessed 13 baptisms by submersion at angie and marks awesome church service EASTER morning and feel the amazing power of the holy spirit. We got to feel the warmth and the sun. Trust me, I am glad to be home, but I am also glad that we had the many experiences....
Leads me with this thought, my mom gave it to me on my bible bookmark:
IF YOU WANT RAINBOWS, YOU GOTTA HAVE RAIN
In a perfect world, everything would always go right ,and life would be filled with sweet, warm and fuzzy feelings. But how would we know if things were good if we had no comparison? Without darkness and trials would we appreciate the light? Seems to me if we want rainbows and blessings we gotta have rain. The trick is to look for the good in every situation. So go on, find some puddles and play in the rain!!!
Saturday, March 23, 2013
The Planner
Ya I will admit that I am pretty ADD, I have moments of ADHD, or OCD whatever you want to call it, type-A, planner.....you know the type. But I really honestly think that it is starting to change....and I am LOVING it!!!! Call it growth, getting old, maturity, as my walk with the Lord gets stronger, as I cling to Him more and more, and say goodbye to self, life seems to be changing greatly, in more ways than I can even recall over the past few months....I really wish that I would have started a list, (there's my OCD showing again) ;) or journal the ways that the Lord has been working b/c I just love sitting back and looking with awe at the hand of the Lord in visible and tangible ways. So often I think that I know what is best for our lives, the way I want things to go, and yet God's ways have ALWAYS proven to me that His ways are sooooo much better. I don't want to plan anymore. I haven't been planning anything! Don't tell my husband, he would probably fall off his chair dead.
I guess b/c the more I realize, who cares, the less I care....maybe thats a bad thing? BUT I see the good in it too in many more ways. Started with bible study....Will I be a leader again? I couldn't say. I can say yes, no....I don't know what lies ahead for my life. I am starting to just live one day at a time. Steve and I decided to keep Luke home next year (not homeschooling!!!) but 3 full days of kindergarten rather than every day. Karlie did every day all day, but with Luke its different. He's my last little one, he doesn't like school as much as Karlie, and he wants to stay home too. What are my priorities? I am allowing God to run them now instead of me and I am just loving it!!! Its been soooooo freeing, I greatly encourage you to do the same, and let GOD steer my life and not yourself. When I try, it only makes things worse. When I give the reigns to Him, it makes it better. Hello??? Why wouldn't I do this. B/c I am type A, ADD, OCD, and stubborn, trying to steer my own life, I have to be in control, women have to do it all, I have to be the everything for everyone else. But I don't want too anymore. I tried steering my own life 5 years ago and thought I was doing it fine, but I was miserable....God led me thru situations that I was brought to the bottom of all life, and I lifted my hands and said "ok Lord, take this from me, I give my all to you, I can't do life without You. I have been trying and I am miserable." That was the first step....I said all. I didn't let go of all....It is an every day, process, every single minute surrender.
Maybe you can relate. I make lists, plan my week, plan my day....I got this and that to do....BAM, Luke gets sick, Karlie, Steve needs me to do something else, I get a flat tire (ok, so this has never happened) but the whole point is, I would get mad, frustrated, that I didn't get to do what I wanted to do, and then I would take it out on everyone else. Selfishness it what it comes down too. Instead, I am now choosing to make "general" agenda's but if something comes up, my sister calls for coffee or a great friend, someone needs a meal or my son gets sick for 5 days, I don't care, I choose to say "thank you Lord" for slowing my life down, for interrupting my schedule, my plan to take an opportunity to see you and see what YOU have planned for my life. It goes so much better!!! Problems will always arise, kids will always get sick, there will always be laundry to do, groceries to get, but instead of getting upset that they don't get done on Lisa's schedule and timeline, its ok. Let go and let God....Its just that simple. :)
I guess b/c the more I realize, who cares, the less I care....maybe thats a bad thing? BUT I see the good in it too in many more ways. Started with bible study....Will I be a leader again? I couldn't say. I can say yes, no....I don't know what lies ahead for my life. I am starting to just live one day at a time. Steve and I decided to keep Luke home next year (not homeschooling!!!) but 3 full days of kindergarten rather than every day. Karlie did every day all day, but with Luke its different. He's my last little one, he doesn't like school as much as Karlie, and he wants to stay home too. What are my priorities? I am allowing God to run them now instead of me and I am just loving it!!! Its been soooooo freeing, I greatly encourage you to do the same, and let GOD steer my life and not yourself. When I try, it only makes things worse. When I give the reigns to Him, it makes it better. Hello??? Why wouldn't I do this. B/c I am type A, ADD, OCD, and stubborn, trying to steer my own life, I have to be in control, women have to do it all, I have to be the everything for everyone else. But I don't want too anymore. I tried steering my own life 5 years ago and thought I was doing it fine, but I was miserable....God led me thru situations that I was brought to the bottom of all life, and I lifted my hands and said "ok Lord, take this from me, I give my all to you, I can't do life without You. I have been trying and I am miserable." That was the first step....I said all. I didn't let go of all....It is an every day, process, every single minute surrender.
Maybe you can relate. I make lists, plan my week, plan my day....I got this and that to do....BAM, Luke gets sick, Karlie, Steve needs me to do something else, I get a flat tire (ok, so this has never happened) but the whole point is, I would get mad, frustrated, that I didn't get to do what I wanted to do, and then I would take it out on everyone else. Selfishness it what it comes down too. Instead, I am now choosing to make "general" agenda's but if something comes up, my sister calls for coffee or a great friend, someone needs a meal or my son gets sick for 5 days, I don't care, I choose to say "thank you Lord" for slowing my life down, for interrupting my schedule, my plan to take an opportunity to see you and see what YOU have planned for my life. It goes so much better!!! Problems will always arise, kids will always get sick, there will always be laundry to do, groceries to get, but instead of getting upset that they don't get done on Lisa's schedule and timeline, its ok. Let go and let God....Its just that simple. :)
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