Sometimes I look at my little Lukester and wonder if he will ever know all that I have gone through after bringing his precious life into this world. Not that it was his fault, but I don't think many women out there honestly think about all of the things that could and can go wrong during delivery.
I definitely know that my Dr.'s should have taken my children by C-section. My body was not made to deliver babies. I LOVED being pregnant but when it came to deliver for Luke I was petrified. I remember crying on several occasions sitting in the Dr's office b/c I was so traumatized by the delivery of Karlie and feared going through it again or having something bad happen agian. Shoot, after only 45 minutes of pushing this time I thought it was a breeze....Little did I know that I wouldn't be walking for 2 weeks due to a seperated Pelvis and broken tailbone, and that my abdominal muscles were so ripped apart that anyone could put their fists inbetween them and that I would still be dealing with traumatic health issues over one year later! OH what children do to some mothers bodies. I unfortunately wasn't one of the blessed. But just looking into those blue eyes full of wonder, I couldn't imagine life without him. He is my little buddy. He has filled the empty space in my heart that I never even knew was missing until my Luke!
I definitely know that my Dr.'s should have taken my children by C-section. My body was not made to deliver babies. I LOVED being pregnant but when it came to deliver for Luke I was petrified. I remember crying on several occasions sitting in the Dr's office b/c I was so traumatized by the delivery of Karlie and feared going through it again or having something bad happen agian. Shoot, after only 45 minutes of pushing this time I thought it was a breeze....Little did I know that I wouldn't be walking for 2 weeks due to a seperated Pelvis and broken tailbone, and that my abdominal muscles were so ripped apart that anyone could put their fists inbetween them and that I would still be dealing with traumatic health issues over one year later! OH what children do to some mothers bodies. I unfortunately wasn't one of the blessed. But just looking into those blue eyes full of wonder, I couldn't imagine life without him. He is my little buddy. He has filled the empty space in my heart that I never even knew was missing until my Luke!Today I had my 2nd MRI for my Gallbladder and Pancrease. On Tuesday I get to meet my Hematologist (finally! and hopefully some answers to the "why" this happened) and on Friday I head off to U of M to meet my surgeon and discuss what I need to do now to take care of "what" has happened. I am scared. I am relived so far to know that I don't have cancer, but I am still not in the clear. The reasons why: 1. Liver failure (which I don't have) 2. Cancer 3. Trauma to the body=Pregnancy........In the weeks ahead I think we will be finding out the answer.
Tonight, I thank the Lord for my 2 beautiful children that mean the world to me. I was told and thought I never would have children....and just look at them today! Dr's I showed you wrong!!! They are my miracles from the good Lord above. He has blessed me in so many ways and I can't imagine my life without them. I thank God all the time for blessing me with the ability to have children and the chance of re-living life through their eyes. I just wish I could freeze time and hold them in my arms forever, their so sweet, innocent, small, and they Love me! I love you Karlie, and I love you Luke!
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