Our Family Georgia Trip 2013

So we decided to go to Savannah GA to see Aunt Angie, Devon and Carson, and Uncle Mark too :)  They have been stationed there for 2 years and we still haven't gone there to see them!!!  I had surgery, we bought our new house, just didn't have any money to go....But they got their next location to ALASKA and will only be in GA for 3 more months.  We packed up the van and went the week of Spring Break.

Our first problem was traffic.  Lots of traffic.  I have NEVER traveled during spring break, maybe when in high school but not with children.  BIG difference. I probably will never travel on spring break again, does everyone in the upper states leave?  I didn't think it was gonna be a big deal, guess I was wrong.  I was playing in the back with the kids and pulled up my map on my phone and noticed Steve was going a completely different way than I had planned.  COMMUNICATION would be good here.  You would think I would know that now after 10 years. Guess the map I had made that was BIG with highlighted roads didn't get seen by him....  So we are now over 2 hours off track heading in a different direction.  We travel for over 10 hours on day one and make it 1/2 way. Booked a hotel on priceline, found out it has no pool...Kids are devastated.  Thankfully I got out of it, but it took a long call and was a fight. Kids were doing great and thought it was the best thing ever!  They were sooooo excited to see mountains and springs come out of them.  I had surprise gift bags they got to open ever 2 hours to help with the trip and make it exciting, each filled with markers,crayons, books, crafts, candy, cars..... PEFECT and I will definitely do that again if we ever drive again, they looked forward to it.

I got sick the day we left.  Sore throat, ears plugged, TIRED, cough.  Then Karlie got sick 1/2 into the week, temp 103, lasted 2 days, then Steve got stung by a bug and his ear swelled up and he didn't feel good and was down and out for an entire day, then on the day we leave, Luke got the flu.  I say flu b/c it was coming out BOTH ends and we were trying to yes...drive home.  4 hours into the trip he throws up all over the van, all over the sleeping bags, pillows, blankets, windows, carseats....Steve and I are yelling at each other, hes telling me to get a bucket (where, my butt? we are in the van!) I wanted him to pull over a long time ago but NOoooooo, we need to keep going.  I thought he wanted to "take his time" traveling and sight see, no rush, no travel agenda.....This also changed, he was petal to the metal and his only one mission was to get from A to B as fast as possible.  So we had to stop at the laundry mat and wash and dry all, clean the van...yup, another 2 hours gone.

The day we decided to do the trolley tour was raining.  Aunt Angie gives us the directions to the trolley spot to go...we pull up in the hood, its the garage for STORING the trolleys, no tickets, no boarding.  we finally find the spot and I (trying to save money and be $ conscious, I swear I don't know why I try b/c I am TERRIBLE at it.) ask if it is cheaper to buy the tickets on line? Yup....so, I go on my phone and buy the tickets.  Go to the desk, he starts laughing...sorry lady but that isn't for this place, its down the road.  Oh my! I got the look of DEATH from my husband.  So we get back in the van and find the place I did buy the tickets from.  Then we are off.  Can't see anything out the windows b/c they are steamed from the rain and people.  Get off at a stop, THIS is where they trick ya....telling you that every 20 minutes a trolley will come.  What they don't tell you is that if its full, you have to wait another 20, and if that ones full you wait another 20....And then when mom goes to get her tickets, they are gone.  They fell out of my bag.  Can't get on....Go back and re-route my steps and ask the guy in the store, he thinks I am crazy, keep looking and I FIND them on the floor!!! Thank you LORD!!!!!  Get on the trolley...If this one is full, I am going to turn into the mommy monster and they are gonna hear it b/c I am losing it!!! We paid how much for this?  Kids are whining, they want to go home, this "isn't that much fun" says Karlie.  Go to the van and don't see much.

Head for home, get to first hotel, again, this is at 10 pm, our goal was 6pm, b/c we spent 2 hours in a laundry mat washing puke...we sleep, and head for the van.  Then there is Karlies hermit crab on the seat....DEAD....She starts crying.  We forgot hermie in the car, he can't get under 65 degrees, it was 40 that night.  It was just as much steves fault b/c I can't remember everything!!!!!!!!!!!! 

We had to drug Luke to get him to sleep b/c he was moaning and crying with his stomach, we didn't know how we were EVER going to get home.  Needless to say, SOMEDAY Lord, I said, I will laugh about this and think of this disaster and miss the memories, but NOT right now.  I still feel sick, still have a cough, still can't hear....everyone got sick, whatever could go wrong did.....This is making me crazy!!!! :)  We have a saying that goes "IF it can happen to the Jongsma's it WILL". 

BUT over all I have to say, there were ways to look to the good in every situation.  I got to be with my sister and i have no idea when I will again....I got to spend time with the boys, play cards and games with family, the kids had a great time playing and had a ball, went in pools swimming, to the beach,...No we didn't get to see alot of stuff but that wasn't my plan, I just wanted to be with family and I was.  We had a great ride down there, the kids kept saying "this is awesome, this is amazing, this is so much fun!!!"  When you are little, the little things mean soooooo much more to you and you can find complete joy in anything, they reminded me of that.  We got to see God's beauty, we witnessed 13 baptisms by submersion at angie and marks awesome church service EASTER morning and feel the amazing power of the holy spirit.  We got to feel the warmth and the sun.  Trust me, I am glad to be home, but I am also glad that we had the many experiences....

Leads me with this thought, my mom gave it to me on my bible bookmark:

IF YOU WANT RAINBOWS, YOU GOTTA HAVE RAIN
In a perfect world, everything would always go right ,and life would be filled with sweet, warm and fuzzy feelings.  But how would we know if things were good if we had no comparison?  Without darkness and trials would we appreciate the light?  Seems to me if we want rainbows and blessings we gotta have rain.  The trick is to look for the good in every situation.  So go on, find some puddles and play in the rain!!!

The Planner

Ya I will admit that I am pretty ADD, I have moments of ADHD, or OCD whatever you want to call it, type-A, planner.....you know the type.  But I really honestly think that it is starting to change....and I am LOVING it!!!! Call it growth, getting old, maturity, as my walk with the Lord gets stronger, as I cling to Him more and more, and say goodbye to self, life seems to be changing greatly, in more ways than I can even recall over the past few months....I really wish that I would have started a list, (there's my OCD showing again) ;) or journal the ways that the Lord has been working b/c I just love sitting back and looking with awe at the hand of the Lord in visible and tangible ways.  So often I think that I know what is best for our lives, the way I want things to go, and yet God's ways have ALWAYS proven to me that His ways are sooooo much better.  I don't want to plan anymore.  I haven't been planning anything!  Don't tell my husband, he would probably fall off his chair dead.

I guess b/c the more I realize, who cares, the less I care....maybe thats a bad thing?  BUT I see the good in it too in many more ways.  Started with bible study....Will I be a leader again?  I couldn't say.  I can say yes, no....I don't know what lies ahead for my life.  I am starting to just live one day at a time.  Steve and I decided to keep Luke home next year (not homeschooling!!!) but 3 full days of kindergarten rather than every day.  Karlie did every day all day, but with Luke its different.  He's my last little one, he doesn't like school as much as Karlie, and he wants to stay home too.  What are my priorities?  I am allowing God to run them now instead of me and I am just loving it!!! Its been soooooo freeing, I greatly encourage you to do the same, and let GOD steer my life and not yourself.  When I try, it only makes things worse.  When I give the reigns to Him, it makes it better.  Hello???  Why wouldn't I do this.  B/c I am type A, ADD, OCD, and stubborn, trying to steer my own life, I have to be in control, women have to do it all, I have to be the everything for everyone else.  But I don't want too anymore.  I tried steering my own life 5 years ago and thought I was doing it fine, but I was miserable....God led me thru situations that I was brought to the bottom of all life, and I lifted my hands and said "ok Lord, take this from me, I give my all to you, I can't do life without You.  I have been trying and I am miserable."  That was the first step....I said all.  I didn't let go of all....It is an every day, process, every single minute surrender.

Maybe you can relate.  I make lists, plan my week, plan my day....I got this and that to do....BAM, Luke gets sick, Karlie, Steve needs me to do something else, I get a flat tire (ok, so this has never happened) but the whole point is, I would get mad, frustrated, that I didn't get to do what I wanted to do, and then I would take it out on everyone else.  Selfishness it what it comes down too.  Instead, I am now choosing to make "general" agenda's but if something comes up, my sister calls for coffee or a great friend, someone needs a meal or my son gets sick for 5 days, I don't care, I choose to say "thank you Lord" for slowing my life down, for interrupting my schedule, my plan to take an opportunity to see you and see what YOU have planned for my life.  It goes so much better!!!  Problems will always arise, kids will always get sick, there will always be laundry to do, groceries to get, but instead of getting upset that they don't get done on Lisa's schedule and timeline, its ok.  Let go and let God....Its just that simple.  :)

pics of Dads hospital stay

                                                       "Great is the Lords faithfulness"

                         I love my family and thank God for blessing me with them!!! Each and every one!

Cause or Allow? It doesn't matter, IT is finished.

Oh the question that has been weighing on my heart for years, cause or allow....Does God cause bad things to happen or allow them?  I know can see that it really doesn't matter what the answer is to that question b/c ultimately GOD has a meticulous plan that only He has designed and His ways are not mine, His thought are not mine, and as long as He knows the end, it doesn't matter to Lisa, I must simply follow and grow. 

We are studying Ruth in Bible Study right now and what an amazing book in the bible, the short 4 chapters have SOOOOO much detail that it is absolutely mind boggling.  How on earth a person can not see how the bible relates to "real life/today situations" is beyond me b/c at any time, certain pieces of the bible can become alive and speak to me, my situation, my life, Gods will for me.  Like someone said, How can I know what God's will for me is and live a life for Christ if I never read the bible?  His amazing plan of bringing Ruth and Naomi widowed, back to their homeland, to meet Boaz, who in turn marries Ruth which ultimately leads to the line of Jesus....By chance?  There is NO way anyone but God could think of a plan and have the events happen like they did, to all point us to the life of Christ that wasn't even going to take place for many years and lifetimes to come!!!  Do you think Ruth could have ever imagined that her lineage would lead to the Birth of a Lord?  I just love the saying "God loves to make a somebody out of a no body''  He used her and he can use us according to His ultimate will and plan.

Have you ever looked back on your life and shook your head in disbelief at the circumstances and events that lead you to the life you are living today and see Gods hand all along the way?  I sure have and can!!! Its so important to take time to reflect and see Gods hand and give Him the praise that even tho we like Ruth, couldn't see all that the future had in store for her life, He was always there and she simply obeyed and followed and He lead her to such a beautiful place and promise.  God can and will do that for us too!!  Like my proverbs 31 devotion today, he uses events and trials to come into our lives to refine us to make us into what HE wants us to be, to teach us things that we never may have known before.  I have NO doubt that God had a plan for me and still does....Even when I struggle to understand what it is, I know He loves me and He wants me to become all He wants Lisa to be.  Not someone else.  Lisa.  I can't wait to teach that to my kids and have them trust the events in their own little lives b/c God always knows and He is always there with a great plan.  I always tell them, Mom loves you soooooo much.  Luke says, Yup, but someone else loves me more.  I have to say: who? He smiles and says, God.  You got it Luke!!!  Always, always remember that.  Sometimes the path is hard, sometimes easy, but we must always stay in His will and Not Lisa's.  Oh man, that only leads to disaster!!!

For the past 6 weeks my family has been sent thru a deep valley and great trial....Wednesday January 23 I got a call from my mom while at work, and she said that dad was very bad that he was brought by ambulance to Spectrum with severe back pain.  He has been having struggles ALL year long so this didn't surprise me, but it made me very worried.  I finished work (even tho I wanted to leave sooo bad) and came home to find out that dad had gone home too, ER said it was a kidney stone.  Few!  Thats not so bad, so I watched tv and when nothing was on Steve suggested that we turn on Charles Stanley to see what he had to say (no this is NOT a normal occurrence in our home and I almost hit the floor when he asked.  I was so happy!!!) Sure I will!!! (I record all his sermons b/c I love him, he is a pastor on tv, ya, but he is real!) subject "Jesus our prince of PEACE" and how we can always come to Him and that He is the only answer we will ever find in life that can offer that "PEACE".  (remember I am writing the book finding your missing "Peace".  Anyways, it was such a God thing that He lead us to watch it that night b/c only He knew what was about to be coming our way.....

it lead to the morning with a phone call saying that dad had gone back to the hospital and this time they said he did NOT have a kidney stone but that it was a severe case of alcohol withdrawl....Dad had decided to quit drinking which I thank God for, but little did I or anyone in our family know what that would mean or lead into.  20 days later he left the hospital.  20 LONG and hard, scary, life clinging days......He experienced shaking, vomiting, aspiration of his vomit into his lungs which lead to pneumonia, which landed him in the ICU 2xs, which elevated his blood pressure at one point to 245/115 which caused a bleed in his spinal canal and also a bleed in his brain.....I have NEVER in my life seen him in such agony and suffering.  We spent every single day there, taking rounds of the clock, even sleeping with him there so that someone knew what was going on and what to do.  we were left with so many questions and unmet answers....The only thing we could do is pray.  And pray.....And pray....and that is when it dawned on me that I was praying selfish prayers (take this pain away, Lord heal my dad, please stop this Lord, please help us, Stop his pain....) I should have been praying instead: Despite this pain and suffering Lord, please reveal to us YOUR will, Your ultimate plan, What are you trying to teach all of us and where do we need to grow?  This has happened for a reason but I am still wondering what it is?  Was it to teach us trust?  Bond us together as a family? We had many laughs, many tears, many stories and quality time spent one on one with our dad hearing stories about his life, army, cars, mom, his brothers and sisters...stories we have NEVER heard and made dad who he is today.  Was it to unite us as a team and shower him with Love? Teach us unconditional love?  Yes we ALL have sin but I can say it doesn't matter b/c i am a sinner too and I love him anyways b/c he is my dad.  Shouldn't I have that unconditional love for everyone even if they are not my dad?  Some people think "sins" are to be ignored or covered up and run from, never talk about them b/c that means you have problems!!! oh my!!! but shouldn't we embrace each other b/c trust me, I have many too and in Gods word, NONE is greater than another.  I am not ashamed and I know that Dad wants to use this to help someone else if it can.  We are still struggling today but we know and have the assurance of Gods love and that He has a plan for all of us....even if we never see why.  I kept clinging to the promises we can find in Him and only in Him.  That missing peace that can only come from Christ.  It seemed that every time the radio would be on, it was a song that spoke right to me, right to our situation.  One of my favorite songs during this time and a song that I could picture my dad singing when he got out was:

"I am redeemed"
Seems like all I could see was the struggle
Haunted by ghosts that lived in my past
Bound up in shackles of all my failures
Wondering how long is this gonna last
Then You look at this prisoner and say to me "son
Stop fighting a fight it's already been won"

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, now I'm not who I used to be
I am redeemed, I'm redeemed

All my life I have been called unworthy
Named by the voice of my shame and regret
But when I hear You whisper, "Child lift up your head"
I remember, oh God, You're not done with me yet

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, now I'm not who I used to be

Because I don't have to be the old man inside of me
'Cause his day is long dead and gone
Because I've got a new name, a new life, I'm not the same
And a hope that will carry me home

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, 'cause I'm not who I used to be

Another one "Hold on to the promises"

Sometimes it's hard to keep believing
In what you can't see
That everything happens for a reason
Even the worst life brings
If you're reaching for an answer
And you don't know what to pray
Just open up the pages
Let His word be your strength

And hold on to the promises (Hold tight)
Hold on to the promises (Alright)
Jesus is alive so hold tight
Hold on to the promises

All things work for the good
Of those who love God
He holds back nothing that will heal you
Not even His own Son
His love is everlasting
His faithfulness unending
Oh, if God is for us who can be against us
So if you feel weak

Neither life, nor death
Could separate us
From the eternal love
Of our God who saves us

Aren't those just GREAT songs!!! I love them!!!  They (songs) like the word of God can speak to you differently at every stage of life you are in.  You never know when it is going to be applying to you and the words on the page just jump right out at you and say "Lisa, this is the Lord speaking to you, wake up!!! Listen up!!! Believe and trust in me, I got this." Love God

Thank you so much Lord.  Thank you beyond words could ever say.  Mercy: NOT getting what we deserve and Grace: getting what we DONT deserve!!!  Amen and thank you Jesus!!!

Another year to celebrate

Today I am 36. I cannot believe that. Wow, I really don't like getting old.  I like it b/c I am so much more confident and stable b/c of my growth, and the Lord in my life, but I don't like getting physically old :)  I don't understand why, the older you get, the faster life goes, and its just when you are really starting to figure life out!!! At least for me it is. 

Mark Driscoll has a new series out, Ephesians and its about Who am I?  I have really reflected, studied, and realized what it is that Lisa is today.  First and foremost, a servant of Christ.  I love the Lord with all my heart, mind and soul.  I haven't been a true christian long, and people come to know Christ at all different stages and ages of life, It took me alittle while, but I am learning and growing with Him each and every day.  There is always opportunity to learn and grow in your relationship with Christ and He is my most important relationship b/c without Him I am nothing.

2nd, a Wife to my wonderful husband.  Like any marriage, we have our struggles and we have had some rough moments, but a providential blessing from God when I really didn't take God into consideration, He blessed me with a partner right for Lisa.  I truly believe that God blessed me with my husband and that Steve is exactly the person that I am to be with.  Not only does he make me a better person, He helps me become a better person in Christ.

3rd, a mom to my beautiful kids who teach ME more than I teach them. Isn't that funny? Here parents think that its all about them and about us teaching our kids, but time and time again, my kids have taught me amazing life lessons and again, help me become a better person thru Christ and keep me looking UP and not in. I wish that I could keep them little, I just treasure them so much.  But I realize that this is where my identity cannot be found and that they too will be here just a short while and then off on their own to create a path God has planned for them.  Mom wants to be in control and protect...But I can't.  They are God's and I am only helping Him turn them into the people He has designed.

4th, a servant for my patients. I love my job. This job again is a total blessing from the Lord and again I held NO regard to God when making those decisions 15years ago when I was about to enter the "adult" world.  I did what sounded good to Lisa, what did I think would be good? I had NO CLUE!!!!  Xray program? Sure sounds good.  Check. Thank the Lord and praise Him that He had a plan, He had my life in His hands, and that not a detail was ignored thanks be to God.  Little did I know how providential that decision would be in soooo many ways.  I found great friends for life, we are like family and love and support each other and when you work closely, that is huge.  I also found my 1/2 brother who I had been searching for for 20 years thru Gods ultimate and Divine plan, a patient laying on my table, on a day that I was working, and that God lead me to open up a conversation with only to discover that His brother was also mine....My mom had the great reward and he also of meeting the one that brought him into this world 44 years ago.  I also received the medical knowledge to prepare the path that God would bring me down with my own health. Being such a complicated case and rare disease, I don't know what I would have done without my background and knowledge, the Dr's I know, the nurses to help me, even being allowed to scan myself to get Dr's to finally listen!!! What a blessing!!!  Then to being able to help my patients and love them and serve Christ by serving them.  Going down a struggle with disease and affliction has brought the gap between patient and myself narrower...I can relate, and spread the word of God and how He helped me and can also help them, maybe give them hope when hope doesn't seem possible.

I have realized that its ok to ask God why, its ok to have emotions, feel like you have been forgotten about by God....But that I need to cling to the truths that I now have in Christ.  I have a choice, I can either turn away from God and try to do things on my own which in the past, only leads to disaster and aimless wandering, or I can follow Him and continue to Trust HIS plan and see His faithfulness that He has ALWAYS shown to me even when I didn't see it.  Gods power is made perfect in my weakness.  Life is hard.  I have had a hard life.  I know struggle, sickness, disease, I have clung to deaths door, I have wanted to walk away from a husband I "thought" was the one always wrong and placing him as my savior, I have been afflicted, bruised and lead thru dark valleys, but GOD revealed to me who He was thru this and He was faithful in the past and He will be faithful to come whatever comes my way.  I just LOVE the joy and peace and purpose for Lisa that gives me.  My life has and always will be in His hands.....I can honestly shake my head when I look at the divine plan He had for me when I had no clue who steering.  I thought Lisa was....ha....ya right.  Thank the Lord I wasn't!!!!

Karlie turns 7, Dad turns 40!!!

Celebrating Dad and Karlie's birthday with the Griffins and SanChez. Karlie turning 7 :(

Dad's the big 4-0!!!

Visiting dad for dads birthday and lunch, Luke was sooo excited, I think he thought it was His birthday.

I was selfishly HURT.....by God

Have you ever had a desire to do something in life but never really dared to do it?  Why?  Have you had a dream but thought you weren't good enough, strong enough, brave enough....worried about succeeding or even making it a reality, said maybe tomorrow?  Maybe next year?

I can remember sitting in my counselors office, (yes, I have done the counseling thing and I love it IF IF IF you have the right one it can be incredibly valuable!) at the time I was struggling with my marriage and Steve, I was a second time mom, rather new at the whole thing again, stressed out, trying to figure this whole "life" thing out, and my counselor asked me the question: What is ONE thing that Lisa has really wanted to do but never did? The only thing that I could come up with at the time was run a marathon.  Well, to run a 5k first.  Why hasn't Lisa done that before? hmmmm.....  I had to think about that one back then and I came up with, afraid of failure.  I won't be good enough or be able to do it.

This came up and pressed on my heart with the new year 2013 as I reflected on my life... I am going to fail at being a mom, I am going to fail at being a wife, a friend, everything.  BUT I wasn't always this way. 

I did what my counselor told me to do and started to run.  I LOVED it.  I found a new passion I have never had.  I got sick in 2009 and was given a clean slate of health in 2010.  THIS was going to be the year!!  2010 I am going to run.  I am going to sign up for a 5k and "just do it" as they say.  I told the Lord as I was training that I was going to do it for Him.  I ran miles and miles, felt empowered, close to the Lord, and felt Him in me as I ran.  The day came for me to run my first ever 5k.  I remember like yesterday the feeling that I would NEVER make it.  I thought I was going to die!!!  The whole time I just focused straight ahead and repeated the words "I CAN DO ALL THINGS THRU CHRIST".  I was praying with 1/2 a mile to go, Lord, I cannot do this without you....PLEASE fill me with your strength and power to finish this race, just finish was my goal!  I ran across the finish line.  I made it.  I had bronchitis on top of it and began coughing so much everyone thought there was something wrong with me. :) (yes I was crazy looking back I should have NEVER done it at that time but I made a commitment, and when I do, I am going to do it and I do NOT back down.)  I lingered around the statistics, looked at the board, and there was my name at the top, Lisa Jongsma 2nd place.  Noone was even there from my family, no close friends, but I drove home with tears pouring down my face....Lord, YOU WON!!!!  I felt this amazing rush come over me and I knew that God was with me, HE helped me run that race, HE gave me the power and strength....I went on to run 4 more races for Him and took 1st place every time.  It was awesome.  Not awesome b/c I was #1 and oh look at me, but awesome b/c I knew HE did it.  I knew that I was doing it for Him and loved it.  I loved the closeness and empowerment I felt come in me from Him. 

Then I got sick again, everything was back....I was told I could never run again.  I was hurt b/c I finally found something that I loved and was good at, that God gave to me, and He took it away!  I thought to myself, haven't I suffered enough Lord?  This disease will affect me for the REST of my life, I have to inject my stomach 2xs a day for the rest of my life, I have to worry about my safety and injury b/c I could die taking bloodthinners for over 50+ years....Now you take away the ONE thing I love to do?  I was devastated and realized that I still am.  I need to get over it. How dare I feel sorry for myself and feel like God is always going to punish me....  He saved me and showed me thru everything who He really is and then I have the nerve to doubt Him?  Ask Him why?  Why should I get to do anything, I could be dead!  I deserve nothing and yet He gives me everything!!!Selfishly, I felt sorry for myself and had an attitude that well, if I can't run, then I guess I can't do anything.  My butt has been getting bigger b/c of that belief :)
But then I thought to myself, I GOT to run.  I had the blessing to run and do well and God allowed me to run my races and do what I had always wanted to do.  Its all about your attitude and how you look at it.  Just b/c I can't run anymore doesn't mean that I can't do anything.  Get over yourself Lisa Marie!!!  Yes I will fail at being a mom, a wife, a friend, sister....BUT each day is new and each day is a day that I can worship and praise Him for what He has done in my life.  I can talk about the Lord and what He has done in and through me.  Do I miss running? absolutely!!! It was my favorite thing to do with Him.  It was time to enjoy the world, nature, breathing, being alive when I was almost dead....It doesn't mean I can't still do all those things, I just cant' do it running.  I have to find my new thing that I am good at....But what?

I have to see myself as loved just the way that I am in the eyes of Christ.  He loves me.  He saved me.  Period. Shouldn't that be enough?  Why am I so hard on myself.....Afraid of failure, afraid of letting others down, never finding anything else I will be good at.....

Thanking God for the gift of Friendship

Today it is 2 days before Christmas and I just felt the need and desire to sit down and spend some time with the Lord in prayer and thank Him for friendship.  I have to say that over the past few years that word has become even more important to me, and in many ways the list has changed…. Just like seasons in life, God brings certain ones into my path and YOU have been one of them in this year, some of you have been at my side for years and some have just entered. Today I thank God for you, for you have touched my life and been sent into it from God, however long our journey may be together.

 I want to say thank you to those that have been praying for me since the year of 2009, the year in which my life changed dramatically forever.  It was a path the Lord sent me on, and for a long time I was devastated….I didn’t understand why, I suffered and was crushed, I was alone… I don’t say that to make you feel bad, or make you feel guilty for not being there for me, b/c it is what I needed to go through, God knew what I had to endure to change the heart of Lisa, this was ALL a part of His plan.  When I got sick in 2009 I was told that I MUST do something or I would die.  The problem was, no one knew what!  I didn’t see God’s plan, I didn’t understand why I had to suffer so much, I didn’t understand why I was alone and why no one knew how to “fix” me.  What was I to do?  What about my babies?  Sometimes we enter seasons of struggle and trials and it is hard to see the hand of God in it….If we can just get through to the other side.  And thanks be to God, He helped me through to the end, without Him and His love, faithfulness and grace, I wouldn’t be here today.  I could have and should have died many times in the past few years, and yet God was there, holding my hand, giving me hope and a peace that I have NEVER felt before. I have learned to embrace that season, to treasure it as a gift from God, yes, I tell many that it was the best and worst thing that has ever happened in my life.  God “fixed” me in more ways than I could have ever imagined, I found and began a relationship with God, and my life will never be the same again. 

 Some of you may not even realize that I am writing my own book, “Finding your missing Peace”….Ya, it may never be finished, but like this letter I am writing to you, I haven’t even told some of YOU my very own friends my testimony….Not to make you think that I have it all together now b/c trust me I don’t, but to show you that YOU too can find that missing peace, its not to show you how much I suffered but to show and reveal God’s faithfulness and grace that HE gave and showed to me.  It is about what HE has done in and through me, nothing of this could have happened on my own.  This life isn’t about me, or us, its about God and I was pushing Him away…I wasn’t where He wanted me to be.  He allowed it to happen to change me, to show me the peace I was searching for in all the wrong places!! It can’t be found in Steve, a new house, the “stuff” of this world but only in Christ!!!  This year I have read the bible the most I have ever done in my whole life and its awesome b/c I finally understand!!!, I am co-leading a bible study, I am active in my church and have made so many wonderful friends, and no, I am not saying this again to say “look at me and what I do” but to show you look at what Christ has done!!!  I would have never imagined my life looking like it does today just five years ago, but its way better!!!

 I was broken, crushed and in pieces….yes I called myself a Christian but my relationship with Christ was dead, and therefore I was as good as dead.  Now I am alive in Him and it is such a Joy and peace!!!  I hope you have it too!  If you don’t, PLEASE, don’t ever hesitate to call.  I will be there for you, I AM here for you and  will help you, pray for you, encourage you…Because that is what friends are for, Lets allow our walls to come down, to admit when we are weak when we are in need, I want to be a better friend and I want you to hold me accountable if I myself am struggling.  I am not perfect, I have a TON to learn, I am just beginning to understand the bible and I have plenty of faults and failures but I also have a new hope in Christ that I can do all things through Him!!!  I am just in need of Jesus today as I was 2 years ago laying in Detroit left for dead…. I am now prepared for the next trial that WILL come, suffering WILL come again, and I will cling to the truths of God from His word to help me through whatever path the Lord leads me on next.

 Thank you for your friendship.  Thank you for being my friend and for helping me on this journey of life.  I know I am not the greatest friend, and I am sure that I have disappointed, failed you ALL in some way and I am sorry. I will fail again and I am far from perfect….It has been wonderful to get to know you better, and I pray the Lord blesses you greatly this Christmas as we prepare for His birth.  Please know that I think and pray for you often as I reflect on God’s blessings of friendship in my life.

 

Merry Christmas!!!

Lisa

Goodbye and till we see you again

 December 2, 2012 Great Grandma and Grandma Siereveld died at the age of 78 years old.  She was an amazing woman and had a strong faith in the Lord.  These 2, (Rol and Marilyn) were excellent examples of Christ's love and the love that they had for each other.  We got the call on Sunday afternoon and Karlie cried.  Luke asked me if I was sad.  I said yes, and I said that I was happy too b/c now she is in Heaven with Jesus and she has a new body and doesn't have to suffer anymore!!!  She fought long and hard!  Last year at this same time I remember visiting her in the ICU at Spectrum and I never thought I would see her again after that.  She made it one more year of pain, fighting, and treatments.  Talk about the Love for each other!!!  Grandpa never left her side.  He was always there always taking care of her, always helping her, taking her to all of her appointments, changing her dressings, giving her all her meds, and always doing it as best as he could.  I am so thankful for their faith and showing it to me.

 

Pastor Don gave the funeral and it was a good one.  We don't know if we will make it to live 78, that is a good long life.  We could be dead at 20, 30, 50....Do we truly grasp that there is a heavenly amazing father looking down and watching us as we live our life and how are we living it?  Would we be ready to do and to enter the golden gates?  We are all accountable for ourselves, no one else, just us.  One of my favorite songs is by Natalie Grant, "I wanna leave a legacy, how will they remember me?" Most of that emphasis is on my family....I want to leave a legacy to my children so that they can too pass it on to their children and see that their mom lived and served for the Lord.  The Lord of her life.  I want to be a servant and live the "uncomfortable" life, one that resembles that of how Christ lived.  He was just a normal guy, a carpenter, he had his mom and dad, and died at the age of 33!!  He fulfilled His purpose in life in that time.  What is our purpose are we achieving it?  Is it to be successful, have a lot of money, make sure that others KNOW who we are and have an arrogant head about it?  To show the world that we made it in life, we have alot of "stuff" and the best stuff.  Do you really think that other people care?  This makes me so angry.  No one gives a crap what you have, how much you spent, what the kids are getting for Christmas, what you are doing and the vacations that you are going on, and if they DO care, then they are not that impressive themselves b/c they are too just living in a worldly state of comparison and judgement.

 

This past year I think that I have had the most knowledge and gained wisdom in regards to the Holy Spirit.  Do you really think of Him and recognize that part of the trinity?  Or does Jesus, God and the knowledge just come to you naturally?  I don't think so....Before you pray, before you read your bible, before I go to church, before I start my day, I NOW recognize and start it asking the Lord to fill me with His Holy Spirit b/c if I am not, I could easily miss out on some of the most important parts of life.  Breathe new life in me, fill me with your Holy Spirit so that others may see you when they look at me and my life.  Not in a braggin form, trust me, it isn't about me.  Life isn't about us!!!  Its about Christ, the Lord Jesus who died on a cross to save us.  What are we doing to say thanks?  Are we praising and worshiping Him or complaining about life and all the things we don't have.  To be thankful and joyful in ALL situations, even in death.

 

I have had this passion to do more, to be more, to get uncomfortable, to be on fire, I just want to do something!!! For the Lord each and every day, not because I feel that I have too but b/c I want too!!!  I want to do it for Him b/c I just can't thank Him enough for all that He has done for me and the providence He has shown to me in my life.  I keep on praying for the Lords will to be done on this earth, not mine, not Lisas, this life isn't about Lisa, its about God. 

Why Lord? When life seems.....so painful.

Yup, at work again and I am having a really hard day, I am just so emotional!!!  I have been a CT technologist for 13 years!! I cannot believe that!! Time has gone so quickly.  The older I get (ripe old age of 35 :) it seems that it goes even quicker.  When you finally understand life and enjoy it and savor the moments, you blink and poooofff! Years have gone by.  It is just mind boggling to me.  My little buddy Luke, almost 5 and Karlie Joy about to turn 7!!!  It seems like yesterday I was crying in the checkout lane of target with the little pregnancy test, the girl behind the register probably thought that i was devastated with an unexpected oops and said "are you ok? do you want a hug?" bless her little heart, but I was soooo joyful and overwhelmed with happiness b/c my last one said Positive and my husband didn't believe me so he sent me back to the store to buy another one!!! :) I was already 3 months along!!! (yup, again, I am one of those girls, go ahead roll your eyes ;) if you knew why you would understand.

Anyways, I watch my parents....Sorry mom and dad, but your getting older and forget things, things stress you out quicker, you can't do all the things you "used" to do and it makes me as your daughter sad to see you whom I love so much getting old.  You are amazing parents and grandparents, honestly I am truly blessed.  I don't want to think of the time I have to say goodbye and really, anyone could go at any time.  I think about my parents and how they raised us with a good life, we weren't rich we didn't go places all the time and have alot of stuff, we didn't go on vacations, if we did it was to Cedar Point and the Conference grounds camping and we loved it!  I never thought about money as a kid nor did I think we were poor, we were happy. They worked hard to give us what we had, to provide Christian education, and encouraged good behavior with discipline if you didn't. The sacrifices, dedication and love you pour into your children, you don't think about that as a teenager when you think your parents are old and old fashioned nerds, or adults until you become a parent yourself, then you realize what it means and the love for my parents has grown and becomes deeper as I raise my own.  They did the same for me!  I always say "the HARDEST job you will ever LOVE!!!!".

Today, I learned that a patient of mine, and even one that I ran a 5k for and won in her honor, died last month....Mother of 3, Wife, and at the ripe ol' age like me....35.  She was beautiful and she loved the Lord. Tears streamed down my face watching her videos, and looking at her pictures of her with long hair, then short, holding her husbands hand, staring at her children and reading them books.... She fought the battle HARD and now shes gone.  Her babies just 3 years old.....She knew her time to say goodbye would be at any moment, told maybe 6 months and yet lasted just 1.  I wonder what that would feel like?  I wonder what I would do, how my life would change, how much I would slow down and really start living life INTENTIONALLY!!!!  To know that at any moment I am about to meet my savior, the one that died and suffered a cruel devestating death on a cross for me, the one that I put Him on! The cross I should have been on, to save a wretched evil sinful person like me??  Is what I am doing today going to matter in the light of eternity and in my personal relationship with the Lord?  Really shouldn't we be living with that in the front of our mind reguardless if we know our end is coming or not?

Next patient comes in....ripe ol' age of 36.  The images come up on my screen and I am mortified and heavy hearted.....I don't know if there was one inch of his body NOT filled with cancer.  His lungs, liver, pancreas, intestines, bones.....He will find out soon that he too at any moment will have to say goodbye to his family and kids, same age as mine 5 and 7.....
Another one of my friends will have surgery this coming Tuesday and I ask you to PLEASE PRAY for him and the surgeon to remove a cancerous tumor from his kidney....wife just left him, 2 kids same age as mine 5 and 7......

I LOVE my job and have no doubt in my heart and mind that this is where the Lord wants me to be.  I had NO CLUE what xray was when I signed up for the program nor where it would lead me, it just "sounded fun".  I find great joy in my job and where can you go to work and see "Thank You! For allowing me to serve Christ by serving you today", each and every time I go into my scanning room. I found my very OWN BROTHER!!!! After 15 years of searching by working at my job, talk about the total Lord and providence, now that was the power of the Lord!!!  It is a great and amazing story if you ever want to hear it I will be happy to tell you! He provided this job for me.....But days like THIS is when my job is hard.  This is when I struggle in my faith and trust in the good Lord who gave us life and has our days numbered, He knows when we will leave it as well.  I know from experience that struggles and trials in life are a part of every ones life and I truly believe that God's hand is in it all, He has an ultimate plan even when we don't know what it is....The only thing we can do is Trust, and live each day for Him.  I had my struggles of why with my own health and sometimes still do, this is a very hard a painfully difficult subject very near and dear to my heart.  I lived through it, I will have crisis again in my life, adversity is an inevitable part of life,  I see it in others and I see it every time I go to work.  It is times like these that I must run straight to the Lord and look to Him, for in the bible we read that in time of struggle and difficulties we MUST:

• Trust that God is working everything in your life for your good (Romans 8:28)
• Believe that the heavenly Father is in control of everything
• Accept that the Lord's ways are higher than mine (Isa.55:8-9)
• Focus on the Father instead of the circumstance
• Submit to the Will of God
• Go to the ultimate source of strength- God himself
• Be determined to view the trial as a chance to see God at work
• Remain in constant prayer, listening for the Fathers instructions. God will often use hardship to draw US closer to Him.  He wants us to rely on Him, not ourselves.
• We must base our faith in God on His word rather than emotions
• In the valley we learn more about the nature of God: His presence in our pain, His LOVE in our loss and suffering, His patience despite our complaints. Through hardship, he may strip us of our pride, renew our passion for Him, refine our character and/or purify our motives of this earth
• Surrender your life to God be obedient to Him and He will guide you
• Rest in His wisdom, love and power
• To remind us of our NEED for Him, Christ

I have been blessed by my gracious God and given an underserving second chance...Some never are.  I KNOW what I am going to do with this life.

"Blessed is Lindy, William, Bruce, John Boy, Grandma Siereveld, Spencer Meyer, Mitchel Bunning, Samantha Henry, Kevin Cook, Lisa who perseveres under trial, because when he/she has stood the test, she/he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him." James 1:12

I know Lindy is free from pain and suffering, free from the evil sin of this world, and shining with her great and faithful Lord, finally able to see His face!
http://verbeekblog.com/
http://www.dustinverbeek.com/blog/

NOVEMBER....REALLY 2012?

Ya, its been awhile so as I sit here at work, I thought I would jot down some ideas running thru my brain. 
I started co-leading a bible study at church.  You heard that right, me.  NEVER in my life would I have EVER thought that I would be leading a bible study.  At first when I was asked I even laughed....Me? What?  You must be crazy!!!  She said to think and pray about it.  At first I said, sure.  Then doubt sunk in and I said, well....Let me really think and pray about this. 

That is when I went to a womens convention "True Women" and the Lord totally put it all over the speakers loud system "Lisa, Follow me. Don't worry.  Put away your fears. Leave it to me, I will take care of the rest."  Without a doubt I knew that I had to lead.  I want to stay as close to the Lord as I can and I was just asking Him how I could do that because I realize and know that I am JUST in need of Him today as I was over a year ago lying on deaths door.  I NEED HIM.  Without Him I am a broken, evil, selfish, nasty person.  I don't want to put Him on the back burner just b/c life is going smoothly and life seems to be going well.  I started with a list of "Yes to lead bible study" and a list of "NO to lead bible study" and the reasons to the NO list were totally driven by satan and self.  (fear...What if I don't know what I am doing....What If I don't know stuff, I just started really understanding and reading the bible for the first time! Before it made no sense, Now? I can't get enough!! Why me?....What if people laugh at me or think why on earth is this girl leading, she doesn't know a thing, she just became a christian. Doubt, insecurity, failure, rejection, looking bad, negativity from others, gossip, pointing fingers.....) That is when God placed it on my heart and said, Lisa, why NOT you?  Do you TRUST me and place all of your faith in me?  This isn't about Lisa, it is about God.  It is about bringing glory to Christ and helping others find Him.  I said yes to God, Yes to following Him.  Yes to letting Him lead. 

I won't have all the answers.  I won't have all the knowledge, the wisdom, the right words, and if I do, then it is because of Christ and His help.  Each day I pray that I am filled with His wisdom and strength, His guidance and I know that with Christ, all things are possible.  I have to tell you that I thought I would be soooo scared, nervous, jittery, walking into that bible study that morning.  But you know what?  I wasn't!!!  I felt so peaceful, so secure, so sure that this was God telling me that this was the right thing to do b/c it was all coming from Him. I could sense His presence and it was like He had His arms around me. It was great!!!

Now I am not telling you that I am going to keep on doing it forever and that is totally the thing for me.  But for the time, I am listening to Him and following His lead.  This is where HE wants me today.  That may not be the place He wants me in the future.  This bible study I have to tell you has been AMAZING!!!!  Sooo convicting and hits you over the head like a hammer, right to the core, daggers right to the heart.  Nancy Leigh Demoss "Lies Women Believe".  When I started reading it this past summer I wondered how "good" this was gonna be.  I thought it was so good, I couldn't stop reading.  Now when I read it again it is even better!!!!  My book looks like it has been through a tornado!!!  It has been spilled on, smells like campfire, dirty from the beach, and I don't know if it is possible to get much more underlined in the book and highlighted, it is just that good.

So far we have talked about the lies we have been lead to believe or still do about God and who He is, ourselves and where we find our value (from others? Stuff? Money? Jobs? or God?), our Sins and thinking (were not that bad, comparing sins, thinking we can get away with it, I don't do what she did...), lies about Marriage, Do we need our husbands to be our joy, happiness, fulfillment.  Lies about Priorities (not enough hours in the day to do what I need to do) and allowing Christ to run the to do lists and in the end will it matter in the eyes of eternity? Next comes Children the blessing they are and how it is MY job to raise them with a desire for the Lord and noone else. Yes I send them to Christian school b/c it is important to me and a priority of mine to have them surrounded by Him as much as possible b/c I think that is what HE would want me to do, that is my choice and what He has placed on my heart to do everything I can, yes protect them, yes show them that the ways of the world are NOT normal and each day they come home talking about Him and what they learned I am thankful) I know we live in hudsonville but that doesn't matter.  I see a world that is falling and pushing God out of it as much as they can.  If thats not for you, then that is whats right for you. I am not here to point a finger at anyone for what they do or do not do thats not my job.
I want to talk about Him, learn about Him together with my kids each and every day in every situation that we can!!! Yet at the same time they are God's and I have to realize that I cannot do it on my own. Nothing I do can MAKE them have a desire for Him and find Him, I need Christ to help me in ALL things and at ALL times or I am setting myself up to be a self righteous bitch which is only going to cause problems!!!  I can't do "life" on my own and that means starting each and every day with an acknowledge of Him, praying to Him and spending time in His word and His wisdom and commands.  Trust me, I tried running this life on my own, doing things my way, trying to change everyone else but me, trying to run the ship and it sank....Hard to the bottom.  He threw His hands up in the air and said, Ha! lisa, you think you can do all this by yourself, have at it!!!  I failed.  I won't allow that to happen again.  I was sooo miserable and so crabby and sooo unhappy, I didn't even know it!!  THANK THE LORD He allowed what He did to happen in my life so that I could find Him and find the TRUTH that only HE can provide!!!  True joy!!!!!!  oh, I just can't tell you enough how much my eyes have been opened and I have to be on my knees each and every day thanking Him for "inconveniencing and bringing havoc" into my life b/c if that is what it took I would do it again to have and know what I do today!!

Does that mean that life is going to be a bowl of cherries and easy?  Absolutely not.  In fact, sometimes it is harder b/c I just can't stand the way the world is and I want to run and hide and flee from it all.  People are MISSING the boat and some of them drive me crazy b/c their blindness screams!!!  They are so unhappy, crabby, alone, and miserable, complaining about everything and they have NO CLUE how good they really have it!!!  Women especially b/c I am one of them and used to be like most of them, I see them trying to fill the void with sooo many things, wanting this and that, thinking their kids are perfect and they have it all together, and look at what mine did or this and that, bragging to boost themselves and their self worth up, so concerned about aging and clothes and weight and looking good, so many are filled with envy, jealousy, some talk about money and what they have all the time!!! Its all about looking good. It just makes me sick.  I honestly cannot stand it. Not that it is a bad thing to want nice things or dress decent and eat healthy....Its their heart, what is behind that heart? Yet, then I think of Gods love and I feel bad for them.  I feel bad that they are so miserable inside, that they are constantly trying to find happiness in all the wrong places b/c they are never going to find it where they are looking.  I feel bad b/c they are missing out.  They could have it so good.  How? It is only found by seeking Him and wanting Him.

Man, just listening to myself write these words, I am sure that some of my "old"  friends might be rolling their eyes and thinking, "she is whacked, oh listen to her" what a nutbag, she doesn't have it all figured out.  Trust me, 5 years ago if I was reading this, I would have thought the same thing.  I used to think, whats up with those people that act soooo crazy and in love with God.  It honestly would make me uncomfortable just hearing them or being around them.  BUT I found it!!! I don't have it all figured out but  I KNOW without a doubt that God is real.  People don't realize that He is REAL and He is here. He wasn't before to me.  I lived a checklist "religious" life, I didn't have a relationship with Him, I had no clue who He was or what that looked like!!! Sure I knew the stories, knew God saves, Christ died for me....blah blah blah....meant nothing.  I wrong!!!  Go ahead, roll your eyes, say whatever you want b/c I don't care.  I live with God in my life and in my heart.  I love Him and I know He loves me.  That is all that matters.  Want to know more...Look and listen to anything by Francis Chan, HE is amazing!!!  He has got it too!!!

REVIVE my Heart

So I went to a conference this past weekend with some great girls from my church,  the conference was called True Women lead by Nancy Leigh DeMoss one of my favorite authors.  I have to be honest and tell you that for WEEKS my heart was telling me I didn't want to go, the money wasn't there, I didn't want to be away from my family, I have way too much going on, I don't know the girls very well going and it will be uncomfortable....So the ways of Satan trying to sneak in those "subtle" untruths and get me to back out.  BUT I went and I LOVED IT!!!!!!  It was the best thing I have ever done in a VERY long time.  I have never gone to a conference like this, not a Christian conference and especially never one with 10,000 women are you kidding me!!  In the past I would have run as far away from that place as possible!!! :)

I so wish that I could just write everything that was said, express the overwhelming heaviness of emotions, and the power of the Holy Spirit in that place!!!  I wish I could just jump up and down and tell you how REAL and true the work of the Lord was in that place!!!  I took away soooo much more than I would have ever thought.  Starting the very first step in the door.....My heart was not ready to be opened, broken, stomped on, crushed, and then so revived all at the same time how is that possible!!!  Go ahead, roll your eyes, its ok, I am so at peace about that too now, b/c nothing can persuade me from believing the truth about Christ and only HE knows what is in my heart, He knows....I wish you did too, I pray with an earnest heart that you will SEEK him.  If you don't know Him or have a personal relationship with Him, all I can say is pray to Him and ask Him to reveal himself to you in ways that only He can do, and seek Him, look for Him, He WILL show himself to you!

I didn't get it either.  If someone would have talked to me, the way that I do sometimes, I would have rolled my eyes and thought "seriously, she is whacked!".  I had no clue!!  I was so delusional I thought I was fine! I called myself a christian but I wasn't a REAL one.  Whats the difference?  I now KNOW and live with Christ.  I have a relationship with Him and I love Him.  I WANT to be with Him and do His will and follow Him.  I LOVE reading my bible and hated doing it in the past b/c I didn't get "it"!!  YES I grew up in a christian home, went to christian school and had christian parents, went to church....yes I even made profession of faith but it all meant NOTHING to me.  I was going through the motions and looking at it as a set of rules "do's and don'ts" and living a checklist life, going to church b/c I thought I HAD too, it looked good, I was a good person, thats what good christians do. 

It honestly did not hit me and become REAL to me until just 5 years ago.  The year 2007.  I was pregnant with my son and I can remember clear as day sitting in my car, crying about my marriage "thinking HE was the problem and how hard marriage was and why did it have to be this hard, why wasn't He making me happy, why wasn't it like a dreamy fairytale, why couldn't HE change...." Really Lord?  Is this all there is to life?  This is it?  This sucks.  If YOU are real, you need to show me.  If this is "it" then you need to show me.  Are you real?  I don't even know if you are. 

AND THEN IT HAPPENED!!!! 

Was I ready for Him to reveal himself to me in the way that He planned?  ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!!  But He had it planned, HE knew what it was going to take for ME.  Does it have to be that way for you?  I pray not.  May it just come naturally to you, I sure hope it does or did!  It is going to be different for each and every single one of us on this earth.  Your story will be different than mine, and God intended for it to be that way.  You might be 10, 20 50 or 80 and Finally "get it" that is FINE, He reveals Himself to us in ALL different ways and at different times.  For me, it was the age of 30.  For the sinner on the cross next to Christ, it was on his last day of earth, but it happened and that is all that matters.

The first way was God leading us to find my brother, Yes in 2007 when I was searching, the IMPOSSIBLE happened.  Through my job, through me, through a wonderful guy named Kevin Cook, we found my brother who was given up for adoption in 1969.  At the conference a lady asked if God ever moved you to a point of speechlessness.  THIS was definitely one of those moments.  Its a long story, one in which I would love to tell you about right now but that was just the tip of the beginning in this stubborn heart.  Ask me anytime and I will gladly tell you all about it.

Then one year after my little buddy Luke entered this world, I got sick.  VERY sick.  I was inflicted with a disease and to this day no one knows why or what....I have gone through 30+ hospitalizations, treatments, surgeries, procedures, doctors, traveled to Cleveland clinic, U of M, Detroit....I was very physically sick and God knew that I was spiritually sick as well.  Over the past 4 years I was crushed, stomped on, alone, fearful, scared, angry, bitter, questioned, and cried out to the Lord in a desperate cry of infliction and of need.  BUT HE showed me who HE was and He was with me the whole time.  He never left my side, the Lisa I knew before died, and He gave life to a new and improved one!!!  Tears stream down my face as I write this b/c I cannot express to you the brokenness that I felt but also the brokenness that I DESERVED!!!!!  I was a rotten apple.  I was full of worms.

"Remember my affliction and my bitterness, the wormwood and the gall! My soul continually thinks of it and is bowed down within me. But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is thy faithfulness." Lamentations 3:19-23

BROKENNESS lead to a REPENTANT HEART and He FORGAVE me which lead to a life of FREEDOM and amazing LOVE and therefore my heart can do nothing but REJOICE AND WORSHIP.  My life has and never will be the same.  I lost my life to find a life in Him!!!!

Here are some of the most impacting words I heard and took home with me from the conference:

• God was seeking me the whole time, my whole life, all of it was His plan, but He wanted ME to seek Him in return
• I had to recognize a need (my life/heart was empty) I was filling my life with everything BUT Christ.  I wanted Steve to be my Christ, make me happy, fulfill my needs (noone can do that!! What pressure I was placing on Steve!!! He wasn't the one that needed to change it was me!!  I was not making room for CHRIST on my platform of life.  I was conformed to this way of the world placing value on (Steve, my kids, my stuff)  I was living under the authority of Lisa. Living a life full of bondage and there are consequences if we do not live the way God desires.  (I thought I could get away with it)  I didn't even think or know I was sick!!!
• I was not seeking Him (that is the key part to salvation I believe, when we finally seek Him in return)
• I was living a life full of self-sufficiency thinking that I could do all things, relying on my strength and not that of God's (duh....I think He is way more powerful!!!) don't limit His power!!
• If we are not seeking Him we are FORSAKING Him
• Christ sees my heart, knows my heart, and wants to have a relationship with me.  Sometimes I wonder why!!!  I am so undeserving!!!
• I need to tend to my heart and maintain it daily by praying and staying in His word, Seeking His face daily in all I do.  I AM JUST IN NEED TODAY AS I WAS THEN!!!  I don't deserve anything, I deserved death.  We all do!  Makes me think of that song by Casting crowns "who am I? That the Lord of all the earth, would choose to know my name!  Not because of who I am but because of what HES done!!"  oh I love that song!!!
• Transformation needs to start with me.  It will then spread into all I have and do.  I want others to see Christ through my life and how I live.  In response to a life of thanksgiving and praise!
• I don't want to give God the left overs in my life.  I owe Him soooo much and give Him so little!! I want to allow Christ to blow my mind away again.  I don't want to contain Him in my little box and make Him small.  He can speak and it happens, why do I limit Him!!!
• I need to remind myself daily that I am in need today.  I need Christ, He forgave me for sooo much, He saved me in sooo many ways.  I need to live a life for Him.
• Pray, seek, read, and like a great friend of mine said "don't make it a checklist and a thing of pressure!!!"  I am making it tooooo hard b/c I feel like I owe Him so much.  But when your doing laundry, taking the kids to school, in the car, SING!  That too can be a song of prayer and also one of thanksgiving!  Hold His hand that is ALL HE WANTS US TO DO!!!! 
• My book "finding your missing PEACE" this is what its all about.  Finding Christ, finding that missing piece in your life that you are trying to fix with all the wrong things!  Until you make that piece Christ, you will NOT have peace!!!!"

Revival, it all begins with me, and it has begun in this stubborn old heart and IT WILL CONTINUE ON!!!!  That my friends, is a true Joy that can only be found in Christ our Lord!!!!

Have you Ever?

Today for some reason, I woke up grieving that I can't have any more kids....I wonder why today?  I try to tell myself to be thankful to the Lord for the 2 amazing beautiful blessing that He gave me, but then I start feeling sorry for myself and my heart longs to know why it (my disease) had to happen to me...I would love to have more.  Maybe its b/c I had to work yesterday and with school starting the kids were in bed and sleeping before I made it home.  This makes my heart so heavy b/c I go a whole day without seeing them!!!  So I just sit on the side of the bed and just stare at their beautiful little faces, so peaceful, so precious, and I pray over them, thanking God for them and praying for His grace and wisdom to fill their little hearts for a life for Him.  Parenting isn't about Me, its about God, and the Lord knows I need all the grace and wisdom to do it well for Him. 

Maybe it is is because Lukester goes to school this week.  My little buddy that I LOVE to have home with me, that I can't stand to be away from, hardly ever are unless its work, I will now be alone.  Some of you might think I am crazy and enjoy the time alone, but I don't, I know I will adjust, but its just different.  My kids are what I invest my time in, and I love being there for them.  I often think about quitting my job just so that I can be there for them all the time, so I can take them to school every day, pick em up, wait for em by the bus stop and see their smiling faces....It is a God given role and responsibity to be #1 a mate for Steve and his helper #2 to raise my children #3 to take care of the home.  I never want one of those areas to suffer because of a job.  If you fill it with too much of one thing, something else will suffer, I don't want it to be my family.

Then I have been thinking about the word: assumptions/judgement/ and just plain old differences.  We are all different, all have different upbringing, all have had different situations, paths, interactions....you name it.  Assumption: An assumption is something we take for granted or presuppose. Usually it is something we previously learned and do not question. It is part of our system of beliefs. We assume our beliefs to be true and use them to interpret the world about us.  There are a variety of possible meanings to the situations around us, but yet MANY think that their way is right.  For example, am I “relaxing” or “wasting time, who decides what wasting time is?” Am I being “determined” or “stubborn?” Am I “joining” a conversation or “butting in?” Is someone “laughing with me” or “laughing at me?” Am I “helping a friend” or “being taken advantage of?” Every time we interpret our actions and the actions of others we do so on the basis of our assumptions. Humans make hundreds of assumptions without knowing it---without thinking about it.  We don't take the time to think outside ourselves!!!!  Trust me, I am not saying that I am not guilty of making assumptions or passing judgement onto others wrongly, I have.  But I try my best, with the Lords help, to look at others as a "whole", dig alittle deeper into their personality before assuming the way they are, just by outward appearance.  Trust me, when I have done that in the past, I have missed opportunity to meet and make friends with some amazing people I am sure!

For example: Have you ever rolled your eyes at a mother of 1 or 2?  Maybe even 3 or 4 depending on how many You have?  It amazes me to hear the things that people "say" verbally or non, when they ask "how many kids do YOU have?" if its any less than they have, you can sometimes see the eyes rolling b/c YOU have it so much easier than they do.  What about the great old saying "you have the perfect family, one of each or two of each..."  I would love to say, "Oh because if the Lord gave me 2 or 4 of the same our family would be seen as less in His eyes?"  Please....What if that mother wants more and can't have em, have you ever thought about that?   Or have you ever rolled your eyes at the woman for ordering a salad and eating healthy b/c it is important to them or b/c they have diabetes, while you think its all about being skinny and because you don't order that way?  So since when is ordering a salad a bad thing?  You could too, and if you had diabetes you would be forced to eat differently.  What about thinking someone is so perfect and secretly hating them or wishing that something bad would happen to them.  Believe me, I KNOW their are people out there that are this way b/c they have told me!  No one is perfect.  We all have our problems, you have no idea what goes on in their lives or what they have been through.  Have you ever talked bad about someone else or purposely tried to be "less nice" to them just b/c they have it better than you do, at least that is what you think?  Is this what Christ would do? Who's standards are you comparing it too?

I am sorry but lately I just think the world is losing it.  It is getting further and further away from the Lord and people are selfish, the world revolves around them only, they are rude, mean, and all for reasons that are usually ridiculous.  Grow up.  Get God in your life people!  Sometimes I don't know how people survive out there when they seem soooo stressed out!  Life is hard.  Nowhere will you ever see it written that life is going to be easy.  I absolutely LOVED this bookmark that my mom just gave me, it says,

 "If you want rainbows, you have to have rain.  In a perfect world everything would go right and life would be filled with sweet warm and fuzzy feelings. But how would we know if things are good if we had no comparison?  Without the darkness would we appreciate the light?  Seem to me if we want rainbows, we have to have rain, the trick is, to look for the good in every situation so go and find some puddles and play in the rain!"in Order to have rainbows, you must first have rain.  If you don't experience bad times how would you know when things are really good?  As Christians, lets jump in the puddles together.

If life went exactly the way YOU wanted it too, would you really need to depend and know God?  This world would be even worse, I can't imagine my life any other way, God planned it, Not me, Thank the LORD!!!!

Your life is completely different than mine, and yours from mine, but it is the path that God has lead each of us on.  Why be mad about it?  Do you think that is going to help the problem?  Why keep wishing your life was this way or that way....Be where you are today.  Thats where God wants you to be, and what are you going to do with it?  Thats enough for today..... :)

I encourage you to live a life of BROKENNESS

I came home from work the other night to find Karlie and Luke all covered in band aids and blue marker.  They had been playing "Doctor" and they each had big cuts with stitches on their belly's.  Karlie said to me, "Now I am just like you mom!" She was so proud.  It brought tears to my eyes b/c she loves me regardless of my ugly stomach and bruises, but I had to reflect on what I had gone through and I said "oh Karlie, mommy hopes and prays that you NEVER have to experience what mom went through and that you never get sick like me!"

Later that night I was having quiet time and thought about God's faithfulness to me, and how he brought struggles, trials and pain into my life and it caused me to break, mentally, spiritually and physically.  I was crushed to pieces and spent a long time in anguish over my sickness but now I look back and I have to say that it was the BEST and WORST thing that has ever happened to me.  The Lord broke me and saved my life both physically and spiritually.  He transformed my heart into one that actively seeks to do His will, to live my life for HIM, not me and He has lead me to a life of tremendous blessing's and Joy.  I am not good at explaining but its like my eyes have been opened and now I have this new knowledge that I just want to scream and tell it to everyone I know and meet b/c until you get "it/Him" you don't know what true joy and life can be!!  There is sooo much more!

Then I pondered....Would I want my kids to go through what I have?  In my heart and as a mother I have to honestly say no that it would kill me to watch, but if they received the blessings in the end and it transformed their hearts and lives into a life with Christ, I would have to say "ok Lord, you are in control, you know what it is going to take to bring them to you".  WOW.....That would be soooooo hard!!!  As parents all we want is the best for our kids, to have it "better" than we did, to be pain free and free from trials and suffering but God causes all of that for His ultimate purpose, not for our understanding!  We can't protect them from it all or they won't come to realize and depend on the Lord in all times.  I would cry with them and my heart would be heavy but I would only keep praying that they could see that through it all would come joy and peace.  God can do amazing and wondrous things with a broken heart but he MUST get ALL the pieces.  Would they surrender them to Him?

I was a lost sheep, NOT listening to the shepherds voice when I heard it.  I was the rebellious child running from my Father.  I look at my life before my disease struck and I was living a life chuck full of sin and down right evil....I didn't think I was, I was soooo blind to my own sin and prideful heart thinking that I had everything in control and this is just the way life is.... and maybe you can relate to some of these: self-righteous, self sufficient and independent thinking that I can do things when I want to, I can fix things, I am in control, I don't need help from anyone, I am fine, Steve needs to make me happy and if he doesn't I will show him, I can make him change if he doesn't, He's the one that needs to change NOT ME,  my kids need to make me happy, a bigger house will make me happy, money would make me happy, never admitting I was ever wrong or getting defensive and blaming others if I was, I was pre-occupied with SELF.  THEN God decided and thank the LORD HE did, "you think you can handle life on your own Lisa?" You think you don't need me in your life? That you can continue living a checklist (to-do's) and look like a christian without being one in your heart?"  We will see about that..... Life is about God, not about Lisa. I didn't choose Brokenness, GOD did it to me.  Maybe I suffered longer and harder b/c of that, but it happened and I thank God that it did.  Do you believe you are chosen by God?  I did, but that is where it ended, I continued to live life freely as I choose, but I was not free to choose my consequences of continuing to live a life that way.

He broke my pride and humbled my heart.  My will was broken, I gave up the reigns and gave them to God so that HE could lead me. He showed me that I am NOT in control, I canNOT do things on my own and that I only need the Lord in my life, HE is what makes me happy!  NOTHING ELSE will do!!!  I could have NEVER made it through what I have been through without the Lord, I didn't have the strength to keep fighting, to live, HE helped give it to me.  I reached a breaking point and threw up my hands to God pleading for Him to take my life, to HELP me, to be with me and hold my hand.  I told Him that I cannot do this life alone without HIM.  I never asked for help from anyone, and now was my time to lower my pride and humble myself and tell others, I need you.  I needed my husband, I needed my parents, sisters, and friends. 

Today I am continually humbled by the mere fact that God would actually care enough and love me so much to save me from my wretched state.  He could have left me, He could have allowed me to continue living life in darkness and judge me on the last day of my earthly life....What would I have done for Him?  I feel completely indebted to God, not for just being my physical healer but for being my spiritual one, for WHO HE IS!  He opened my eyes and I feel like I have gained spiritual blessings!!!  I cannot tell you enough how joyful life has become how amazing life is now, and how much BETTER it is!!!  I am afraid that I will start living life in the routine of things, and forget about where I have been and how far I have come in Christ....What if I am blind to sin again?  What if my passion and desire for God in my life fades?  I will and cannot allow that to happen.  I have seen His hand, I have witnessed His power, and His work in so many areas in which I cannot deny.  I have to actively and intentionally live a life each and everyday for Him.  For me, that is starting the day, my very first breathe with Him, I cannot make it on my own without first starting it with Him.  If the uglies come out and I lash out for no apparent reason, then I need to stop, get on my knees and evaluate my heart and ask the Lord to reveal what uglies I need to get rid of.

Am I saying that I deserve a good old pat on the back? That I will never suffer again or have trials and struggles in my life, marriage and with my children, ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! God isn't who He is to fix our problems and make life easy?  I don't deserve anything.  I didn't do a thing, God did.  I only choose to  take His hand and stepped out of myself and clung to Him instead.  I know life is hard.  I know we all continue to live in sin and that we have daily struggles, no one is perfect, but I want to daily choose a life of humbness and not one of pride. I want God to be enough, to be all I need everyday. The root of all sin and struggles can come back to pride.  I am not here to judge you or analyze your life.  You are responsible for your own life and choices.  Wake up to the TRUTH, don't wait for tomorrow, tomorrow may be too late!  Why not experience all the blessings and Joy found in the only one, CHRIST.  The Truth found in Christ will set you FREE!!!

2012 Summer fun

my newest swimmer!

Camping @ Conference grounds

Camping @ Holland

Millineum Park

2 blessings and so much more!